Good job sir! How can I complain about a less than happy ending? Very good story
Or weirdly odd. Who cares? It was a wild idea; something I would expect from you. :D Good luck!
I guess this is one of those lessons.... look before you leap..... you don't appreciate what you have until its gone... and beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Ahhh the irony! This was great, and the bingo and mail order baseball cards were just simple touches of brilliance. I shivered appropriately at the ending! *goosebumps* Great job, good luck!
But oh so good!! :)
Good luck Sack.
That was whacked. The irony of it all. A perfect story with a great story line.
you can't go home again!
Sometimes the reality we have is better than the fantasy in our heads.
The real loser in this is Denise.
Nice job sack!
Sack! You're killing me......another great story ~ :)
Loved everything but the ending, but that's my opinion. Very well done!
Weird and wonderful...
just like you ; ) Best of luck!!
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Hated it/loved it. The ending was horrifyingly chilly.
That was eerie.
Well written tale of getting what we want, regardless of consequences. Different.
You've written something very different and very good. There are a lot of moral lessons in it as witnessed by the various comments. I'll drop you a note. Thank You. Ronnie W.
long to do Sack, but I know you understand. You have a flare for horror, that was creepy and dark. The ending was perfect, there should not be a happily ever after in a story like this. You did yourself proud. Great job.
Just goes to show you beauty can be found anywhere if you just know where to look.
great story Sack,
Oh the price we pay for lies and vanity ~~
Good story and surprise ending. I figured the twist would have something to do with her parents. My only problem was the doctor's incentive to knock him off and why do so to "Blair" while putting "Jack" on the death cert.
Great story, Sack. It was refreshing to see Denise fall for Jack just the way he was. I'm a bit confused, though. Why did the doctor kill Blair instead of just changing him back?
You do have a touch for the dark side--that deep place inside all of us where sex and need meld with fear and wonder.
The sad thing is I know people who would probably do something like this, if they had the money and it could be done!
You have to love morals and sex rolled together.
As one of your other comments says, all it lacks is the Rod Serling voiceover. Nice work!
and good with the surprise ending. Like some others, though, I can't help wondering why it was necessary to kill him at the end and why the priest would have been in on it.
Great story :) I too was a bit confused by why the doctor decided to kill him off, but it worked. I loved the irony and the twist. Good job, sack :)
Looking forward to seeing u'r name on the winners list :)
You are so prolific. I write one story and you write five. And, they are good like this one. Way to go. Again!
Alicia Night Orchid
A good script for a literotica Twilight Zone episode. Fun reading.
I don't know why it took me so long to find this one, Sack. I loved it, tho...it felt like I was reading the script for an episode of Outer Limits. Good luck in the contest, and keep writing these!
I really liked your story. Short, sweet, and tragic. Perfect. Well-written, too, a rarity for this kind of story.
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