All Comments on 'Cyndi's Secret Ch. 01'

If you're going to start a story like that that makes no sense (so far) to the reader, then it needed more content. Yes, I can see it's only part 1, but part 1 needed a whole lot more than this to keep a reader interested and looking foward to part 2.

But there is too much missing. What do the girls look like? What motivated the second girl to become a rapist? Has she a lesbian past, or does she take advantage of anyone anywhere? I know it is only part one, I get that. But even part of a story has to stand alone if it is published alone. It's good, but like I said, too much missing. Giving too bare of an outline does not stimulate the imagination, it only confuses. In fact, leaving out description never stimulates, it frustrates. Stimulating imagination means making it so real and picture like that the reader gets sucked into participation.

I don't think it needs any explaination of what the girls look like. Leave it up to the reader's imagination. There is nothing worse than having way to much descriptive detail so your thoughts are overcome and restrained.

It flowed, you had chemistry and the story itself is compelling.

Don't be afraid to do something very different.