by Tomray10
I appreciate your efforts. While I thought it was a bit rushed, I still enjoyed it. Give us more like it.
Overall good story line, but it feels rushed and you used wrong spellings of words...
outstanding relation ship i guess neither one was able to find a satisfactory relationship except the one they found together
there are whole words missing, not just typos whole words were left out. this needs a rewite by a GOOD WRITER THAT USES A GOOD EDITOR . THIS WAS WRITTEN BY AN UNTALENTED HACK AND NEEDS TO BE DELETED AT ONCE.
I couldn't even finish the first page... The sentence structure is horrible, there is punctuation misding everywhere and sentences just run together! Unreadable!
The story between brother and sister wasn't to bad, then you ruined it with the blindfold and bringing another man into the picture.
Good story until the end when you decided to fuck it up by bring in a third party to fuck the sister. If he really so called loved his sister like he declared she would be exclusively his and his only. 2 stars and that's being generous....
There are a number of spelling errors. The transitions from one situation to another, are incomplete, and the Author, who appears to be rather young and inexperienced, is
living in a dream world about his relationship with his sister! The story does not 'flow' in a smooth manner, and he / she is missing the real feelings which can be generated in a relationship of this nature. I was disappointed from the outset, but read it anyway!
A nice try, but No Cigar!
Good story, and a nice ending (hoping there is several more chapters coming), You seriously need some help with grammer, correct spelling, and a proof reader.
Hope to hear more from you in the future.
Minä ja Teija nussimme hotellissa Thaimaassa. Me olemme kuten aviopari, vaikka emme ole naimisissa.
Proof read, correct your mistakes, proof read again. After you have done that repeat. I can guarantee you'll still miss some. Don't use voice to text. If you are too lazy to type it don't bother with the story. Bad spelling and bad gramme make for poor reading. Use punctuation.
Did you tell this story to someone that was writing it down? It sounds that way. We don't write the way we talk. Grammar, punctuation,spelling are all necessary when you write, and edit what you have written to make sure it makes sense.
It was going so well until you started with the: Bringing another guys and tying her up just ruined the whole thing.
This moron has no clue about sentence structure or punctuation. It's just a collection of run on nonsense. It's unreadable.