by My Erotic Tail
here.
Consider this:
"forever
down
a country road."
or even leaving "a country road" off
But when I read it, the power and pacing of the images got a little chopped up with the short lines. What would happen if you let the lines break a little more naturally?
you really can write poetry. This really has some good stanzas at the beginning but near the end, it needs a little work. Still, this is good.
You wrote a GOOD poem with a BAD title. The title sounds sappy. Yes, I'm picking at your title and it's because you wrote a good poem, so give it a good title. :)
I live close to the Smokey Mountains.. have all my life.. I can see this as clear as a picture window..Beautiful, Artful.. Keep'm coming.. Loved this one.. I agree with the needs a new title..Artful poem like this, no Bambi here..Is still a great poem~~!!!!!
I've lived in a place where there were tons of deer and this really does happen a lot. I have to say that I almost didn't read this because of the title. So, I agree with who ever suggested that you might want to re name this.
Your words painted a beautiful picture for the words you so greatly use.
Thank you
A really good one with a powerful image of a fawn staying by the side of its dead mother; minor typos need fixing but mostly I agree with other comments about changing the title.
A beautiful poignant rendering that rushes along to a sad conclusion. Beautifully written.