by SykoSara
Your use of descriptive words and dialogue were absolutely brilliant, helping to create a vivid and sexually realistic story. For one of your first ever submissions, this is amazing! I can't wait to read more of your writing.
it's hard to write a relatively short story like this, where every word counts. You do this extremely well. Bravo!!
I was first attracted by your poetry. Now I'm finding your stories equally addictive. I urge you to continue writing.
This is a well written story. It's just in the wrong category. There is no element of Sci-Fi or Fantasy in it. Nor does it need such an element. So, if you can, shift it to a different area of this site.
The fact that it's the sexual fantasy of every pizza faced delivery boy doesn't count.
It's difficult to do very short erotic fiction well. This was a good, quick scene.
Short, but niice. Keep up the good work, Sorry, but until u get a sequel, this is going to get 1 star ):