by CharmingVixen
that was great! add some more! i'd like to see what happens with them next! will she come to him willingly, or run away and get caught, will they fight again, or will he have to prove himself again to her? WHAT WHAT WHAT?!?!?!?! hurry up with the next one! this was great! good job!
However, i think it would be even better if you painted the enviroments a little better. I gave you 3 stars, because I just dont get a feel for the surroundings.
You have a gift for writing. It is amusing though, that this fictional story is not believable. It is so rushed, and the idea of a monstrous and dominant figure giving up his leverage in front of all of his men, and many other onlookers, seems unlikely. Her being able to overpower this guy with something so silly as licking a sword is weird. However, I do have faith that the characters you have created show much promise, so I look forward to reading your next chapters. I can see the brilliance in your writing potential.
So much for being trained since 5 years old. She was dumb and unskillful. Way to go.
Just do not write anymore. This was horrible.
Please finish the series been waiting for two years <3