All Comments on 'Broken Promises'

really didn't go anywhere. While you have written well technically, you showed no real conflict. Your main character described some conflict, but you never fleshed it out, it was just some vague bad feeling. You quickly mentioned a conversation between a woman and her husband and then they blissfully went to sleep. While you gave insight into the wife's thoughts, I saw nothing much about the character other than she was perhaps depressed over her marriage.

The conversation you only lightly touched upon was your chance to explore the source of your main character's pain. Had you brought in come dialog, actual presented the conversation and in the conversation showed the conflict the reader could have been drawn into the story. With the dialog, you could have given us some more insight into the characters.

While the dialog is going on, you can always drop back into the wife's mind, letting us see the conflict as evaluated by your main character, and then return to the conversation with this insight.

I guess what I am saying is, don't tell me about the conflict in the story, show me the conflict. Bring me into the story, make me feel some of the conflict. Without that, I can't really get involved with your character. Without involvement with the character I can't really care much. Without a better feel for the conflict, I see a couple of manikins interact and then go to sleep.

With no real character development, and a vague conflict, I rated the story at a three. I will give a 5 to an excellent story that will grab my attention with characters I can empathize with, a conflict presented in a manner that I can get concerned about, a setting that supports the story, writing that is technically well written (a few typos are okay if they don't impact the story). A very good story lacking one or two of these elements will get a 4 (or with a bit more typos, apparant grammatical errors, etc.). A good story lacking a number of these elements (or with a bunch of typos) will get a 3. Stories lacking the elements described above, accompanied with a lot of typos will get a 2 and a one goes to something with none of the above and numerous typos.

That is my feelings about your story. You have written well, but didn't let me into the story.

jim :)

You made me feel sorry for the main character. Suspicions and needing to get out seemed to rule the story. I can only hope she will realize that sometimes, to be heard, you have to scream before you are trampled. It made me realize that this may be to this character a compromise, but almost seems like she's willing to forgo what she really wants and selling herself short for the idea of being loved. But then, her idea and mine are probably different, and whatever works goes. It was a good story, though probably better slanted to poetry. Good Luck with your writing.

sory but i could neve figure out wha these words were all about. Please give more background next time

need less question and answers. TK U MLJ LV NV