Maybe you could change the title of your story? I think it's really really great but any title with the "F" word in it usually doesn't get the respect it deserves, even tho it might be a great one (which this is, by the way!)
This is just some constructive criticism from someone who very much digs your work, BB! I love ya', man! (In a completely, hetero, non-sexual way, of course...)LOL ;-)
Anyway, tha's my two cents worth. DSo with it as you please.
USE LESS EXCLAMATION MARKS!
see i just use one, i bet i could make through the rest of this without one.
look, a period.
and another one, im on a roll.
Go kill yourself.
(look only one exclamation mark)
Hey, there, overly-critical critic... What's your problem?
I happen to LOVE exclamation marks! I use them in My daily life, quite often! (I am a rather loud person!)
As I've told other people: I write like I talk! If one were to speak with me, in a conversational-setting, one would get the impression that I am overly-excited!!! Kinda like Regis fuckin--Philbin!
No, shit, man, seriously! I am just an excitable guy who likes the exclamation point-way of Life!
If you don't like it, TOUGH TITTIES! Because I DO!!!
(I used all kinds of different punctuation in THIS comment, too, you'll want to notice.)
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