All Comments on 'Girlfriends Fantasy'

A good story; short but hot. If this is based in fact, then you're a lucky guy!

There are problems, but most of those problems should have been corrected with a final rewrite. Clearly the author is an intelligent kid, been to college and so on, and if not, he's doing a good con. But use of 'are' for 'our', stuff like that, should have been corrected.

Next, there are stretches in this story where he starts every sentence, sometimes 5, 6 in a row, with "She". And when you think he's past that, he's back with another paragraph where each sentence starts with "She". Makes me wanna holler, throw up both my hands...

Advice? Read more. And don't steal other stories. It's good that there is a pretense that this story is 'real'. But your intro should NEVER say the whole thing didn't happen. This prevents the reader from believing you, and you should allow the reader to believe.

I think you mean massage, sorry to pick holes but its really bugging me lol

Love your stories. They hit a lot of my fantasy buttons. Thanks!