by FreshPeach
Most people won't like this but I thought it was ver well done. The writing was short, tense, blunt. I like that. The actions/reactions were believeabe and shows how most people are going to react to a situation liked this l I also liked the fact that it was the man who cheated.Although woman are increasingly doing the heating , it still is men who are the perpetrators. We don't see that much here.
So, don't keep us in suspense. What did she decide?
I didn't pick this up until I saw Chagrined's comment. I have to agree with every word he says. I think it is cleverly written.
Very clever and nicely done, and I'll ask the same question, what is she going to do now?
DC
I like it, but I'd rather see it fleshed out a bit. The intensity is great, and I hope it's only the beginning. There's just GOTTA be more!
The story was well written as for as it goes. It just does not go anywhere. The news is that there will likely be no continuation of this story. The author undoubtedly thinks, as do so many Lit.com writers who do not really finish stories, that she has struck some deep psychological chord, and we will all sit around mulling over possible endings. NOT!!!
I hope she surprises me...but that is not likely.
Cheers!
I really liked this story. High intensity--and wnough character in each of them to tell the story the author is presenting. Great Job!
This is how it really works with a long term married couple-this is the reality that many of you keep screaming for. There is no death, doom or destruction. Just two people trying to get through the day and get to tomorrow.
Terse, unpredictable and moving. To where? Perhaps anywhere but the tone is eventual and painful recovery by each.
Very Impressive Authoress! Not even a child gets every question answered.
With High Regard
Some rather uneasy feelings were produced by this one. Extraordinary writing, deft, clever, evocotive. Thanks
Obviously, you should know what she's gonna do.
She's gonna wake him at 08:30 for the 10 O'clock tee time.
Twenty years married and with kids? What should she do? Destroy everything or take him at his word that it was just a mistake? He has told her about it. Why; unless he is sincere?
I'm sure she'll struggle with it but she'll survive ok; they'll survive ok!!
I guess we pick the most inopportune times to confess our sins so that we can avoid confronting the issues. Nothing is ever solved, so we leave it feastering until the inevitable happens; whatever that may be. Needs an ending.
Boyd
For me, this is an incredible little vignette of life. Throughout it, despite what hubby has done, there are small expressions of the love they have for each other. Those expressions of love foretell the eventual reconciliation. I can see it happening in a quiet little conversation after wifey has had a period of time to get over the worst of the anger.
While I would enjoy a lengthier read, it wasn’t necessary. The spareness of the story creates a stark and vivid word picture that evokes strong emotions. They seem to be decent people, one of whom has done something stupid. They’ll get through it and be stronger on the other side if they both address each other’s emotional needs with a greater intensity. As a previous commenter noted, this is reality.
Thanks for writing.
Phil
Wonder if the Loving Wives Police will be clamoring to throw the (man) whore out on his ass and get revenge on the other party.
Seriously, your story was very well written. I really liked the perfume bottle incident - captured her rage and frustration in one moment. I'm not sure a part II would work as some have noted - this was a great snapshot.
I got a hint of your talent. It’s very impressive. Fine and sensitive eye for details. Which is why I am going to try your other stories. BTW, I agree, this couple definitely stays; the non verbal behaviors tell us that.
Very powerful, very well-written, and the shortness contributes to its punch.
Of course I'd like to know what happens next, as I imagine most readers would--but that doesn't mean you should write it (unless you want to). The feeling of open-endedness is part of what makes the story powerful.
Thanks for writing!
ohio
He was gone. She went to the golf course but he was not there. By the time she got back to the house, all his things were gone. When she tried to call him she found his cell phone had been disconnected. She tried her cell phone only to find it to, had been disconnected. The next day she discovered her credit card wouldn't work. Then she was served with divorce papers. She never saw or heard from him again. He had quit his job and no one knew where he had gone. The end.