by TravelQueen
It wasn't bad but there were some inconsistencies in it...at the beginning you said "husband" and later on he was her "boyfriend of four years".
with her husbands best(?) friend - the worst case the better lust? Is it more erotic the more close to home and friends that she humiliates her husband and disrespects hubby and thier marriage? Is she a bigger whore that way? Is it erotic at all? Or is it just about as low and sick as she can go? It could turn out if he finds out and they or he deals with it.
Hang on as the wheel of cuckolding turns - not erotic just sick and sorid depravity on her part so far - your basic suck and fuck tail. Think you can do better author if thats all you intended?
First of all, it's a great story line; I like the thoughts and the doubts described, because they're so real. However, I agree with the other commenter about inconsistencies. Who's telling the story? In places it's first person, in others it isn't.
Secondly, and really about the commenter criticising the "sordid" behavior: this is an erotic (read "sex") story site. While you may not agree with the morality of the story, it is realistic. It does not make this author or the character a "bad" person. If you are offended by this story, you must be horrified by those in other categories!
TravelQueen - keep on refining your writing!
i thought it was great!! cyber sex has more than its fair share of inconsistencies and i thought this story provoked the lurking secrets behind all of our screens.
well done and it was great!!
"He hiked up her skirt again and realized she wasn’t wearing any panties. He sucked gently on her lips. He then flipped her underneath him and yanked down her pants."
Skirt, Pants and no panties at the same time? Next time try typing with BOTH hands. It keeps the brain clearer.
Everyone has already pointed out the mistakes in the story. My advice is to use an editor and don't be excited when you write. Keep writing.