by magmaman
This happens very often. Two ships that sail by each other,not meeting. This was very well written.
Two damaged people, waiting for things to happen, but both are weary, trying to protect themselves as they fantasize what could have been. I loved this insightful piece about expectations, about what could have been, hesitant to the point of poignancy, yet nobody could take that first step. Nice story, thank you, author, beautifully written.
Sad
Opportunity lost!
But maybe not- to the author : you just cannot leave this here. A final chapter perhaps?
This story, while very well written and full of suspense, isn't really a story. Rather, it's a sketch of two lonely souls. To go from sketch to story, though, it needs a dynamic, change in the characters' circumstances or some action to get them off dead center. Absent that, it's more like an introduction to a story.
That said, it's certainly a compelling introduction, and there is a ton of room here to take is somewhere. Will they hook up tomorrow night? Maybe share romance and watch it bloom or, like two ships passing in the night, realize at the end of their time that their respective job circumstances prevent anything more meaningful?
I'm a sucker for a happy ending, though, and I'd like to think that you take this a little further and at least leave us with some hope for these people.
Either way, well-written and insightful!