All Comments on 'Desire...'

the first two stanzas! Why do you switch to "demand" in the final stanza when you started with "want" and "desire"? It weakens the poem slightly.

I hope she gave you what you wanted!

nicely written! and arousing as well.

but try this, read it aloud, without the words I put in parenthesis-

I want you...

Wet

savory

swollen with desire

urgent * ,* (and) unrestrained...

your woman lust *flowing and molten* ( I would switch these two words)

(Your) back arched * if not omitting your, add with

in reckless offering...

a sacred gift

of your passion to me.

(For you will be mine)... **this is sort of implied**

joined in wet embrace

your intimate places

mine for the taking.

I know that you feel me (now).

Heart beat rushing

pulsing in your ears.

Knowing arousal's heated flow

I feel your lips full (and) with moist invitation.

Yes and I feel your clit

offering herself to my touch...

my kiss...

I feel your flood

pleading (to be)*for* release(d).

Submit

surrender

give me what I demand (of you)...

(Now.) Quench (the) *this* urgent need...

small things can make a poem just flow so much better, you have a great start and I hope I am not out of place, but its really worth working on and if you want to do one of mine, please feel free, I would be honored :)

since you have the first line with an ellipse, try reading each paragraph as if it directly follows that line and that would make it easier to understand what I am saying :rose:

ps. I dont use the thermometer

My body's throbbing!!!! HOT!