Yeah, no way he could live with that!
My only suggestion is to better develop the wife character in the future. We knew something was up with Judy but no reason why she felt justified to cheat on Kevin. Perhaps the wife POV during the story can add flesh to her character.
Good solid story! Thanks!
Keep up the good work. I agree with the comment about developing the wife a little more, but in general really enjoyed the story.
well written and kept me on my toes, right to the unexpected ending!
Nice work Author - especially in a second language. I appreciate your talent and the respect you showed the husband, plus the justice to the long term cheating spouse.
Thanks Author - more please at interval hopefully in this theme of life's normal reality. With High Regard
Thank you for working through the obvious language barrier and writing this story.
I enjoyed your story very much. I always like any variation to the cheating wife story. Yours is the first one I have read with a fortune teller and a superstitious husband.
treated this way. Once again, a wife that believes she can fuck around and no one will be hurt. It's great to read a story with a strong husband figure instead of some of the tripe that passes for a story on this site. This is a plausible fantasy story. The husband didn't get a hard-on seeing his wife betraying him. He didn't allow her to continue her affairs and getting sloppy seconds from her again. In short, he acted as a true man would act.
Veery good ending BUT John should have been beaten senseless. His involvement is just as bad as hers; he knew she was married. Hands off. But he screwed her anyway. So, Off with his heasd!!
Question-just what time of day/week was she fucking these guys that he didn't miss her?
Shows what happens when you take your spouse for granted.
But, truth is this story could have been a whole lot better. There are so many things that could have been developed further to enhance the overall impact of this story. I applaud this work and encourage you to flesh out future stories to draw the reader deeper into your thought processes.
Thank you for your effort.
This is a good story that could be better with a little work on the characters. A better picture of Judy's pain after the break up would be great.
Nicely written ,very clever story.The fortune teller angle added an innovative touch to an already interesting story.The only minor criticism I would offer is that conclusion felt a little flat. Maybe as one of your other readers suggested, its due to lack of any development of wife's character or explanation of why she felt affairs necessary in her marriage. Still well done story though. the Ct. Yankee
I would have liked to seen it fleshed out somemore but other than that WELL DONE. Looking forward to more of your work.
Thank you for the very good stoty
This story was intersting but very unoriginal. The husband coming home unexpectedly and catching his wife in bed with another man has been done to death. On top of that you added the contrivance of having the husband hear his wife explaining to her lover how she tricks her husband so that she can have her affairs. This way of revealing everything to the husband has been done by too many other writers and is not beleavable.
You have some writing talent, use it to write something original. Come up with your own ideas instead of reusing other writers ideas that have already been used so often they are trite.
Think crisp plot line; brisk pace and restrained emotional expression (a good thing) and you start understanding why this story is such a good read.
Style wise, and thematically (shift of fates) it reminds me of the classic short story: “The Necklace” by G. de Maupassant. Only here it’s a mirror image to Maupassant’s story. There the couple lives life of misery for one evening of glamour; here the wife looses in a moment a life of happiness.
It’s original in that it adds an element which is not found in other stories, i.e. the superstition motive and all the play around this concept. Upon reflection, you can expend of course the scope of the mistaken beliefs to both of the spouses: the husband’s mistaken belief is about the state of his marriage, and his wife’s is the illusion that she could safely lead double life and forever mislead her husband
IMO the length of the story was just right. Any more, would have weighed the story down.
I actually finished the story, and considering my critical nature I'm taking that as a factor when I rate.. but the story isn't good.. it's like some lame, ignorant, journal.. of your life.. you're good at comment writing but terrible when it comes to stories and character building.. even if you wanted people to dislike your characters you don't need to make them all simple and mildly headphone. Nor is it erotic.. and considering it's not quite good enough, or witty, or smart for another type of website.. I simply suggest you try again, maybe?
I thought it was an interesting setup and a cool story idea. The dialogue was a little weird, it didn't feel like something someone would actually say (especially at the end when he caught her). I really liked the fortune teller thing, his wife using his superstition against him is pretty nasty. I think it was 3/4 of a cool story, it just needed a little more work. Just my two cents.
"It is the 14th of February, I told her. "Downstairs you will find 10 red roses, my Valentine gift to you," and quietly I left the room and Judy.
Why does an author always has to ruin such a nice conclusion to such a tragic (and irredeemable, irretrievable) story as this?
It is impossible to believe, really, that such a decent and loving --- and yeah, romantic --- guy is going to have a hard time finding a woman who does not bring home her lover to fuck on HIS marriage bed during St. Valentine's day! lol!
"I'm gonna be the Jykle for now,,, but only for you" WTF! She's so used to the rough sex, you'd either keep taking her higher and higher in such activities, or sooner or later she'd have to admit to herself, despite her "love" for you and yours for her --- your tame sexual techniques ain't gonna be enough for her!
She's very honest; she just doesn't, she can't, tell you everything RIGHT NOW. Her emotional and manipulative appeals did seem to work, didn't they?:
"I shall love you forever; and I shall not date until you marry, whether you come back to me, or forgive me, or not."
And, oh, those endless cascading tears,,, are they due to her missing you or her missing those rough sex, which she had been denying herself for some months now, since you came home so unexpectedly during Valentine Day,,, Gosh, some men/character/author can and DO act like they have mud for brains! lol
Good writing; perfect punishment. He must be one quick thinking dude.
comes home unexpectedly, who says it is played to death. It is the reaction to the determination of cheating that is interesting. His style of throwing out a lying cheating disrespectful slut was good, better that what actually happens in most cases. It would be a dumb SOB that runs into the room cursing and throwing punches. It is much better to make it a very conclusive ending with no way of reconciliation. Why would anyone who is not mentally ill take a cheater back. You really want to live thw same horror story again with one whose mental facilities you have already found out are flawed. Such a shame the laws in many states say a husband should provide for a wife who is unemployed when they divorce. Would be ok if it were the husbands fault but most divorces in the US probably arent caused by husbands. We keep hearing more men in the US cheat than women, does that mean one woman is getting an awful lot of sex, or that some guys are chating with each other. Normally it takes two one man, one woman, I see that as a fifty fifty operation not even counting the women who are "bi" or "les". Cut your loses keep the kids and get on with life.
I loved this story the woman lied thru her teeth and even conned the man with the fortune teller i predict she will rott in hell .
Good hook, good prose for an author for whom English is a second language, and believable characters. I liked the superstitition motif and it made for an interesting storyline. The complaint I have with the storytelling comes in the resolution of the conflict. When Kevin says, "If John here wants to keep this between us, he will testify to a judge all what you told him about your affairs from before we married and until today. I don't know about the legal systems in other countries but in the good ol' USA, this is called heresay and witnesses may not testify to events or actions that they themselves did not witness. This plot snafu hurts the storytelling, and I can't give the story a top mark because of it.
Still, an enjoyable read and I thank you for your effort.
I just discovered this story. I agree with many of the comments already posted. One little flaw . . . In the story "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" by R.L. Stevenson, Dr. Jekyll was the well-behaved, law-abiding person and Mr. Hyde was the wild one, the alter ego who committed mayhem and did not follow the rules. Our hero (Kevin) is mistaken when he compares his wife's relationship with her lovers to that of Dr. Jekyll while her behavior towards him is like Mr. Hyde; it is exactly reversed. Judy is a mild-mannered, conventional-sex, missionary position Dr. Jekyll with her husband and a wanton harlot (Mr. Hyde) with her lovers. If you are uncertain, check a synopsis via Google (or better yet, read the book; it's definitely a Classic). At least this was not a wimp's tale! I did enjoy the story and would urge the author to keep writing.
Except for the Jekyll-Hyde Inversion the story went smoothly.
I agree that the basic structure is a repetition but there is a certain style and some fine details.
round heeled cunt. Shame he didnt record their conversation and play it to a judge in a child custody case.
WHY ARE WOMEN SUCH FUCKING SLUTS ,HOPEFULLY WHEN HE TELLS THE KIDS WAT SHES DONE THEY WILL DISOWN HER I WOULD
And painfully too bad for words -
She could have had all she wanted WITH him but chose to deceive -
selfish people never get it - the most joy comes from the smile on the other person's face -
Sad story. The wife however got away too easily. She deserved more punishment.
Lowest kind of wife that exists. The cheating slut skank cunt whore wife fucks her lovers like a nymph and gives her husband nothing. Fucking cunt. She should die in extreme pain.
Great, fun storyline. A tiny bit wooden in parts - especially the dialogue.
but a bit bland. You managed to get the Jekyll & Hyde caharacters the wrong way round, though - and the dialogue was rather stiff and stilted.
hansbwl you are right on the money with your stories! Finally a writer who gets it right!
This great little story cried out to be longer over too quick.
At least he did not take the whore back,
There is a sick nightmarish quality to this type of story. Are there really men that couldn't figure this out? I mean, she is not normal, she is a pathological liar, probably a psychopath. If you live with her for years surely this has to show in many other ways.
The story was a little short, and the dialogue was a bit stiff. Try to work on expressing the feelings of the characters more. The audience wants to be able to feel his pain.
But in most countries, cheating slut or not, the courts award the children, child support and alimony to the mother unless she's an alcoholic, drug user or proven to be an abusive person. And even in those cases the mother gets the kids sometimes. So you're ending was totally unrealistic. A nice fantasy but nothing to do with reality. Thanks for the tale.
her words were her black cat under the ladder, TK U MLJ LV NV
if you were trying to convince forest gump maybe.
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