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Seduced By An Entity Ch. 01

byErotica_Writings©
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Comments (5)
by Anonymous

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by Anonymous04/08/04

she's awesome!

I can't tell you how much I enjoy Ms writings stories. I can't wait until the next one

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by angel4u2lust404/21/04

HELL YES!

I am not going to stop reading this

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by Mikki6905/02/04

BRAVO

i TOO am going to keep reading

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It's Great

I love everything you write and always look forward to whats comming next.

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by Anonymous01/12/06

hmm

You write slightly like a robot.. and the names and settings seem mildly childish. Everything happens so quick like you're writing from a journal. I'm afraid it's not good talent.. but some ideas aren't half bad. At least their original, well, sorta.. Plus you aren't aware of the use of commas are you? They're useful things.. can make people take things the correct way. I bet you would be really good at a different type of writing, but descriptive you seem to lack the grasp on. Hmm now I feel a little bad, maybe I should offer an example.. often you repeat yourself.. like when you describe someones 'heart crumbling'.. not so good. Other times you hit home and make a good joke, or make the characters seem light and funny adn then ruin it by saying "they did this.. they did that.. electricity ran through them".. it's a little cliche. Plus I can't help feeling some characters, mainly just your protagonists, come off sounding whining, desperate, lame, totally unindepenent and slow.. but it's probably because you cut them off, build them up to be something great.. and hten with a gush of wind she kills 20 warriors? You warned me she might not make it? Not that the girl would be a little winded after the Amazon Warriors. Obviously, you don't seem to think storyline is important as long as grade 4's could describe your characters as 'brave and strong'. Either way.. I hope I didn't seem too harsh and maybe you'll take somethigns constructive. Good luck on your next story.. obviously people really enjoy your stories.. and um it's just my opinion. You write much better than me.. and I did keep that in my mind :)

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