All Comments on 'The Talk'

by Goldeniangel

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  • 16 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
Good Advice

I feel the same way. I was very open about talking about sex with my mother. She is a very open and understanding person. Even though I was very nervous about my first time, I knew a lot more about sex than most teenagers. Because of the open relationship between my mother and myself I was always able to talk to her about anything. And I didn't lose my virginity until I was 21 years old. I'de had a few boyfriends before I meet him, so I don't feel like I missed anything. I'm still with him know and thinking about marriage. I know this is a little long but I had a lot to say. Thank You.

Bridget69Bridget69about 18 years ago
"The Talk" is very true.

It really is a very awkward situation for both the parents and the child. But I believe that honesty and communication would greatly help in making teenagers a lot more responsible in regards to sexual issues.

AnonymousAnonymousover 17 years ago
OK

This is a better than usual but still marginal approach.

Waiting until 14 is way too late. This is why you felt awkward.

Children should be introduced to the nuts and bolts of reproduction as soon as they can understand them staring with plants and animals. The human analogies should be in place by 8 or 9.

The discussion of the more complicated issues of emotions and recreational sex should be mostly open by the time the child is 10 or 12.

Aramis20Aramis20about 16 years ago
Great!

Although I think that 14 is too late, and that 'The Talk' should happen quite a lot earlier, I think you're pretty much right. My mother was always pretty open and still is. Although I'm not with the person I lost my virginity to, I never felt any rush or pressure, it just happened when it felt natural. 5*.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 15 years ago
Excellent Advice

Even though schools have sex education classes, there are many areas where parents should fill in the blanks for their children. Many parents are either too embarrassed or too lazy to give their children the advice they need to prevent unwanted pregnancies or STDs. So the children get information from other teenagers -- not a very good source. Then the parents get mad at their sons when they get their girl friend pregnant or their daughters get an STD. Excellent advice.

AnonymousAnonymousover 14 years ago
I wish someone would tell this to my parents....

I learned everything I know about sex from school, friends, the internet, and my boyfriend of 3 years. I am fortunate enough to live in an area with a comprehensive sex education program. My mom talked to me strictly about puberty, never about sex. At the age of 16, her idea of a sex talk was "I DONT WANT YOU HAVING SEX WITH HIM!!"

Also, 3 months before I turned 18, my dad sat me down to tell me that I'm too young to be in a long term relationship, and added that "I suppose if he were engaging in... relations with you, it wouldn't be illegal... but that's not happening, right?!?!"

So, yes, I lied.

And I think it positively sucks that I have to lie about where I am going and what I'm doing at the age of 18. For a very long time I was so ashamed of myself, and the stress of hiding everything made a huge impact on my mental health.

Today, I am much happier, with the help of supportive friends. I have also realized that my relationship with my boyfriend is much healthier than that of some older adults', even married adults. We have been completely monogamous for 3 years, began having sex last October and have never had unprotected sex. Our relationship, including the sexual aspects, has been a source of great joy. My only regret is having to hide so much from my parents, because they would kick me out, and I'm trying to get through college. It makes me sad that they have been so judgmental, they allow me to make my own choices but not to discuss anything they don't want to hear.

Oh geez, sorry about the rant. Anyway, this is great advice, this is how I will talk to my kids about sex.

AstraFiliaAstraFiliaabout 13 years ago
No freaking out.

I don't remember ever having the 'official' sex talk, but when I was with my first boyfriend at 17, I remember chatting to her, and my boyfriend's mom about wanting to have sex with him. My mom has this awesome poster, "NO FREAKING OUT" and understanding and calm discussion goes a long way.

One thing I do remember is my mother saying, "Sex changes things."

I now know that that is true, cause it does.

The day after I lost my virginity I told my mother. As far as I recall she gave me a hug and said "Thanks for telling me." A couple weeks later she also took me to the pharmacy to get Emergency Contraception when a condom broke on me, and then I went onto the pill.

When I got together with my current boyfriend she mentioned something like, "yeah, I assumed you two would...[be having sex]"

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 13 years ago
You can wish in one hand...

I wish my boyfriend's parents and my own had taken this approach, oh, I wish, I wish... to put it in perspective:

My boyfriend and I hit it off on date #1, and although many people would instantly disapprove of us for it, we both saw nothing wrong with "going for it" on the second date (protection in place, of course) because we were both adults and knew what we were doing. We had plans to tell his parents and mine what was going on, but we never got time to do so...

Six months later, his parents found out and all H broke loose after they found the receipt for a box of condoms on the kitchen counter. They pulled him aside, without me there, to tell him they were disappointed in him. Then they asked him the most insulting questions (to me) to ask their ADULT son of twenty-two, one of which was "You do know there are consequences, right?". There were new, stricter rules put in place and for two months, our relationship just kept getting worse until I was sure it was pretty much over, even though we were both working ourselves overtime to save it. During the whole ordeal, my fight with depression took a nasty turn and I was almost unable to cope. It took a four hour long heart-to-heart to save the what was left of our relationship and begin to make progress with my depression again, all because of how badly they handled that five minute talk. Not only that, but later on when I told my own father, he got angry at me and made it difficult for me to express my confidence in my choices, going so far as to make me feel like I was a disappointment to him.

After these incidents, my boyfriend and I both decided that, for the sake of our relationship and my battle with depression, nothing more was going to be said to either party involving our intimate lives.

They almost ruined a perfectly healthy relationship over the fact that their 22 year old son was having sex. Sorry to rant, but this story highlights the importance of how parents should NOT handle these kinds of things. Because of their reaction, the trust we were building to tell them is now gone, and so is our trust in them to TRUST in us and our judgment. Because of how harshly they reacted, we now feel that sneaking around is better than trying to face off with them every time we get frisky. Please, parents out there reading this, don't be like his parents. Just listen to this author, and the wisdom in their words. Believe me, your kids will thank you when they're older and have boyfriends and husbands.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago
Bravo, amico.

I, officially, never had the "sex talk", but my mom always talked about it so relaxed. She was upset but accepting of the fact I had sex. From what I've observed, this is quite an accurate summary of the results of the sex talk. The more relaxed, accepting, and loving you are as a parent (and wording in these situations are crucial as kids are VERY impressionable) the more likely your kids will be to have confidence in themselves, morals they believe in, and a happier take on life. This guide here can be applied to more than the sex talk. Tobacco, drugs, alcohol, etc are all serious topics that need to be addressed in this manner. Again, I approve of this guide 100% and recommend it to everyone.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
Please, From a 'kids' standpoint..

Parents, don't ever be a 'friend' to your child. It's annoying, stupid, and uncomfortable. Show them everything about sex: STD's, Emotional Tole, how frequently they are to get tested, ect. Do you know how much I want to kick someone when they brag about having sex and NEVER KNOWING ANYTHING ABOUT IT?!

Peope, teach your freaking kids and stop being 'friends'. Why? Because my old friend, Jacy, used to be the best kind of kid until her mom tried to 'be her cool mom'. Know where she is now? Smoking, sexing, and she dropped out of highschool.

Yay, 'cool' parents. :l

Jeez... Let me stop before I get into too long a spiel. I'm in highschool (I know, I know, I'm a huge pervert for going on here--if I'm going to stay a virgin, what do you expect? This or over-bitchy-ness, folks.)and I have to be around these demon spawns EVERY DAY. Just teach your kids, and keep an eye on them (not stalk, but show that you actually CARE for them and that they matter. If they don't get it from you, they'll go to some idiot boy/girl that'll use them). If you want them to wait, tell them; if you want them to 'follow their heart/be a huge ho', tell them that too. This author is super lucky, she's still with her first; most girls are lucky enough if they stay with their first for three minutes after the sex. Let them know how to pick out a good girlfriend/boyfriend, guys. That's how they stray from getting their heart broken.

Listen or not, it's totally up to you, but no matter if you read this or not, make sure you do everything above. Miss (Miss, right? ; A;) Goldeniangel has everything the way it should be.

From a kid, ma'am, I say thank you for putting this out there. C:

Now let me go do my maths before it gets too late. Lol.

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
Very good, but other points...

Please warn your children of the dangers of pronography. It is terribly addictive, and I know way too many 40-something men who never got married because they never met the ideal porn star wife. It does horrible damage to young girls, because they know they can never live up to the unrealistic ideals which pronography presents as 'normal' to young guys.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 10 years ago
18 almost 19 SATURDAY

I loved it I believe everything you're saying I just wish you could learn more in sex Ed or health class. Thank goodness we have the internet I'm waiting for marriage and am trying to learn as much as possible

SWIM21SWIM21almost 10 years ago
Excellent

As a male, this alleviated a lot of my own fears about having a daughter when I eventually have kids. Also, I definitely agree with the other commentor who wrote about the dangers of pornography. Ironically, though, I have the opposite problem with porn from most guys - rather than turn me, it makes me feel self-conscious about what I might be lacking and actually turns me off in most cases. Porn is also much too violent for tastes, and because I know that most guys want to emulate what they see in porn, this makes me even more nervous about having a daughter who would have to put up with that shit from boys her age.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 9 years ago
Prepate your children about how to satusfy your childs mate to enjoy sex

When I was entering pruberty my mother handed me a booklet about sex and told me to read it. We did nor discuse the book I did manage to hold sex off until maraige. My wife was also a vgirgin when we married. We had intercouse on our hineyhoon. But because of being virgins I feel we missde alot of pleasures. I wish we both had experimented more before we were married.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 9 years ago
interesting how to

My mother was too mortified to have the talk with me so she had her best friend (who was also a pornstar) have the talk with me instead. It was much more eye opening and also cautionary. - sec

Driftwood1Driftwood1over 3 years ago

My mother never could talk to me. I ended up in a bunch of awkward and compromising situations but feel strongly about girls and women claiming their bodies and having agency in experiences.

I started very young making it clear to my daughter that she did not have to give anyone hugs or kisses just because THEY wanted her to. To this day she sometimes asks me not to hug or kiss her goodnight but other times wants to snuggle for as long as possible.

I’m teaching her good communication about her boundaries. It’s always helpful and clear communication and confidence allow better experiences.

She’s eight and I’ve always answered her questions in a direct, age-appropriate, anatomically correct manner. The quickest way for her to lose interest is if I tell her “it’s a sex thing.” She’s clear that it’s not interesting to her until later in life and it’s not a mystery, so it’s utterly mundane.

I’m not sure if it’ll be perfect, but my goal is that she’s open with me the entire way and feels empowered. Fingers crossed!

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