All Comments on 'No Deposit, Return'

by vargas111

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  • 31 Comments
mannydcampmannydcampover 19 years ago
Story

Wow this one has nothing going for it. Its not sexy or realistic or funny or anything.

Very bad effort

SoftlySoftlyover 19 years ago
Well written. I liked it.

You know Vargas 111, if you bring up the "Page" of the folks who write the "Your story stinks," comments, you will find that none of them have any stories posted.

You will also find that every post that they have made is a put down of someone's story.

Some church group doing God's work? Or, just a little old fart who never had any good sex, and does not understand what it is. What is funny is when they say, "A real Man would kick the shit out of her." Be interesting to get his wife's take on that.

HexxedHexxedover 19 years ago
meh

While amusing I think it was a bit over the top and you should've put it in the humor/satire section.

doormousedoormouseover 19 years ago
Too cute

"I made that mistake with your father, letting him marry me without trying him out first. I'd certainly hate to think that my son could do that to another woman!"

I'm still laughing ;-)

(I agree about it should be in humour section)

GoodWifeyGoodWifeyover 19 years ago
The only laughing matter here is

that the author thinks this is humour!

Nightowl21Nightowl21over 19 years ago
A story??

Premise is stupid but not funny.

Stupid shit like only black cocks get big--they're no different than anyone else---large and small.

And THOSE husbands woulda brought out the shotgun if they caught the wife.

BetaTrine_FluxBetaTrine_Fluxover 19 years ago
you should be more carefull with your humor

when doing a satire of two broad catagories of stories [often mixed with poor results] you need to be carefull to show clear signs of humorous intent. This is best done by adding narrative failures that break the suspension of disbelief in the story...and by POSTING IT IN THE HUMOR SECTION. You should be extra careful when working with racism and other touchy subjects in a satire format, as it can lead to some very hurt feelings and very rude comments. I do think the story showed a strong potential for plotting and pacing.

commandercommanderover 19 years ago
ok, after reading the comments

now there is realization that you attempting humor. same results as a child attempting to use a pillow case as a parachute while jumping out of the upstairs window. the fun is short lived and ends in a painful crash. difference is that you had more than a second to change your mind after starting such a foolhearty task.

SpykkeSpykkealmost 17 years ago
Erm... I read this text very carefully...

but failed to find any humour or satire. Furthermore what I did find was two women who behaved in a completely unlikely fashion. Don't give up your day job.

datadyndatadynalmost 17 years ago
Definately humorous

It's not the story thats humorous - it is the author's attempt at writing that is very funny indeed

PurpleMonkeyDishwashPurpleMonkeyDishwashover 14 years ago
Funny?

Was this supposed to be a joke? I didn't read it that way. This story was incredibly hot though. Cuckolding, forced submission, sexual dismissal, I love that stuff, and it's all there. Leroy's stereotypical voice (which was not gansta modern racial sterotyped, but 1800's slave stereotype, for some reason) was a little unsettling, but I was able to read passed it. I think you did a good job.

huedogghuedoggalmost 13 years ago
vargas111

and to think I thought Charles Manson was a sick fuck, but he has nothing on you. You should be on death row, while he fucks your wife.

EgoTrixiEgoTrixiover 10 years ago
Actually...

I think of it as a "poor parody" if that has been your intention.

Where is the ridiculing exaggeration in this story? Have I missed something?

johnstang2johnstang2about 10 years ago
I like some of your stories.

I particularly liked the one about Wonder Woman getting pregnant by Pan.

However this story I did not like at all. Even if this was a parody you have to know ALL stories are for entertainment and as such all are parodies in one way or the other.

In this story, you having the Mother-in law and his very own mother calling him a little dick wimp who cant impregnate his own wife. Then you get the Mother-in-law's 'black stud' fuck his wife into oblivion while he helplessly watches while his mother calls his a wimp who get off on this stuff.

I for one fail to the humor in this. Maybe I am the wrong color to see the humor though. Maybe to see the humor I have to be a huge dicked black guy. You sir wrote a very racial piece of literature. Its sad that you don't realize its reverse discrimination and that is the reason its not funny.

impo_58impo_58over 9 years ago
Maybe it is a parody....

Maybe it is a parody....But a parody to "racial stereotypes" must be very careful not to end tourning the "racial stereotypes" into "racist stereotypes"...1st - in this story all white women (grand-mothers, mothers, daughters) are whores. 2nd - all black men are reduced just to a cock. My way to see a comedy about this, was in the end the father of the child be the husband....That would put a stupid grin in the mothers, in the breeders, in the wife...A comedy must always end with an anti-climax... That's what was missed in this one.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 9 years ago
SICK

A very sick story. No need for a bunch of half breeds Zebras running around. White trash and a Nig. Get the rope, there will be a hanging tonight.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 8 years ago
Really a "joke"

Nope all I see is an idiotic author. Do us all a favor delete this and NEVER write another story as long as you live.

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
Duh

All the world needs is another Zebra ducking up welfare. White trash. Duh

DrSemblanceDrSemblanceover 7 years ago

Oh for fucks sake people.

This is so obviously a wind up.

He is making fun of the sissified submissive cuck writers all wanting their wives to be blacked by baby makers.

Was laughing my arse off.

Well done.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago
stupid

stupid story in the wrong category, go over to incest or something just get it out of this category. not even remotely a good story, not funny, not thought provoking, just bad

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago

stupid shit of a story not even half believable

AnonymousAnonymousover 4 years ago
I think you have only fantasy.

you wasted my time. Admin please remove this type of bulshit

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 4 years ago
Humor?

Isnt humor supposed to be funny? This is unadulterated crap! If you think this is even remotely funny then you need mental treatment

john_sixfooterjohn_sixfooteralmost 4 years ago
Absolute crap

Interracial, extreme cuckold, black domination, wife domination, mother domination, humiliation. Anything but Loving Wives category. Fetishes would probably work best.

It took too long to be a good stroke story, and then you barely delivered.

I'll not return to this story again, it's trash.

On the other hand, good writing and a good fantasy. You need development but you show potential. Just don't go to such extremes, please.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 3 years ago

Ez egy nagyon gyenge,betegesen felszarvazott írás! Nem ,ne próbálja az író eladni ezt a sz@rt humoros írásként, hiszen a Lowing Wiwes kategóriát választotta és nem a Humor kategóriát ,de ez különben sem vicces !!!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 3 years ago

Story sucks. Black men DON'T talk like that . I think maybe you just write this shit because you wanna suck one

AnonymousAnonymousabout 2 years ago

Mabel and Ruth are using up oxygen please someone anyone put them out of their misery!!!

AnonymousAnonymousover 1 year ago

Silliest thing I've ever read. And the fact they're obviously trailer trash white mommas they would be about as racist as they come. But it was a bit funny.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 1 year ago

Why even write drivel like this BS? It is obviously written by a racist POS trying to cover it as low class humor. Please stop writing and drink drain cleaner over tide pods

Anonymous
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