by Satin and Lace
a reach out and grab you story, great imagery and an excellent mental journey, thank you S~ for a great tale!
Your grammer made some parts of the story hard to understand, and it looked like you had more than a few run on setences and sentence fragments. These made it hard to follow the plot of the story and interrupted the flow of the plot. The only redeaming aspect of the story it that it is only the begining and you have time to fix your mistakes and weave the plot into the masterpiece I am sure it can be.