All Comments on 'Lick My Pussy, Mom Ch. 02'

by sexygirl21

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  • 16 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousabout 18 years ago
Bullshit

You are really a dumb shit. Being queer is no excuse for stupidity.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 18 years ago
keep going

don't listen to this creep. keep doing what you're doing. Gets me rock hard.

HL55HL55about 18 years ago
Nice Beginning

Hi lass, read your wee stories re Allie and her Mom.. See that you have glossed over any real character development here and concentrated on the action.... For many men espc, that works fine, yet to me and many others who read and enjoy reading, we seek more of the emotional sides and personae of your characters.. Make us, your readers believe in the characters and the story, share the emotional processes over a period of time, make it beleivable,..... There was an article I read re How to Write Incest/Taboo by one of the authors here, if you can find and read it she spells out the whys and wherefors of doing as I suggested... Please intend this as constructive criticism here lass not denegrating you or your 1st attempts either, but do like what I see in your head as well as the potentials too here, and am looking forward to reading more as you progress as a writer and yes in exploring your own sexuality for, In My Opinion, that gives us al the greatest knowledge base to draw from an besides living an enjoying fantasies with expereince we soon find more doors waiting to be tried na opened too no mater how wide or how far we venture past the threshold

pax HL

"Courtesy costs you nothing yet gains you Everything" Lady M

"I cannot Live without books" T Jefferson

AnonymousAnonymousabout 17 years ago
Very Good

I am really, wet now :-)

AnonymousAnonymousabout 17 years ago
Brilliant and To the Point

This is a brilliant story and I loved the first one, I hope to see more and see some character and passion emerge, obviously you wanted to create a very erotic story and it's good so far, however I believe this story could be made more erotic by some true feeling, passion and also some knowledge of the characters.

Overall good, I hope to read more.

AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
boring

really?u ppl like this bs?! "oh mom that was awsome!" gimme a break i've read better

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 16 years ago
Good story so far

I take it its at least a 3 parter (as you wrote TBC) so should wait for that one.

Its a good story so far, right to the point sometimes better but as other people have commented a little more on the characters.

Overall very erotic, steamy. I enjoyed it.

AnonymousAnonymousover 15 years ago
don't quit ur day job

THIS STORY SUCK ASS, DON'T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB.

athletewriter7athletewriter7about 15 years ago
The Queer One

First off, it takes guts to put something on here. If you are going to leave a comment, leave constructive criticism. You sound ignorant.

Also, being queer has nothing to do with being a good writer. I'm sure with your attitude, a narcissistic prick, you aren't making your partner scream in real ecstasy or writing brilliant stories about it.

Be constructive or don't leave anything.

Now to the real comment, the stories are decent. Keep working at it. The best advice has already been given...be a tease and drag it out a little longer. Make the reader really want it ;)

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago

absolutely amazingly wonderful

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
oh godd

Just shot the biggest load is there a part 3?

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago

proof read . your spelling mistakes, etc. takes away from the story.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
Such a tease...

Two stories with such potential! Six years later we are left hanging without a conclusion.

:(

AnonymousAnonymousabout 10 years ago

That made my pussy so wet that i want both of you to come lick my puss

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 4 years ago
Not bad but ...

First thing ... it is always a pisser when a writer adds at the end :to be continued", and it isn't, especially after a couple years float by.

The story wasn't bad, but the ending went flat. If it isn't going to be continued or didn't know how to end it, here is a good suggestion ,,, you will see my changes verses your original ending ...

Your ending (with grammatical errors):

Both their orgasms shook through their bodies. Allie moaned so loud she was sure any one out on the street could hear it. Sarah had come close to squirting, which she only done once. Allie almost fainted and sarah had to lay on the floor hers was so big. Allie laid in her shower for five minutes while her body recovered from the shock. When both were done they got out and dried off. Then left the their bathrooms.

Revised ending:

Both their orgasms shook through their bodies. Allie moaned so loud she was sure anyone out on the street could hear it. Sarah had come close to squirting, which she only done once. Allie almost fainted and Sarah had to lay on the floor, hers was so big. Allie laid in her shower for five minutes while her body recovered from the shock. When both were done, they got out and dried off, they left their bathrooms.

Both had the same thoughts.

The taste for each other called to them, their desires to be fulfilled consumed them. And why not? They had all the time in the world.

It gives the option for a possible continuation or leave to the reader's imagination.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

It seems you learned nothing about creative writing in the interval. Still pretty bad.

Anonymous
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