All Comments on 'Cayote'

I liked your story because it is from a point of view we hardly ever hear (that of a Native American woman living in the modern world). I also liked all the description which you employed. However, there are a few things that could make this better (in my humble opinion):

1. In the beginning of the story you use 2nd person voice (i.e. "you"). Then you switch to third person ("she") at some point. Try to keep the voice consistent--choose either all second person or all third person. The switch is confusing and breaks the mood.

2. Check your word choices. In the first paragraph you say "the only pavement you see in the invisible line between the rez and county. Once on the pavement..." If it's invisible, how do you see it, and how can it be paved??? Maybe you mean, "The only visible road was the one following the boundary between rez and county."

Also, "preserving the slight chance" sounds odd. Try something like, "ensuring some slight chance". And "embedded with callouses" doesn't work because callouses cannot be embedded. Try "covered with".

3. Watch out for redundancy. "piled a nice little pile...", for example. You could say "Stacked a nice little pile of rocks" or "Made a pile of rocks" or just "Piled some rocks." If you're "piling" then we already know you're making a pile.

4. Check your subject/verb agreement. And remember than womAn is singular and womEn is plural.

I know this is a pretty long critique, but I see a lot of potential with this story and I think you can make it even better than it already is. I enjoyed this, and hope you write more!

p.s.

It reminds me of road 57 in New Mexico---all dirt and cattle guards for miles, until it finally hits a long, straight paved road out in the middle of nowhere (or Chaco Canyon, depending which direction you go).

The Navajo nation is actually stronger and wealthier than many 3rd world countries.

the Dene' have their own knowledge of things which are often discarded by modern society yet carry with them great power which no science man can explain.

Neat little tale of the mixture of the two