All Comments on 'The Only Double Standard'

There's still a double standard similar the one you originally talked about. No, women aren't required to stay virgins until married. But in most circles, a woman who sleeps around a lot is considered a bad thing. A slut or whore, used negatively. On the other hand, in most crowds, a man who does so is a stud.

Now obviously not everyone is this way, but it's mainstream enough for that double standard to showup in magazines, newspapers, tv shows, etc.

So it exists.. but I'd argue it doesn't matter much. The focus needs to be on valuing your life by your own measures, not by what other people place on you.

That all said, there's plenty of double standards in both directions, some of which you listed.

While I won't disagree that men are more often than not viewed as "studs" when sleeping around (at least very publically) but I think thats changing. "Manwhores" as one of the newest terms used for guys who sleep around is used fairly often and perhaps in smaller groups those kinds of guys are derided as "foolish" or childish. I see a lot of spoofs in tv these days on those types.

I suppose I'm in the minority (doesnt always seem that way with a lot of my friends I associate with..) in that I'll call a guy on being a manwhore (with stds today..those types, man or woman are stupid to the nth degree). Of course a lot of my displeasure with those types is that I have to hear about their "conquests" or witness the pain they cause in others.

Great essay boxlicker.

I agree with Boxlicker here, not the critics. I don't see much evidence of a double standard in popular culture, except that married women's affairs are somehow considered more "romantic" than men's. (Witness "The Bridges of Madison County, for example.) I don't agree with deriding people who are promiscuous, of either sex, because I think that Nature intended that people risk disease, death, or injury, if need be, to reproduce. I am strongly in favor of the natural promiscuity of the species, as it facilitates natural selection. Also, a whore, of either sex, is someone who does it for a non-sexual, commercial reason, rather than for the pleasure of sex itself.

Well written and thought out discussion material. I'm sure that the double standards of the 1920's are still with us today, but my life goes back that far so I may be blind. I have a thought of my own..., how come well over ninety percent of the pussy in this world is either owned or controlled by women? I don't think it's fair.

Well written and thought out discussion material. I'm sure that the double standards of the 1920's are still with us today, but my life goes back that far so I may be blind. I have a thought of my own..., how come well over ninety percent of the pussy in this world is either owned or controlled by women? I don't think it's fair.

...I have asked guys to dance and asked for their phone number. I agree with you on the courage that it takes to ask someone if they are interested in going out for coffee or lunch.

So, please tell me and/or the readers. How would you like to be approached? What words would you like to hear?

For Example:

in the morning, asked "if you would be interested in having lunch with me?"

or right before leaving the office/club/class, ask "about meeting for coffee or something?"

What are the words that will convey: Hey, I am interested in You. And I want to get to know you better, the person.

So, I lob the ball back into your court.

What should a woman say to a guy to ask him out?

LovelyLeo

Did you ever happen to think that there are many different sorts of people and cultures around the U.S. I can say that at least in the rural midwest, in the 40 something generation, , the double standard still lives. Women of my generation were taught that to be the sexual aggressor makes you a bad woman or a whore. I'm 40 years old and I can still hear my grandfather and my father for that matter saying to me that I shouldn't initiate a relationship with the man or people would think I was a slut. Women are supposed to just deny their sexuality, drop everything and become mothers and housewive.

Can we talk about fundamentalism or Catholicism? Do you think that there is no double standard for the women of those cultures? I mention it because I used to be a fundamentalist, and my roommate was Catholic.

People who are privileged enjoy criticizing what they think are the unreasonable complaints of minorities.

Your essay is littered with problems.

The double standard with regard to sexual activity does still exist. Unless you've never heard of the words slut or stud, which I'm going to assume you haven't. A woman has sex with multiple partners- she's a slut. A man does it- he's a stud. You do realise that the "she was a slut so asked for it" defence is still used in rape cases, right?

Men being "expected" to ask women out is not a double standard. It's just unfair. The double standard comes when women ask guys out, and are branded sluts for doing so.

When a woman says "good morning" and twirls her hair, 99% of men will take this as a come on. Even the bland, mainstream show Friends talked about this.

That isn't the only double standard--I've seen plenty and I'm 41--but I am in full agreement with you on the subject of who initiates the relationship. Women have a list of things men should and shoudn't say when coming on to them. But how many times does a woman come on to a man? Very rarely. We have to approach them, and they need only say "yes" or "no". Who the hell wrote that rule that I have to pursue the woman for a relationship just because I'm the man? I would like to have a woman pursue ME for a change. Let's spread the rejection around a llittle, huh?

If women truly wish assert their sexual independence, they'll stop waiting for the man to make the first move; unfortunately they've been programmed by other women (mainly their mothers) to wait for the man to make the first move. I have always believed that if you want a person badly enough, you go after them with everything you have and to hell with what your friends might say about it. If a woman wants to be in a relationship with me, she can either wait for me to approach her--or she can pursue me. It's not like I'm going to run away from her--this isn't kindergarten.

Gals not approaching guys as much as guys approach gals is not a double standard. A double standard is a rule or principle that is unfairly applied in different ways to different people or groups.

Likely there is no sexual equality since their is still the slut/stud or shitty lock/master key double standard.

Nice work! The closer you get to the truth the angrier people get. Thank you from a 70 year old.