by destinie21
Very very good. I haven't commented on a story before. I have read here for 5 years so i'm no stranger to good erotic literature
When reading this story, I believe you brought out the tension and fears of an incestuous relationship, whether same-sex or heterosexual. I felt that it was well thought out, and it certainly had enough sex to keep me interested. I?m waiting for chapter two.
Took a little long to get started; i think the buildup of sexual tension between the two was good. Look forward to chapter 2
Great job, Destinie. I don't usually read these types of stories (incest), but I always look forward to your stories. You have an awesome imagination. Can't wait for Ch. 2.
Took a while to get there...but that only added to the story! Very Nice
Excellent story, but it desperately needs a proof-reader.
I`d love to see the rest of the story, but please read it through a couple of times before you post it. Too many jarring errors of punctuation & spelling (to instead of too etc). Nevertheless, it was a good start.
This is the first time I comment on a story I've read, but it is absolutely worth the time. I'm glad you didn't make it into a one page story because it woulde have made a whole lot less interesting! I hope there will be comparible stories in the future! Very Nice!
engaging story, well thought out. The tension of the main character more than fills the gaps in the action. Believable.
I really liked this one hope it goes on and I hope it wont take too long to get the next chapter posted.
This was soooooooo hot! I loved it. Please continue Raine's & Sheri's adventured!
Innocent and hot. Playful little lady with fire as well as desire. Long in tale and sizzle.
Just, wow. I loved this story, as much for the wonderful storytelling as well as the detail in the 'action'. The characters are believable, well thought out, and there's a chemistry in your writting that so many of the authors here don't have. Wonderful work. :)
yor stories are wild and hot... this one, the tension is knife cutting, well done...and thanku xxxx
This has to be the first time that I have read an erotic story that was so tastefully written. I can't believe that I was so into this story espicially since this is a story about insest. To tell the truth this story at least to me wasn't as much about insest as it was about two people who really cared about each other more than they cared to admit. In all I really liked this story.In fact this is the first time that I have ever felt the need to write about any of the stories that I have read. Keep up the good work.
That had to be the best erotic short story I've ever read. Much props to you. Keep them coming.
I'm sorry, it just took too long to get going, as if I was reading a novel, not a short story. Lot interest quickly
I appreciate the complexity of the story, and the way you teased the reader. By page three I was rooting for them to have sex - lol. You crafted the indecisioin well, which made it very real. Great job!!!
You wove the story together well. I could tell that you put a lot of work into it. Just some constructive criticism.
Try to keep your paragraphs to less than 9 lines. It's easier to read.
When a person speaks it should be in its own paragraph. I'm surprised that the Lit Demi-gods let that pass.
Try using an editor. I do and it has helped a lot. Keep writing!
This reminds me of all the reasons we give for not allowing ourselves to expose our inner most feelings. Instead of allowing the sweetness to fill their minds, they chose to fight it and therefore each other. Kind of a microcosm for life in general. So much sadness for no damn reason that makes any sense. Great story. Looking forward to the rest.
You really, really need to have someone proofread your stories. The content is wonderful, but the presence of so many blatant spelling, punctuation, and grammar errors seriously disrupts the story.
It was a fantastic story, one of the ebst incest stories if read for a logn time, just the right balance between erotica and narrative to keep me on Tenterhooks. Too many stories jump into the erotica, which is all everywell but its much better when, like this story, you get to understand the characters more deeply.
i would be interested to chat with you about your ideas, i may contact you later when i have a moment.
I believe that you did a terriffic job of explaining the problems of trying to get your own mind straight, not realizing that you want your sister at all until there is no way that you can deny the fact to yourself. You did a great job of getting your point across and also brought out the problems of incest or rather what they can be.
I very fine job of writting, Keep up the great work.
It was beautiful. So much emotion swirling around in a vortex of guilt. The time and effort really shows. It was like reading part of a romance novel. Wonderful job.
This Writer has complete control of his characters and moves them around like game pieces as he weaves his literary magic. Wonderfully Written Story!
I love the story, even though I dont like incest storys...
The only thing that kept me from ranking it higher is because i have 2 sisters and I dont think you can ever break that sensation that easyly...
your story is just amazing it does'nt matter whom u loves only matters is that how much u love ,how far can u go to achieve it.it's truly a good one and i can assure u that everyone will love it
Great story, very well written and fleshed out characters keep up the good work
Loved your story, it was written excellently. I was somewhat reminded of myself in it, though I'm neither female nor lesbian, I have longed for my sisters for most of my life.
Keep up the good work
Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful.
Very close to reality, if not, reality itself.
More please.
I loved this chapter. The build-up was great. The fear of entering into a taboo relationship was perfect. Other than a few small gramar/spelling errors, this story was perfect. (At least to me.)
Life is complicated and rarely can an author convey that through the words that they choose to use, but your work is amazing! Thank you so very much and please keep at it.
Not sure it was worth that,, it was an awesome story but,,,, get an editor and learn to proof read
(I mad a cup of coffee and shrank it quickly before getting ready to go to work)
Not real sure but my guess would be the madder you got the more the coffee shrunk, still puzzled as to why you would be mad at a cup of coffee though
Sinfully naughty, yet lovingly passionate, while exceedingly sensuous and erotic. Can't wait to read the rest
You're a decent writer, but you could really use a good editor. Your punctuation is appalling, and makes the story very difficult to read.
Oh Destinnie, mm! Although I agree with those who spoke of your grammar, punctuation, and the need to proofread your work, I wish I had read more of you before. Before I get to the storyline, I should like to bring to your attention a free download that would help your writing tremendously. The programme of which I speak is ‘Grammarly.’ https://www.grammarly.com/desktop . Although my grammar was not too bad, I knew it needed work. I used the free version for a few months but have now purchased the full version, and it has improved exponentially.
So, the story. Your buildup had me full of wet, throbbing anticipation. The tension was increased when you teased us with the thrill of Raine and Sheri finally experiencing the joy of each expressing their need, one for the other, at which point my masturbation was indeed rising, only to be frustrated by the mother’s return and the scurry of getting dressed. Now, I’m off to read Raine & Sheri Ch. 02.