by Goldeniangel
The worst thing to happen to a poem is when a poet tries to be clever - especially about subject matters they are unfamiliar with. Your poem began well. It's a tired metaphor that's been done way too much, but at least it worked. But then you go and bring in falconry. Yikes! Are you unaware that hawks would not mate while on jesses? They are loosed and lock in mid-flight to mate. Further, if we are discussing hawks as you list in your poem, they'd most likely be on a mews or hunting jess. If in coitus, the hunting and stalking of prey is already over. Plus, hunting of prey, the hunt, seduction - all more tired metaphors!