I see we didn't have to break the ol' thesarus out on this one. Next time, try to use a wider vocab.
...had some erotic merit, your writing mechanics really need some work.
Some of your sentences switched tenses from past to present. There are some guides available on the site to help novice writers, my advice to you is to read some of them.
Read other author's work, and then look at yours. Try to understand where you are strong, and where you are weak. Do more work on your proofreading, and editing.
Most importantly, keep writing, I have found that the more I write the better I get...(well I hope I am getting better).
Well, Yes: The mechanics of Ur writing DO have some issues. Could U NOT come up with NE other terms 4 Breasts than 'Tits' & 'Knockers'? How about 'Flesh-
Balloons' 4 example? 'Sweater-Puppies' is ALSO a good term. I mean really, there R so MANY terms 4 em, that it was sirt of sad 2 see U using those 2 over-used terms 4 em, M8! OTHERWISE the story made me cum enormously! I've been a breast enthusiast since watching Velma on Scooby-Doo as a kid. Sorry 2 ber8 Ur style, but seriously: Learn some new words 4 boobs, OK! :-)
That 'AweSome' comment made me laugh.
Anyway, your usage of grammar does need a lot of work, although it doesn't really distract the reader from the actual story. Also, the process in which the sexual act takes place is written too similarly with some of your other big-tit stories.
Speaking of which, you really have a thing for oversized breasts, don't you?
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission!
orBack to Virgin Melons
orMore submissions by evil_in_the_flesh.
Edit comment orSubmit Comment
Comment posted successfully - click here to view it or write another.
Title of your comment:
Your public comment about Virgin Melons:
Please type in the security codeYou may also listen to a recording of the characters.
Title your feedback:
Your feedback to evil_in_the_flesh:
If you would like a response, enter your email address in this box:
Feedback sent successfully - click here to write another.
Login or Sign Up
All contents © Copyright 1998-2012. Literotica is a trademark. No part may be reproduced in any form without explicit written permission.
Terms Of Services|Report A Problem|Privacy
Password:Forgot your password?
Your current user avatar, all sizes:
You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.
Select new user avatar:
Upload and save
User avatar uploaded successfuly and waiting for moderation.