All Comments on 'Torn'

This was sooo warm and honest.. and tragic.

Was this true?

If it was.. I hope all is well.

your love for your husband really shined.

Good luck!

I'm not denying that they do. But I wonder why someone could suddenly change their sexual orientation. At least 'Erica' finally got the courage to admit it to her husband. I think the same thing happened to me, but my wife has never admitted it. I don't think she had lesbian encounters, though I'm not sure. She just turned off sexually to me. And yet she still loves me, of this I have no doubt. Why then do I question her sexual orientation? Well, about half her friends are gay. She was coordinator of the Gay and Lesbian task force at her work. These kinds of things are indicators, I guess.

This was a very interesting piece: well written, heart-felt and tragic. But I still ask: How do these things happen?

Oh my God. I hope this is not a true situation for you. After reading it and crying for an hour or so, I figured that I could copy this letter, change the names, genders, and very few of the details, then give it to my wife.

I don't know if I loved it or hated it.

I hate it because it jerked me back into the reality that I must start to deal with. I guess I loved it for the same reason.

If this is a real situation, then this is a real good write and God help us both.

If this is a frictional account not based in real life, then this is a very great piece of literotica.

How can I love so poignant a piece of pure writing ability.

Patti damn you, you made me cry. I don't want her to be lesbian - oh if only she could be bi. Bi is good especially with a sympathetic husband. She cannot be lesbian with all the depth of love and emotion she feels for her husband. I want to write a sequel - I want to be her husband and reply. Oh Patti. I hurt for her. Sniffle.

Why is she not going to counseling to help her deal with this? Maybe something happend in her life that she is blocking out that caused her feelings to change. One other thing, many people have fantasies, but that does not mean you have to carry them out physically. I have met married women I would love to get it on with, and a few times I have gotten signals the feelings are mutual. It will only happen in my mind though, the consequencs of trying to live some fantasies are way to high. She really should seek professional help, don't hide these feelings until they explode.

that was truly one of the most emotional stories i have ever read! Its heart wrenching, i'm holding my breath. The emotion just builds until...{crying}! Will we find out the outcome???

I found myself loving and hating her. I couldn't help but wonder how my personal reaction would be if my woman told me that. It is the stuff of more stories. Consider one thing though. At the risk of sounding racist do not confuse a choice of sexual orientation with life itself. She decided to make a choice and those she's trying to do the honorable thing with the majority of people there would be no coexistance. I agree with an earlier posting. She writes like there is something else going on in her head that she has yet to deal with.

The best course of action, on the husband's part, is to love her, no matter what. I mean, if you're going to lose her, in a sexual way, no matter what --- but she's still the mother of your children and she's still a loving and honest person and a friend --- why not continue to love her as before,,, but only now in a friendly way, without sexual contact?

That way, you will still have her, she will still have you, and you two --- even in separate lives --- would go on loving and nurturing the children you've created together.

Sexual orientation, the most updated scientific hypotheses show, is an act of chemical activities at the most sublime part of our brains; it is not, therefore, something we consciously "choose". Getting together with Jerry Falwell and Jimmy Swaggert and/or the Rev. Jesse Jackson (and praying together, not having orgies!) is not going to re-oriented the wife's present sexual orientation.

But staying supportive of her, even with the current and inexplicable turn in her sexual needs, will ensure that she will stay as a loved one, even if not as a beloved. Knowing that she will not want to have sex with you, but also knowing that she will always be a part of your life and your children's life ---- it is like having a best friend, be they male or female, a best friend who is even of a best friend; it is someone who would DIE for your children, because they are her children as well.

The other option is, of course, irrational bitterness, hatred, judgement, and other such selfish crap ---- which will still not get her back, as a sexual partner nor friend, but will eat one up inside, toxifying one's life and thoughts and activities.

I would like to differ with one assertion she made, that she would never cheat. She already did. Somebody else stopped her physically, but if not for that she would have done it physically as well as emotionally.

The idea that he would stop loving her because her orientation is changed is silly. That their relationship will change is certain. The coming confession will probably destroy their physical closeness. I can imagine few things as deflating as knowing that it turns the stomach of the person I'm intimate with to be with me. It would pretty much guarantee that there is no circumstance in which she could ever coax an erection from me.

This is a lose (him), lose (her), lose (kids) situation. Sometimes that's how it goes in life. Very sad.

So obviously, the only conclusion possible from this is that it's really well written.

IF THE WIFE IS GAY,SHE SHOULD MOVE ON.DON'T PROLONG THE GUILT AND HURT THAT CAUSE YOUR CHILDRED AND HUSBAND IN THE TOWN .BECAUSE IF YOU WANT A LOVER THE MARRIAGE IS OVER.

In reading your letter I was reminded of the actress Vivian Vance who played opposite Lucille Ball on the TV show 'I Love Lucy'. Vivian Vance was last married for 18 years to a man who was gay. That fact was well known and is now quite public. What was extraordinary about that couple was that for all everyone knew, he was COMPLETELY faithfull to her for the 18 years until he died. That said more about his character than anything could.

The abhorrent thing about such marriages in my mind is the deceit not the union. When the governor of New Jersey announced to the world that he was gay I wanted him throttled. By her own accounts he deceived his current wife, possibly also his first wife, and furthermore brought 2 children in the world under that umbrella of deceit. He said he was a "proud" gay man. There was nothing in his behaviour to be proud about.

There is no adequate substitute for honesty in a relationship. I applaud the writer of that letter to Jim.

I'm not sure when you wrote this but today in PEOPLE Magazine there was an artcle on just this subject. Personally, I feel that it is a LOOSE, LOOSE, LOOSE situation for everyone.

The story about Vivian Vance is interesting, it shows you don't have to live you fantasies if they will hurt someone else. I seriously doubt anyone chooses to become a pedophile. If someone wants to read the stories about them and jerk off, I have no problem. It is the people who decide they have to live out this dream I have a problem with. The same with people who want to hurt someone during sex. Masturbate to the thoughts, but don't beat someone up so you can get your rocks off. She says she loves her husband. If she thinks this might destroy his ego, make him think he is such a loser as a man that his wife turns lesbian, she should think a whole lot more before she tells him. She doesn't know right now what he will think or do, but until she has a lot better idea, if she really loves him, she will hold off. While getting laid is right up there in the top ten, it is not the most important thing in the world. She needs to get her priorities straight. Men are accused of letting the little head rule the big head, she appears to be doing the same thing.

What a well-written letter, Patti, and very well titled. Even if I can't relate to her being gay, I could really relate to her as a human being suffering conflicting feelings about her identity in this society, and darn it, I got the feeling she really did love her husband too. What an awful mess of emotion you've described, and beautifully so. Bravo.

First of all: Let met congretulate the writer with a well written story. I think it's an achievement of its own to write something that lead to so many interesting reactions. Well done.

Now my two cents in the current discussions. No mather what will happen, there wil be damage done to someone. Most likely the husband is already in hurt. Often you can read that love and sex are two seperate things. But I think that's nonsens. I know you can have sex without love but loving without expressing your affection physical is an almost no excisting thing. Even friends of the same gender can share an hug from time to time without being gay.

Therefore I can't imagion a greater pain than to experience rejection from your spouse if you want to kiss her or want to initiate other physical contacts. Even if the wife tries to hide her repulsion, the bodylanguage wil give her away. Maybe that professional help wil do some good but to be honest, I don't see much future for them as man and wife.

There are very few men that would recieve a letter like this and not throw her out on her ass. I think that too many people just blame their own bad choices on " Hidden sexual orination" She is wanting to cheat on her husband. Their marriage is over but for the screaming. I think that most women do not understand how men really feel or think. The blow to this husband's ego will eventually crush any relationship they have ever had.

Oh this is so sad. I have to give credit to Erica for not letting these emotions eat her up inside and let it all out to her husband. Too bad that, even though she is very confused, she already stated that she wants to become a cakewoman.

How would her husband handle this situation? We as readers don't know. The only thing is that I wouldn't want to be in his shoes. How would I feel if I can't meet my wife's sexual needs because of my gender? ....desperate....pure hell.... *sighs*

If this happens in RL, the only situation that can occur is (like some readers have written) a lose-lose situation.

As always (well almost always anyway) I really enjoyed another of Patricia's stories. The pain the wife is going through is palpable. However this marriage is over.

Unlike the Vivian Vance story the two spouses here did not enter into the relationship with this information. There has been a very basic change in the relationship. The wife now has either "become gay" or "realized that she is gay" (depending upon your political approach). This is a fundamental change in the dynamics. The husband's touch is desired but sex with him is sickening!!!

Hopefully the husband would be supportive. They have children together. For their sake and for the love they have shared he should be as supportive as possible. However, that does not mean being a doormat. If she wants to live a lesbian lifestyle, great but not as his wife. She will always be the mother of their children and apparenlty wants to be his close friend. She wants the security of the old relationship without the intimacy. She wants to use him as her emotional safety net while she flies through the air with others.

If I'm in his shoes I say, "I will always love you. I will support you in whatever way I can. Having said that, as much as I love you, as much as I will support you, I want a wife not a friend and a roommate. Let me know when you are ready to discuss property and custody issues?"

This is very sad, not just the situation that the woman, wife, mother and supposed lover of her about to be ex-husband. But also for all those who have commented feeling her pain, while not dealing with the real issue of underlying selfishness. This person has let the desire to fulfil fantasy errode her real life to the destruction of that life. This is the extreme of selfishness. Yes in life somethings are made complex just so we can have warm fuzzy feelings about what is really not complex at all. We should not have justification for the wrong thing, and guilt and pain are the honest rewards for the destroying of those around us. I hope she tears up her note to herself, looks in the mirror and has an honest chat with herself. She is about to trade all that is good and wonderful in life for smoke and mirrors. That is too sad.

Excellent story. But I have one large problems with it. First, was the woman in question straight all those years? All of sudden...BAM! she's gay??!! I really have trouble bying into that. I have some bi friends but they tell me they were always bi..some are maybe 70/30 one way or the other. I do know of a couple that did have something happen like this but like I said, she was always bi, she just never told him. Also, just what does she expect her ehusband to do? Go the rest of his life with just blowjobs knowing all the time that when he's inside her she dreaming of a woman and a strap on? :-(

I gave this a high vote not for the content but for the character. Most stories on this sight seem to have such flimsy characters but as to the character. I've never been one to accept the claim that a person could not help how they felt about sex. Maybe if it was programed into their psych early in life this would be so. And there is such a thing as self programing and Bio-chem imbalances. But desire like any other obsession is a matter of invitation into your mind and nurturing it until it is full blown. We encourage our desires like a repetitive cycle playing with the endorphins sadly such a characters is possible but not totaly guiltless in their predicument. You can develope a desire for anything. "An acquired taste."

First, let me congratulate Pat51 for another outstanding story. Autobiographical??

Secondly, I can feel the pain this lady...this mom...this wife

has ..........

Thirdly (is that a word?), I can only imagine the mans pain

if she tells him. I vote for a follow-up story where she tells

him. He probably thinks she is having an affair and doesn't

have the courage to confront her. If I noticed my wife turning away, I would ask her why. As for being gay...I don't know about that. My wife and I discussed a few women

we know, who say they are gay. Huh? Then, in a few years,

they wind up married with kids, mortgage, husband, etc.

Takes a higher pay grade than mine to figure that stuff out.

Of interest to men --- my wife refers to me as her anchor in

life. More than once she has told me I give her direction

and stability. Now, before you women think she is a bimbo,

she is a professional woman with a degree in psychology.

I am constantly amazed at how smart she is...academically

and otherwise. Too many educated idiots out there with NO

common sense. And yes, I have graduate degrees also. So

how is it that this wonderful creature considers me HER

anchor in this world? Dunno. She says I am "concrete sequential" in my thinking and she is "random abstract".

Whatever...

Mars and venus, yada yada yada. But Erica seems to be well

"put together" emotionally, not some alcoholic nut who changes her hair color and life every week. If my wife came

to me at age 40 and told me this, I would tell her how sorry

I am, but divorce her and find someone who could love all of

me. At age 60...I would take longer to divorce her, but I

would. There is sex and there is making love to someone you

do love. I have had lots of both and I choose making love to my beloved wife. My partner, my soulmate and mother of our kids. I would give my life for her or the kids, but if

she told me she did not want further physical intimacy with

me. I would cry for a long time, but I need more than that.

If I live to be 70 or 80 I might change my mind, but I don't

think so. Our love is almost on a molecular level...I cannot imagine her not wanting physical intimacy with me.

Sorry, did not mean be a "downer", but this letter stirs

powerful emotions. As I said at the beginning...two good

people have their lives ruined.

A really monumental dilemna. No solution in the offing, just a big problem.

Now, husband comes home, says we have to talk. I've been seeing this woman, since you have shut me out, and I want a divorce.

Everything solved. Isn't it?

My wife was not as loving and kind when she told me. It was in person, and we did work it thru, but it was very painful for both of us.

Your writing is wonderful.

Dear patricia51,

I read your story (letter) before reading the companion story written by Chagrined in "A Typical Day." I am glad that the two stories were written by two different writers. That made the story(s) more interesting for me. I really did enjoy the angst that the letter tried to convey. But, I wasn't truly convinced by Erica's state of mind. Maybe its because I'm one of those other guys who think with their cocks...no that's not me.

I am attaching to this comment column the comments that I made to "Chagrined" after I read his story. I hope you don't mind "sharing".

****************************

For the sake of full understanding of this story, I read "Torn" before I read "A Typical Day".

Both writers did a very good job with telling their side of the story. Both of the writers developed their character to "support" their view of this crisis that befell this "once happy couple and their wonderful marriage".

I think it is all a lie.

The wife pours out her "agony" of a situation I believe is more of a mid-life crisis than a change of sexual orientation. The wife "fantasies" about other women and turns that fantasy into a marriage crisis. She makes her fantasy a "life or death" situation and wants her husband to "help fix it" so that she won't be blamed for any of her future actions.

My soultion: Separation. (Then maybe divorce) The wife must leave the family and go off to find a female lover. Is her sexual orientation real, or just a fantasy creation? Life without her husband or her children will test whether or not there really has been a sexual orientation change or just a sexual "desire".

The husband does what Dustin Hoffman did in "Kramer vs Kramer", he pulls himself and his remaining family together and they form a different family life-style for themselves. Hard as it would be, the alternative (living together) for Jim and the kids would be disasterous. In the end, hate would replace any love they might have had for each other.

The wife must find the solution for herself. Don't hang all this baggage on the husband and make his life a living hell. Give him some "space" to allow his manhood to remain in tact. With them living together, the so-called "change" will always be present in that intimate area that bonds a marriage together. I don't think that there ever will be any "true intimacy" for this couple. Not until (if it is possible) the wife to realize that her change is only a mid-life crisis. (My Dr. Strangelove theory)

Over simplified?? Sure...but what did you expect from a guy who was always faithful to his wife and expects the same in return. (My name is not Jim...) I wish him good luck and lots of intestinal fortitude.

But, I did enjoy both of the writers story telling. (Really)

I had to read the letter after comment on the chapter. It was a very frank and to the point scribe, but I will say to her move into the other bedroom or move out. He should be a brother or be married to put up a good front. He got to sit around seeing her walk around in night clothes and he can't touch or have sex with her. She should leave, before it get to a point she comes one late night after being with her love and crawls up in the bed next to him with female sex dripping and he may be horny himself. Another point I haven't heard of her letting Jim have sex with another woman to fill that void of what she is giving him and still love her.

there is also an email to you Patricia51

this is what real writing is all about. this short letter can jerk the heart, let me feel her pain, and let me try to look to her future.

i have nothing but quetions.

Patricia, I have the greatest respect for you. this is a masterpiece. I almost wish it was required reading for everyone who thinks they are a writer.

the true test of a person's love is what? to live with Erica and allow the things she desires? to tear the letter into the same size pieces that her husband's heart and ego will become if or when he reads it?

who will suffer most, the longer, pay the biggest price, give up the most. is this sickness and health?

the basic questions are real, what is love? how is (how can) it to work under these conditions requested in the letter.

I will admit that I do not understand the gay lifestyle. maybe it frightens me. I do understand pain and love and the growing together and apart of people. i also know of the wounded bear reaction, having been in this situation but not the gay arena. hell, Patricia i love the story.

i think i am very jealous of your ability to make me think, hurt, and suffer with Erica and her family. Who will suffer the most?

This roller coaster ride, so well captured and bravely displayed, is one I spent quite some time on before also coming to terms with my feelings. You've done an excellent job of harnessing the cruel dueling emotions a woman experiences in the process of coming to terms with her sexuality. It probably surprises many people that it's not just about sex and that her love for her man is still present. I commend you on finding a way to weave such complex and intricate emotions into such a short piece of truth. Nicely done, P.

~lucky

Selfish cow its all about I want I want I want my cake and eat it how about the husband saying I want you to fuck off I'm not your bloody emotional crutch ...I deserve more than what your offering .

I loved this... certainly strikes a cord with me... I believe it can happen... lifes a bitch like that somethings.. BAM it certainly can happen!!

have her cake and eat it too? choices, where she

should just make hers

in one breath, say she loves his touch, then finds him turn off. her honesty is a sham

This so called sensitive, loving letter is so full of lies and bullshit that it reeks! First lie: You don't suddenly turn lesbian after 17 years of marriage. Just does not happen. Bi-sexual perhaps but lesbian, never. Which means she isn't turned off from all men, just from him. Oh sure, she doesn't have another man in mind at the moment but what if she did meet one that turned her on?

Second lie: She still loves him as much as ever? Wow, turns her head when he kisses her, closes her eyes when he makes love to her (but strangely not when she gives him a blowjob?) She doesn't love him worth a fuck, this is just how she is dealing with her guilt. Thus the blowjob is acceptable because she is still meeting his sexual needs and this relieves her of this guilt.

third lie: She shrinks from his body but not his touch. How the hell can she give him a blowjob if she shrinks from his body? Like she says with the doggie fucking she can pretend it is a woman with a strapon but with a blowjob she is right up and personal with his dick.

And what is the definition of touch? She cites holding hands. OK. But what about a hug? Is that just touch? What about his arm around her shoulders or waist? What about snuggling together while sleeping in bed together? Lesbians don't grave touch from a man. Just more bullshit, she is bi.

Fourth lie: She hasn't betrayed their vows. Of course she has. She pursued another woman and it was only because that woman turned her down that it didn't happen. Intent is the same thing as sucess. If a husband makes a drunken pass at another woman at a party, did he break his vows? Of course.

Fifth lie: She could never live with anyone but him. Her emotional ties are as great as ever. This is just more of the same bullshit spouses say when they are caught cheating. It's just sex it is you I love. Ho Ha lay it on thick! You mean to tell me that if she does start having sex with women that she won't ever fall in love with one? She is just going to fuck them with absolutely no feelings or emotions attached? And if she does fall in love she isn't going to want to move in with them. Even if she means what she says what does he become? A roommate, a brother, a father figure? Ah crap, enough of this bullshit. There are enough lies in the world already without writing fictional ones.

The second sentence in your letter "Torn" contains one of the most common mistakes made by the authors of this site.

"A part of me wants to tear it to pieces right now, before its finished, before its even begun."

The word you should have used in both places is "it's" meaning "it is" or (in the second case) "it has."

Everytime I see one of these little errors, it disrupts my enjoyment of the story for a brief moment. And, in your case, your stories are all enjoyable to varying degrees.

How difficult would it be to read what you are submitting more carefully before making that final move. Your stories, and command of the written language, are better than most. Just make the final effort, perhaps get a new editor if you're using one.

A fan,

Bob

tooter44@earthlink.net

In the marriage vows, when the pastor/priest speaks of 'two become one', it seemed to me that there was an undeniable implication of the act of sexual union between a man and a woman. What could be a more intimate union, the coupling of two people, when a woman accepts her husband's cock into her body; or in a complementary fashion, what could tie a man more to a woman than the fact that she is the one with whom he joins, sharing his pleasure as well as putting his seed in her womb?

When a wife denies sex to her husband, she was telling him that she no longer desires that union, that there was something about him that she no longer wants or needs. And that is about as bruising to a mans ego, self-esteem, whatever you want to call it, as anything I could imagine.

One of the things that hurts so much is when a wife denies her husband sex and the intimacy of foreplay, it is telling him that in a very profound way, she doesn't love him. At least, not anymore.

In addition, it is very humiliating to have to beg a wife for sex, only to be told no, as if it was some sort of privilege to which he was unworthy. That he was debasing himself to approach her as some sort of supplicant.

Now in regards to Erica's sudden change in her sexual desires, I agree with one of the comments above. She has undergone a self induced sexual conditioning. This letter is evidence of learned behavior that was totally foreign to her 18 months ago. I can see growing into desiring another woman sexually, but not at the expense of her life long attraction to men.

needs to keep her vows .......PERIOD !!!!! and find a good shrink if she has to and keep her mouth shut . She deserves to loose everything including her kids if she went through with that " talk " clearly mentally unstable or a physical problem - people dont just turn gay - you are or you are not . Very hard to believe after 15 years a sudden change . She needs to shut up and seek help .

Such a hot story, despite no actual sex taking place. All of the innuendos, the implications, the bursting sexuality (and her devotion to her husband) combine for an intoxicating brew. I can relate personally as well as my wife is bisexual (she has several lovers - I think it's great). Maybe this is a new fetish - men being married to lesbians?

It happens every day all around the world. Couples seperate for one reason or another. Sometimes it involves another person.

But the main people need to talk, to see where they went wrong, how and when did one of them change or what caused it. Can they return to how there were before.

But in the end if one of them wants to finish then the other person has to give way. It's a sad moment when you see your life torn apart.

But if you have children that another story.

I've been there and if it wasn't for my daughter, I dont know what I would do.

OMG Patricia!, what a great story! I know I'm a bit behind in the reviewing but I'm doing my best lol :D. It's amazing the way you capture her suffering and her struggle with herself, it's almost like you have a direct line to her brain lol; well of course you do! it's your creation after all but you do seem to understand humans very well. And of course you've got that wonderful talent of putting almost anything into just the perfect words! I think you stopped at the perfect place, but I do wish you had wrote a bit more, I'd have like to see what happens between the two characters.

Samira

you make erica and her problem very real, and it is very well written. i had actually read captain midnight's reply to erica before i read this, and i loved his response so much i had to read this and find out why he would respond so lovingly. the depth of emotion you have given erica is very well portrayed and the subtle ways you solidified the entirety of her emotional battle to date in such a short space is both remarkable and amazingly complete. the structuring of her character development forming her into a believable person is truly worthy of people asking if this is really happening to you. (and i so pray it isn't for your whole families sake)

that said, i will express my thoughts on the subject as others have done I will keep them separate from my view of the work itself. for it is my belief that the writing and subject always be treated separate in any feedback.

there are many things that cause men and women's sexuality to change. many of those things are still not identified by science and psychology. she did not "suddenly turn gay" the process appears to have developed over the course of a year, leading one to wonder what happened before the beginning of the story to precipitate it. are the changes results of physical changes? chemical changes? or psychological changes? did an dramatic or traumatic event happen? is she having a female midlife crisis? did she have her tubes tied after having her last child (a decrease in sexual desire is normal when a woman is no longer able to reproduce) or is the onset of menopause effecting her hormones and her imagination filling in a "plausible cover story" for why she is losing her sex-drive as happens naturally during that period of life. (women can be as vain as men about their sexual desires and a drastic change in her needs would be cause for alarm and the imagination trying to find a more "acceptable" reason than just getting old)

i think, that a talk is very very necessary, but feel rather than say that she knows she is gay, she should be more honest with her husband and explain her diminishing sexual desire and express concern that something is changing within herself, have her then express her fantasies and the confusion they are causing as her own sexuality is obviously changing. she should reassure her husband that the changes are not his fault or a lack in himself but something she does not understand happening with in herself.

my final note is to your other critics, some of you make very valid points on the content of her writing, others have made some rather obnoxious blustering with out support, however, very few of you have commented on her quality. i find that rather sad that so many have judged the writers work entirely by their own emotional and belief response to the subject mater, and not the quality of writing that went into it. the goal of writing is to make what is written come alive in the readers mind. the fact that so many of you have responded emotionally (both positive and negative) to this work shows very clearly that the writer achieved that very very well. so take a moment to praise the work not just blast or praise the subject.

always exist and grow....TK U MLJ LV NV

This is beautifully written.

brings on remorse, especially of/in the mind. I think p51 needs to pen an epilog or more to this one. TK U MLJ LV NV

Things like this happen in real life,it happens with men and women where things appear to change.Trans people run into this a lot as well.When it comes to matters of sexuality and gender identity it is very easy to bury who you are and then find it can't be buried any longer.Why and how it happens is not predictable and the why is varied.The irony is that the person may not have lied,when scared the mind can create a fiction,especially as a child,it is like acting.This letter also shows that coupling is on many levels and while sex is up there it isn't the only major part of who we love.I would agree she should see someone,not to 'cure' her like the religiously stupid think you can do but to make sure what she needs and be able to do whatever without destroying herself or her spouse. Yes,it could be a coping mechanism to for example find a way to get out of a dead marriage without the guilt of doing so for another man but I doubt it here,this sounds too familiar.

Beautifully written.I felt as if I was intruding on the private, intimate relationship of a couple. As if I had accidentally found this letter and read it. I do hope that there is a follow up coming for us to read.

She is happily married, enjoys sex with her husband. Than after years someday out of the the blue she suddenly not only discovers she is sexually attracted to women (That happens often, many people are actually a shade of bi) but that she suddenly can't stand the thought of having sex with a man.

That fact; that suddenly she can not do something she enjoyed her whole life tells me that what she has is a desease or a mental illness.

Personally I have never given it much thought. I have no problem with people being gay, also it bothers me that gay women deminish my potential dating pool by two at a time. But doesn't sound at all as if it were natural or god given or something. It sounds as if she has some kind of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Maybe people are gay for different reasons. Could it be as simple as too much Testosterone in the Blood ?

if you gotta have another woman, just bring the bitch in and we can share her, ifter 17 years we can both use some new pussy.

most women are bi to some degree whether they realize it or not. But for a woman who has been married and happy in the marriage to suddenly find men turn them off and be attracted to only woman indicates several types of medical issues that need to be addressed, from hormonal inbalance all the way over to brain tumors. And we would need to consider various types of mental illness that are medically involved.

how will it be handled with the best for all concerned, TK U MLJ LV NV

after 8 years and no epilog. Now is the time for you to do so. TK U MLJ LV NV

Still waiting for reply!!!

Patricia

I loved your Dear Jim letter. I loved the emotional impact. I even loved the dilemma it placed both Erica and Jim in but it just doesn't hold true to life.

Erica, if she truly was lesbian would have had those feeling long before she ever married Jim. Although her feeling could have been deeply repressed, as so many women who come out later in life have done, she still would have known deep down that she was attracted to other women. If her letter would have just hinted that she'd had some feelings for other women before she met Jim I would have been more receptive.

That said, I do believe that it would still be possible given the right kind of family background, repressive religiously fanatical family, she could have been so deeply in denial her desire finally could no longer be denied. Giving her the feeling that her overwhelming desire for other women was new and sudden.

Could Erica have fallen in love with Jim? I think so, although for most lesbians, myself included, it could never be as deep a love as we'd feel for another woman. But given time and the desire to live a normal life, Cinderella/Prince Charming happily ever after life and given the right man, her love for him could become very deep.

If some of you who have read this letter don't believe a lesbian could be in a long term heterosexual relationship, you have no idea of what the real world is like. For us women it is so much easier to just live the Cinderella/Prince Charming life than to live a life of two mommies. You have no idea what it's like to tell a long term friend you're a lesbian and then have her reject your friendship. Or to be walking in a public park showing your lover a little affection and having some guys drive by throwing and hitting you with a full can of beer while screaming derogatory remarks out the car windows. For many women it's just easier to deny their true desire and live as a hetro.

I do find it offensive for some of the men who commented Erica must be suffering from some kind of mental illness. It's so typical for men to feel threatened by those of us who don't desire what they have packing between their legs. Bisexual is a turn on to men but by not wanting or needing them to fulfill our sexual needs men seem, in some cases, to become angry beasts.

Who knows the outcome but there are marriages that do seem to work very well where the wife has her lesbian lover. In some cases all three co-habitat. For most of human history men have been allowed more then one wife, or wife and mistress, what's wrong with the shoe being on the other foot and the wife being allowed the same freedom.

As far as cheating or forsake all others, what does it really mean. Is a woman suppose to live her whole life restricted only to her husband. What about falling in love with someone but never having sex. Or the husband spending many, many hours with his buddies, golf, hunting, fishing, snowmobiling, playing poker and watching football while she sits at home being housewife and mother, at the same time working full-time. How is that forsaking all others. It's sad but true many women live that life and then the husband wonders why she doesn't desire sex or she finds another lover, woman or man.

I guess I've spoken my piece. Anyway if you ever read this Patricia know I truly did find this a very emotionally impactful, sad but true to life for many women who come out later in life. I just would have liked a hint of some earlier lesbian tendency.

get your ass home and bring the slut with you. that way i can fuck you both until i cant fuch anymore and you can keep yourselves happy until i can get it up again.

Your title, "Torn" was extremely well executed through this letter. It made me want to reach out, to be there for her, whatever her subsequent journey may have been.

I noticed only after finishing the letter and browsing through the comments that this was written 8 years ago. It would be nice to follow her journey, to see even if she was correct in saying she was "gay", or if, by sharing her feelings, acknowledging and letting them take a place in her life, she developed physical attraction for her husband--alongside those for women--again.

I hope, lastly, that you, the author, found a way to ignore the comments from readers who had to heap on you their prescriptions for Erica's dilemma.

Incredible read.

Had the good sense to let her go to her lover and to find a woman who actually does love him. Not as a paycheck but as a wife should love her husband.

when you should be in counseling, TK U MLJ LV NV

Only fools find this romantic or erotic.

Your story is well written and does indeed present a dilemma to the characters Jim and Erica. I can't help but think that you had some kind of possible ending while you were writing it. Why don't you share with us your ending? To force us to do the work of theorizing the ending is really too cruel.

According to the current Gay dogma, you are born that way, you don't just turn Gay or choose to be Gay. So, that would mean she was Gay all along and lied to her husband and everyone else. She tricked her husband into marriage, stuck him with kids, and now she wants to fuck around. This is not about being Gay, this is about being a shitty person.

That's how much pressure society puts on people not to be gay (it's been getting better, but anyone who's old enough to be where Erica is was raised in the dark ages). Erica probably felt the stirrings in her teen years, but convinced herself that it was "just a phase," because the alternative and what it might mean to her future life was too horrible to contemplate. Then she met Jim, who she seems to see as Mr. Perfect, she did the expected thing, married, raised a family and convinced herself that everything was ok. Until it wasn't.

I dont buy it.

19 years together, she had a child. then suddenly after all that these feelings develop?

something is wrong.

You dont change into being gay.

Rather then explore whats happening, see a psychiatrist for example, she is going to destroy him and worse her childrens lives. They will never recover for this at all.

Its not her heart that has changed,but the body.This is the base upon which 'THEY' have to act. And it has to remain 'THEIR' fight.The moment it becomes an Individual struggle, LOVE dies. Losers, all.

This letter is just one amongst the many such literary Gems,the reason why Patti is in my FAV. Authors list.

In just a few words all possible human emotions come forth, through the readers mind.

Nothing less than 5.

Marriage is dead either way.

Since she's always allowed herself to desire other people, she was never all in with him anyway. All that changed is that now the other people aren't men any more.

>Slowly over the last two years I've stopped looking at men. Instead, I've been fascinated by other women.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BePz4N156-Q

No matter one's persuasion or sexual inclination, one has to be frozen in one's tracks upon reading this intense and incredibly well written letter of love, fear, astonishment, and foreboding. I have read all the continuations which only caused to intensify my belief that patricia51, as the author of this piece, is the only person who do a worthy and just "completion."

. She worries about losing him. But her desire to consume her lesbianism, means she , in spite of what she writes, has already left him. It's time to move out and make her own way. And, in truth, she already knew this.

Did her genetics suddenly change? I thought being gay was set by birth.

Obviously it is not. Oh, it might be partially set at birth. But there are elements of choice involved and women's sexuality, according to science, is much more amorphous than men's.

So what the hell happened? It's the author's story, so I have to believe this happened, but honestly, this is cake eating. "I want to be gay but I want nothing to change in my life, despite the fact that I am FORCING changes on you, my husband."

I can empathize with this letter, but at the end of the day, what exactly is she offering? She doesn't want her husband as a lover. She isn't offering him sexual release elsewhere. She isn't making him feel more secure. And her Doc Martens are already halfway out the door. She is not promising to not divorce him and take the children.

The only thing I see in this letter is an appeal to let her rug munch to her heart's content and hope he loves her enough to let her do this. Which is pretty fucking selfish.

So yes. She is in a bind. And she is taking the selfish way out.

Horrible, unfinished ending. I simply can't abide stories that authors leave completely unfinished.

Sorry but I give this 1 star

Okay, I liked this a lot, liked the openness of it.

It addressed one of my beefs with ANY partner who has an issue: Bring it out in the open, don't go behind the partner's back.

One point of confusion - I get that she prefers doggie so that she can pretend it's a woman with a strap-on. But I don't understand how she can then give him blow jobs!

Another thought, and I DON'T mean this in a snide way; why not find a bi lover, so that her husband can have a more or less normal sex life? Especially if she really wants to stay married! As she herself says, she can't expect him to sit at home, patiently waiting for her to satisfy her lesbian urges, knowing that any satisfaction she gives him will be mercy fucks.

This is thought provoking and moving. I'm not sure what the resolution is. I'm sure there are as many solutions as there are respondents, so it's not surprising that I don't have one. I can imagine one where they open their marriage, but it doesn't lessen the heartache of a man losing the physical affection of his life partner. He can probably find women to fuck...but fucking is not making love. And knowing that your wife no longer desires you, and additionally wondering if indeed she ever has- that's a tough future to face for anyone.

As for the commenter who questions whether gays are made or born, that's simply too shallow and self serving a reaction. Many, many people have resisted the impulse to follow their desire. Some have done it their entire lives, never tasting the forbidden fruit for fear of the repercussions. This woman has probably had an attraction for other women since puberty and never been willing to admit it to herself.

This is heartbreaking. The ancient Greeks were right. The gods are laughing at us.

you suck it up buttercup. Marriage vows are for life.

If i was her hubby i would very gladly kick the shit to the curb. she wants it all and expects him to be accepting of it horsepucky!!!!! cheating is cheating weather gay bi lesbian or straight if my wife came to me with that letter she would be out the door quick divorced and no kids and no life after i destroyed it

Wow... there's no good way out of that, is there. A bi lover isn't the answer, she wasn't asking for one - she loves her hubby, she just wishes he was woman-shaped. She likes sucking cock because... she likes sucking cock. Boundaries are not absolute. People I've known who've come out later in life usually aren't this biased to one end of the scale, though. Who knows, maybe she'll find him ( only ) sexually attractive again one day. Not sure it's fair on either of them to wait, but she's not looking to get out. Oy...

I remember as a 5 year old, for sure a 7 year old liking girls (I'm male). So I assumed purely gay people were the same. Sure many don't come out till adults, I just assumed that was because they didn't want to deal with a judgemental society. So the only thing I can make out with Erica is that possibly bi and somehow her attraction has tilted more towards women all of a sudden.

She obviously loves the husband. In many ways she is still sexually attracted to him, but has a strong desire for women. If Jim is right he can totally turn this into most men's fantasy and bring up the idea of bringing in a bisexual woman to try it out and maybe have a long term triad relationship. Even if she has gone more towards lesbian than bi the bisexual woman can be that bridge between husband and wife. They still have the love and intimacy and she still has some sexual feelings towards him so she may swing back down the road. Before she does he should take advantage, lol.

The thing I don't understand though is I can buy the doggie, but how can she suck cock if she is totally lesbian all of a sudden. I would think a lesbian would be repulsed by that as I would be.

I enjoyed this wonderfully-written, heart-felt story. I wonder how the wife turned lesbian after so many years, but nevertheless, the letter to her husband was poignant and honest. Would love to read a story about her discussion with her husband. -- JRZ

Sometimes the truth can cut so deep.

So she comes clean about her desire to be intimate with other women but wants it all without loosing her marriage, her husbands love or her kids.

Tell me this. If she suddenly decides she has feeling for another lover besides her husband and that's really the bottom line would it be any difference if it was another man or men? Is there really any difference if her desires are for women or men or maybe she wants to experience an open marriage or swinging or another another hall pass I will call it to any other sexual adventure that it could be. The bottom line is she is looking for permission to break her vowels of marriage. To forsake all others. To do that puts a marriage at jeopardy in any way of the act. I feel for the husband because his wife can not put her desires in the category of a forbidden act of be-trail to her marriage. Just my thoughts.

Dear Jim,

I do not know if you will ever see this letter. A part of me wants to tear it to pieces right now, before its finished, before its even begun. I don't know if I can make myself write it. I have stood and paced and sat in front of the keyboard and typed and then erased everything. I want, somehow, I want everything to go away. I want things to be what they were just a year ago. But they're not, they never can be, and I don't know how to deal with that.

Jim, you are my husband, the father of my children, the only man I've ever loved. I know that you have sensed something is wrong between us, growing more and more pronounced over the past twelve months. I see it in your eyes, I feel it in your touch. You are as hesitant as I have been to broach the subject. Like me, somehow you have hoped that if you ignore it, it will go away. It won't.

I am an alcoholic.

There, I said it. I'm an alcoholic, a lush, a BOOZER. At least I think I am. And I can't be. I'm the vice-president of the PTA, I teach Sunday School. Women like me aren't alcoholics. Nevertheless, the urge, the desire, the attraction towards liquor has taken over me. It obsesses me. In the times when I can think rationally about it, all I can think of is that I am indeed an alcoholic. I promise you I have never betrayed our wedding vows, but I have come so close to it I shudder now that I think of it.

How did this happen, you may well ask. Along with so many other things, I have no answers, only more questions. Slowly over the last two years I've stopped looking at everything. Instead, I've been fascinated by beer, wine, and liquor. More and more my eyes would follow the curves of the bottles containing my drug. My thoughts would linger on the slight gap of a blouse or the lift of a skirt. I found myself following a woman on the noise a beer makes when it is first opened. I go out every day to walk down the aisles of a grocery store, all but mesmerized by the vast array of bottles on the shelves and how that moves me; quickening my appetite. When our neighbor suddenly turned around as I was contemplating buying up the whole shelf with our credit card, I almost ran into her I was staring so hard. I was completely embarrassed but passed it off as "Not watching where I was going".

So the desire has continued to grow. Remember when we went to the Faith Hill concert about 6 months ago? I teased you that night about you making love to her. Well I was thinking about how we could do more things together that gave me license to drink a ton of booze.

Its made sex very hard. I don't want any man, even you, the only man I've ever wanted. You've noticed. I cringe at the knowledge that I have turned my head away from you when you kiss me. I close my eyes when we're making love. I'm sure its not escaped you that I now prefer to stay up later at night until you fall asleep. Isn't that a kick? I so love to drink that your cock no longer does it for me. I haven't lost that desire completely, but it takes a poor second place to the way alcohol makes me feel each night. I wonder why. I have tried desperately not to deny you. Not because "you're a guy and have to have sex" or because I think you are "entitled to it", but because for us its always been an expression of love.

But in the end, I admit it: I'm addicted. Hopefully you'll understand and support me somehow in my feelings and new love. Can we somehow find a way to make this work, so that our children and relatives won't be hurt? I know I can rely on you, my rock, to help me transition to this new and wonderful phase of my life. Help me to be the real me; the alcoholic me, so we can celebrate my new orientation as a lover of ethyl ambrosia.

Your loving wife, Margarita

Are we then only the sum total of our urges? Pathetic

Interesting story.

"Slowly over the last two years I've stopped looking at men."

This seems hard to believe. Lesbians and gay men usually know from puberty who they're attracted to. I think it's much more likely that she stayed in the closet because she didn't feel brave enough to "come out"... maybe because of societal or family pressure.

"I want it all somehow."

Basically, Erica wants:

1) To keep being married to her husband that she loves.

2) To limit their sex life to blowjobs which she still really enjoys.

3) To explore her sexuality with a female lover.

The answer is actually pretty simple. Erica is attracted to women... but not just lesbians. She needs to start looking for hot bisexual women to bring to their bed, until they find someone they both really like who can be their permanent mistress.

That's the only way she gets everything she wants and keeps Jim happy too.

Don’t let the door hit you

re: you make a promise

uh, not for me. you want to stay married to a dyke, that's your business.

Margarita, you are something else! Well done.

Somewhere in the Literotica universe there is a femme writing a letter to her butch explaining about her hetero feelings.

And the balance in the universe is maintained.

She is not gay. That's not how it works.

Might be bi.

But the rest is bs. She is throwing her family away because she what's only one part of her birth desires.

Not have to have. Wants.

Um, this has happened to a few of my friends (dang, a few?? How do these people find me??) not sure if they played out like that, but I haven't been in her head weird thing is in real life most of the time the one going through the discovery of identity seem to be angry

Having a secret desire for moths that affects the loving you would have had with your spouse IS a form of cheating. She should have written that letter a long time ago. Before she started to rebuff and confuse her man. Before she threw herself at a woman without shame. All of those actions and inactions show disloyalty, disrespect, infidelity. Their only option isn't some weird co-habitation, or trial run like she's desperately hoping.

It's marriage counseling. A lot of it too. If that doesn't exorcise the demons within her, then they need to separate for the sake of the kids. They don't deserve a divided household. He doesn't deserve a disrespectful wife. And maybe the bisexual wife can benefit from her push towards ending the marriage. You don't have a long and fulfilling sex life with multiple kids for decades being closet gay. She's bi, at best.