B ENDINGS DESTROY THE POSSIBLE VALIDITY OF THE STORY SO WHY DO IT?
Isn't there a little explanation needed here or am I expecting too much?
Simone tired of fucking around? She run outa money? She came back to the inquiring tongue? What? What?
Is he gonna be happy to take her back?? Throw her out?
Inquiring minds need to know!
get off me bitch, but thanks for the wake up. Say here's a $40.00 which should cover the office visit, then cmon back Tuesday morning after you get a doctors note and you can make a $50.00 for around the world but no kissing.
So while you left his response for us to determine, that would be mine.
Damn could he get both daughters and Mom.
Thanks for the story
What the hell happened??? After I finished this story, I had to go back and check, to see that this was a J.P.B. story. I just couldn't believe that J P B, who is one of my favorites, could create something like this. I generously gave you a 50% which is like a "Mulligan" and won't hurt you, but I can't wait for you to get back on the ball.
Even home run hitters strike out. I think this one was a foul out.
Sorry Bob, but you will be back strong.
JPB, this is not you. This is no where near you. I have to suspect that either you: 1) got drunk and wrote, 2) got sober and wrote, 3) fell on your head and wrote, 4) had a nasty fight with the little lady and wrote, 5) got a piece of bad fish and wrote, 6) lost a bet and had to write, or 7) got drunk and wrote.
Whatever, try for plan C with Lottery Winner, and I will try to forget this story.
Short stories are the most difficult to write...
This one came off ok....
But try reading "Sarah" on the other site...geez...after 5 friggin chapters the story still stank and is really, really bad writing.
Stick to writing shorties...you have a knack for that.
But that's me.
many disjointed parts which do not fit together. What was the point of the story with respect to Sherri? Why did Simone leave, why did she return and what did it have to do with Ron?
He should have kicked Simone's sorry ass out and turned his daughter into his personal slut slave.
Mate, you're a fucking glutton for punishment. You appear to love it so much. Why? Why this stupid scenario again? Who gives a fuck if that stupid slut came back to you? Surely not you?
and she used her money up on all those fine lads, maybe even they just stole her money. in an case, back a more wordly and experienced woman, and let her out the door to get even more so.
So...nothing was said about the money. Nothing was said about the wife.
Nothing was said about the divorce.
What the fuck Bob? There was no thread to this story. It was story 'felt', a bunch of little fibers of unrelated material all pressed into something barely useful and weak.
Same as the original with one change. Should have written another chapter adding another family member. No, I guess not.
has returned to the fold. TK U MLJ LV NV
I Actually loved The Lottery Winner (B) I'm a real Real Romantic at heart. The man truly Loved his wife. The lottery win allowed her to try to find out what She missed by marrying her childhood sweetheart. Lots of these type marriages that happen with childhood sweethearts don't "make it" past two or three years Because they never dated anyone else. It was plain, the Children had access to Mom and kept her informed on her ex's miserable life since she left. To him the money meant nothing, not without her. This is deep Love. When She came back, She had missed him too. The story tells me that She used her Husband as a comparison to what "is" available ''out there''. She had her fling. She came back to the real thing. It's a Love story. Lots of times, The Woman is just a mere deposit dump for single men. No commitments. The Story line is believable.
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