All Comments on 'Can You See Me Now?'

I enjoyed this read very much. I think a bit of trimming could only make it shine more. I love the sporadic rhymes and the repetition. Good work!

(i.e. many different hues could be cut to many hues) Not big changes.

very nice hun..syns right it needs trimmed a bit but this was a powerful read, one i can relate to very closely.

ignore the meter reading..i went on strike, am not using it!

i enjoyed this poem, and the emotion it stirred in me.

I do like the whole poem, but the first half of it, before you start chating "I love, I live" etc. is far superior to the rest in terms of tempo and flow. the "lists" there could be worked with.

Nevertheless, good one!

In the same way I enjoy all your heartbeat-rhythm poems. There's an instance or two where you could insert an s, to make something plural and satisfy grammar and one or two non-intentional typos, but other than that...

I want you to tell me your story, sometime, if the fit takes you.

raw emotions and hypnotic language - great job

And in the end it becomes obvious that all that ranting's about having grown up and out grown a Daddy's love; time to move on and find your own man.

you cant outrun my love and trusting soul TK U MLJ LV NV