All Comments on 'Cyber-Space Doc Savage!'

hello again uncle pervey.

Since you insist on rhyming, I'm going to ignore the fact that I hate that particular structure and dissect this poem for you anyway. Lucky, lucky you. *rolls eyes at myself*

Okay, you have great titles. Cyber-Space Doc Savage just comes out and bites you on the eyeballs and makes you interested. There is no need for the exclamation point, it's superfluous. You write in couplet form, and yet you don't use that as your structure, which of course is acceptable, but I think it breaks down your personal visibility of the meter you employ.

In the first verse...

"Doc Savage" is the name I use,

The image that I see.

When I see a cyber-mirror,

Reflecting right back at me!

If you put them side by side in the couplet form they read

"Doc Savage" is the name I use, the image that I see.

When I see a cyber-mirror, reflecting right back at me!

When we do this, we realize that your punctuation is off, because you write in sentences. There should be a semicolon between "use" and "the" in the first line, instead of a comma, a comma after I see, and I don't understand what is so interjectory about the two lines that requires an exclamation point at the end of it. Now, look at the meter. You start of strong with the first line, but if you read it within the given meter. You see accents on the syllables, and when we get to the second line, it's glaringly obvious that the word "right" is also superfluous, in content and within your meter. So, to fix it up...

"Doc Savage" is the name I use; the image that I see,

When I see a cyber-mirror, reflecting back at me.

take out "a" and "all" from the next verse.

The third verse is so forced. The word "true" destroys your meter, but by the time we get to the second line in your "couplet" It doesn't matter anyway, because you've changed the meter completely, just to make the rhyme work. I'm betting you struggled with this part.

In the the next "they're" is better than "they are", and remove just from the last line of the verse.

I can't even figure out how to rearrange the next verse. I can just say that there is meter in both lines of the "couplet" However, they don't match each other.

The final verse has a line that is redundant to the previous verse, and again the meter is off.

I've caved to the fact that you will forever write rhyme, I'd love to see you pair it with some meter and streamline your punctuation.

Interesting story here. This has potential but it needs work.

Leave it to the Uncle to take on the "Doc" ~ I remember reading the "Doc's" tales decades ago in college.