by fun42couple
not imaginative enough and no too spicy should be more daring and expressive
A VERY NICE AND DIFFERENT TALE HOWEVER....FOR SOMEONE WHO HAD NEVER SEEN A MANS PENIS HER FIRST FUCK SEEMED TO BE WITHOUT PAIN OF ANY KIND ...A PUZZLEMENT !!!
It had a erotic story line to it, bro and sis were a good start but needed more description of the two. Just a bit more detail with a slower beginning, possibly turn this into a love story, with preg sis. I could imagine it mmmmmmm. Try another!
It was a good story, but i agree more descriptive, no pain?? what did they both look like? and not either of them went down on eachother??
Nah, that's too brutal, but I agree that more detail would bring realism and tension, adding eroticism to a nice story.
Some dialog would also add realism.
Good luck!
We don't know how old they are but she (and presumably he) had had Sex Ed classes, so knew all about her anatomy. Yet she had to instruct him! She had never felt or seen a penis before yet had no trouble in losing her virginity or difficulty because of the size of her previously unpenetrated vagina.
This is unreal!
I have to agree with the others your on the right track it can be a very hot story because it reminds me when me and mt sis played the nasty games when we were younger dldn't go all the way but we did everything else Plezzz continue
with the story Thanks
PS. If you continue with your story if u want I will mail u about some of my personal exp. never told anyone.
good story, more details next time, deffinetly right a continuation to this story
This was a good story! I would enjoy hearing a follow-up of this..What happened when you got to the cousins..Don't pay attention to those who criticize. They probably can't write, nor experience anything like this. They are jealous!
I found this story INCREDIBLY HOT.---
---Everyone keeps complaining about how the girl did not experience any pain. I am willing to bet there is a reason behind this. The writer himself may not 'get off' on people being in pain. I for one am not a fan of pain in erotic literature, i am here to read a story about people getting pleasure. If you aren't here for that, then this is the wrong site for you.
Also it is not completely unrealistic for a girl to not experience much pain their first time. A lot of girls who masturbate regularly break their hymen on her own.(she was obviously skilled enough in masturbation to tell her brother what to do) And given their is enough lubrication, if the hymen is already broken, pain should not be an issue (And given how horny she was i am guessing she was pretty wet)
SO there you have it.. a completely realistic scenario of why, and HOW, the sister did not experience any pain...
as for the rest of the story... it was good. The Writting itself could be slightly better, but i never judge on that when reading erotic literature. I only judge by how far i get into a story before i have to relieve myself. How to write well can be learned through reading and pracice. How to make a story HOT is very difficult to learn, and is usually a hit or a miss with writers.
My advice to you as a writer: KEEP READING (non-erotic literature will help you develop better writing skills), and more importantly, KEEP WRITTING!!!
yes something similar had happened to me. my cousin and i were in the room alone and it was about 10. he had just got home and layed next to me, since i was laying in his bed and we shared it. i always sleep in a tshirt or jersey only, and still do to this day.he was wearing only boxers, which he always did. i gave him a little kiss on the cheek and he turned and kissed me back. then he asked if i had ever had sex. i told him no, and he asked if i wanted to. since he was my cousin, i trusted him. great decision =] he got in between my legs and pulled his dick out of his boxers. then he rubbed the head of his swollen dick on my pussy and i nearly came there. he knelt down and kissed me, while fingering me slowly so my pussy could get used to this. it kinda was already, since my boyfriend at the time loved experimenting. he whispered to me to grab his dick, and i obeyed. pre-cum was leaking over my pussy, dripping on my clit and it felt so good. then, he positioned his cock at the entrance of my pussy, and slowly and smoothly slid it into me. i felt how hard he was and it only made me more excited. i had to adjust to his size, he was so big. but it felt amazing, i was in ecstacy. his smell was intoxicating, and he thrusted into me faster and faster. then, he pushed his dick into my cumming pussy as far as it could go, cumming into me. so yeah, that was my great experience. your story is amazing, and it did my body good :)
what was this? theres no story line, tons of grammatical errors, inferiorly written, little details.....ADD DETAILS!!! ADD A FREAKIN STORY!!!
This was not thought out well at all. There is no real story. It is rushed and not at all interesting. There are several grammar mistakes. It has promise but you need many more details and a good story line.
Obviously Americans. Men with complete penises don't need lube when being stroked. The foreskin does have a purpose, you know. One of them is to provide 80% of the nerve endings stimulated during sex. American parents need to stop mutilating male babies.
Brother & sister have sex with no apparent concern about birth control.
Not a good idea.
Assumptions dude. Part of the joy of a fantasy story is not having to worry or bother with real world details like that. Who wants to read a story about the shit you have to deal with every day? I hate reading stories where the guy or girl stops to get a condom and put it on! Ugh! I'd rather either not think about it at all or assume she is on the pill, or iud or something
You have to feel sorry for Americans, who are typically circumcised. Complete men don't need lube - the outer skin of the penis works as it is supposed to and provides a freely sliding sheath. And even more, women report 80% more and better orgasms from complete men.
Oh, yah! You have to finish this. Cousins?! Male and female?? Of course! There might even be a horny mom that catches the four of them, wants to join in, so the boys DP her and they girls introduce her to extreme Lesbianism. Lots of potential. Keep writing.
XYZ
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After I commented I read the comments, and have to comment. There is nothing wrong with a circumcised cock. Mine has been in a number of mouths with no complaints. Those same mouths got it in their pussies too, again, no complaints. I defend us circumcised guys. Remember we had nothing to say about the clipping, so if you think your better than us guys, put up or shut up.
The discussion of circumsized vs uncircumcized it absolutely rediculous and honestly gives the impression of penis insecurity and in other cases even anti semetic. I as a female strongly prefer circumsized and my boyfriend got his clipped when he was 13 because of hygiene issues and says there wasnt much difference in feeling. Just worry about whats in your own pants ffs.