by carrieoct15
The premise of the story is OK, but errors in grammar and punctuation are distracting and keep the story from flowing. Let the story sit for a day and re-read it. You'll find most of the errors.
Why don't u people stop & read the damn story OUT LOUD b4 u submit the thing 2 Lit? If it sounds 'funny' 2 u, then, maybe u might stop & correct some of the more OBVIOUS mistakes! I like porn as much as the next guy but some of this stuff is so bad, I might turn 2 the Old Testament & start reading about all the 'begats' (which is O.T. 4 fucking.).
a little short, but a lot of fun! good set-up for a few more chapters
short, but fun. Leaves a lot to look forward to and all the possible situations.
Thank you to the other readers who have pointed out the "shortcomings" with the grammar, etc of this story...
I like the premise, the 'idea'...but, I cannot support reading any more of this. I am done, barely got 3 stars...it is too bad the quality was so poor...