It's not bad to have the mom/daughter be a little nervous; this was all too easy, which killed the taboo aspect of it for the reader. Create suspense, then release--good storytelling in any literary genre.
Early conversation is not clear as to who is speaking
To quick to get action started, for me at least, some guys like it that way.
But at least there was no ass play--You might even be a female--(Most female by-lines are really guys. Ass play is a big clue)
Some nice erotica, but story developed way too fast for me, so I did not read very closely.
A grammar/spelling checker would help, though on quick scan I did not spot very many errors beyond several incidences of
that should be
"I'll" (contraction for "I will")
The story is poor and far from convincing. The story seems to be a result of being an untalented writer.
Not bad, keep at it and let the story develop a bit more in the next chapter.
Keep going on your efforts! The more you keep at it the better you get. like the others, take your time developing the story, the action part is good and you can add more. Use a proof reader to help you fill in the pieces that are in your head, but didn't make tothe page.
I agree that the ease and speed destroyed the taboo. In order to be erotic, there has to be some kind of seduction by one, or both, parties. There has to be some kind of nervousness and trepidation. In order to be a story there has to be some kind of suspense--are they REALLY going to do this. However, I do thank you 100% for NOT resorting to anal. Please keep writing, and work on buildup and foreplay. from slitlicker69
Writing means making something unbelievable believable. This trash was nowhere near that.
First off, submitting your first erotic story on this site takes guts -- there are far more readers than there are writers... and you've taken the first step. As far as improving your writing... this is what I would recommend. When you're writing you're trying to paint a picture for people -- the more descriptive you are, the more vivid the scene is for the reader. Details can enhance a story -- but at the same time they can detract from it. Make sure that when you're describing something in detail that it adds to the story... if it's not necessary, and it's not erotic -- leave it out. Like sex ... don't rush to get your story finished. Start off teasing your audience... foreplay... try to get us hot before you just get to the hardcore stuff. As far as describing the actual sex acts themselves... Don't just say "he fucked her hard" or "she sucked her clit"... try to fill things out and make it sexy.
This story reads more like an outline of what could have been an excellent idea. You need to work on it more and flesh it out. Good luck
You wrote the hottest fantasy. It was to quick to the climax; needed a little more build up. Hope you continue the story line.
THIS STORY IS DUMB, NASTY FOOL
I shot the biggest load onfg
mom wont lick my pussy but she loves to fuck me with her 10in rubber cock i can take it aoo and love it
i wish my mom would lick my pussy.
my mom also licked my pussy it was around midnight and i asked my mother the same question and me and my mother started going at it and it felt alsome and now we do it maybe every saturday and midnight and if im good she would do it on wensdays too YAY for moms
I was amazed at how well you write, considering that there wasn't too much detail . Most readers of erotica need to know exactly how the tongue and lips move over a cock or pussy, at what rate, and for what length of time. But if this really was your first story, it was amazing. You are only going to improve.
My mom is single so we stay at home all the time and lick each others pussy till we cum!!!!!It's awesome !!!!!!!!!!
I am 23 and my mom is 54. The first time i broke up with my BF when I was 17 she consoled me and told me that it is better between two women. She explained what she meant by giving me a naked body massage followed by a very very hot pussy massage. That was really fantastic..
My mom would never suck or lick my pussy. My best friends mother did many many times. I went to see my gf and she wasn't home. Her mother let me in as I spent every day at their house. She answered the door in a sexy lace bra and thong. Within minutes she started kissing me and rubbing my nipples. I was hot and wet immediately. She then undressed me and spread my legs and started fingering my pussy and sucking and licking my pussy. My best friend walked in and much to my surprise, instead of being upset, she joined in and I found out that her and her mother licked and sucked each other on a regular basis. We now do this on a regular basis.
I haven't done it with my mom but I htave licked and fucked my sisters daughter. My neice. And she even asked me to lick and fuck her asshole. Every time I got to the point of Cumming, didn't matter if my dick was in her asshole or pussy she would always want me to cum in her mouth so she could swallow. Me and her has fucked numerous times. I love fucking and eating that shaved pussy and licking that sweet asshole
When I sleep at my boyfriends house his mom comes into the room late at night and always puts her her hand on the covers and slowly massages my legs and inner thighs , she says can I see your little cute pussy ? And I say okay when my boyfriend is still sleeping she looks at it and licks her lips as I cum just lookin at her amazement as she spreads my pussy lips apart . She fingures me hard and soft it feels so good . She kisses me and licks me and I feel her tounge inside me where her sons dick had just been a few hours ago .
Once she took one of her relatives up in the room tO see my pussy and she was enjoying just observing my pussy and trying to get me wet . They would say I have never seen such a cute pussy and slowly lick my clit and my vagina and I would moan in pleasure she had my cum in her hands and mouth . She loved it . I loved it sooo much . The best morning she would kiss her husband right on front of me so I would see that my juices were in his lout goo my boyfriend never saw anything jUst he would wake up to fuck me and eat me too , ugggh how flood it felt !!!!
My Mom has being licking my pussy for years now. One night Mom was slightly drunk after a work party. After no sex for more than a year Mom was horny as hell and when she slipped into bed with me that night I felt her hand run down my thigh. I moaned and Mom saw that as a good sign, she then rolled between my legs and started to slowly lick my pussy. What a sensation, Mom lapped away even more and quickly made me cum. We shared a kiss and talked about what had just happened. I was fine with it and to show Mom how much I loved her I laid between her legs and tasted my first pussy. Mom was shaved and the minute my tongue touched her pussy Mom was as wet as ever. Since that first night Mom and I have had all types of loving sex, licking each other, sucking tits and shoving dildos up each other. One day Mom came home from work with her boss, Mrs Stranzy, and they were both tipsy. Within an hour the three of us were in bed and I gained a lifetime appreciation of huge tits. Mrs Stranzy was a 44DD and Mom and I loved sharing her tits. Since then Mom has brought home many woman, both single and married, it never ceases to amaze how many woman love little girls and their pussies. Many of the married woman have wanted to share their little girls with us and we have enjoyed these times immensely.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission!
orBack to Lick My Pussy, Mom
orMore submissions by sexygirl21.
Edit comment orSubmit Comment
Comment posted successfully - click here to view it or write another.
Title of your comment:
Your public comment about Lick My Pussy, Mom:
Please type in the security codeYou may also listen to a recording of the characters.
Title your feedback:
Your feedback to sexygirl21:
If you would like a response, enter your email address in this box:
Feedback sent successfully - click here to write another.
Login or Sign Up
All contents © Copyright 1998-2012. Literotica is a trademark. No part may be reproduced in any form without explicit written permission.
Terms Of Services|Report A Problem|Privacy
Password:Forgot your password?
Your current user avatar, all sizes:
You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.
Select new user avatar:
Upload and save
User avatar uploaded successfuly and waiting for moderation.