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Challenge Accepted, Anonymous

byhansbwl©
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Comments (75)
by Anonymous

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by allforall04/25/06

It is different

Thankyou for a different conclusion of infidelity

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by Anonymous04/25/06

did you enjoy the ending

you send so much time talking about what you would do if cheated on.you forgot to show us what happen.

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by peggytwitty04/25/06

Good story from a good writer

Again some would love to hear the last conversation between this man and slut wife. A little more of an ending would be appreciated.
You have stated it right as to trying to find something all new in Loving Wives it’s almost impossible and you did a good job trying to be original. I liked this story.
I know you have taken a lot of heat in the past for not completing endings of stories from people including me. I’m just suggesting a bit of an epilogue sometimes help. If you don’t feel it is necessary then don’t do it and don’t apologize. This is your story and let it be what you want it be. Turn off the comments if it gets to you.
You write very well
Please keep writing

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by Anonymous04/25/06

Very Good

Your first story about the suspicious husband was good and different. This story also had a good twist. Many stories about cheating wives do sound alike. So any little variation you can add is good if the story is well written. I do suggest you use an editor.

Boyd

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by Anonymous04/25/06

Well done

Well, you set out to find an original way for a husband to find out his wife was cheating, and boy did you ever! Since that was the main purpose of this story, I see no reason to look for any other reason to criticize. Bravo.

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by Anonymous04/25/06

Sorry

You failed again...nothing new.

Back to the drawing board. Keep trying.

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by Minigales04/25/06

Nice but Incomplete

That was an interesting story, but you quit when it heated up.
Do not give a shit about short impolite comments, but finish the story. Thanks.

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by gizzmo30104/25/06

Good

very good story but what happenrd next.

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by Anonymous04/25/06

Show don't tell

This story would have been better if you hadn't "told" us the story, rather than "showing." You were lazy, my friend.

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by Nightowl2204/25/06

Next chapter

This does need more. Dunno if it would fill an entire chapter but it could. It would be interesting to know if Sophy was being paid for her services, for instance. Now that would fill the slut role. Plus I'd like to hear Sophy's explanation, I bet it's a dandy.

But anyway, it needs more.

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by apilgram04/25/06

I'm looking for the next chapter.....

This is a novel story line. Good twist to it. Well written without the usual mistakes in words. Keep up the good work.

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by vastiesmith04/25/06

Good one! Now end it. Tell us what happened when

you got home.The dealiong of the cheating should be told. Thanks for a good short story.

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by Anonymous04/25/06

well done

I liked `superstition`. I thought you worked it well and it was an enjoyable read. As was said `theres ony so many stories to a theme`, but some writers dont make as good a job as others.
You did well, and with `challenge accepted` I hope your critic/s are silienced.

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by charleybear04/25/06

My only comment

is that you must finish this story. There has to be a confrontation, there has to be more than "my marriage is over" for this story to be complete. He confronted her with his suspicions before, why not now? He would never have left it as you did here.
Charleybear

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by Risq_00104/25/06

Well, on one hand

I liked this story a lot. It was unique so far and stood out as a different twist.

But on the other hand, I'm pretty sure that its going to look like "Superstitious Me? Of Course. Pt. 02" where once the wife is caught, because of the circumstance's around "how" she got caught, she may be able to talk her way out trouble and stays married to him because it would be easier for him to stay married to her than it would to divorce her.

I hope not since you had both of them talking about what would happen if the other was caught cheating, and you pretty much demonstrated through some leg work that she completely lied to him across the board, but I too am curious if your through and going to let this stand as it is or if your going have a part two.

As it stands now its pretty good, but "feels" incomplete because you stated how they both would feel if they cheated on the other. But you didn't "resolve" what happened once the knowledge was gained by the husband that she was.

Nice setup, but feeling like it lacked a finish.

-Risq

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by Anonymous04/25/06

more to story

where did the money come from for all the cloths she wears
is she whoring her self out or is it more sinster than that.
there must be more to this story and why take chance after their talk please tell more.
what happens to the children when she out whoring.

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by Metzov04/25/06

Hans you have to learn to ignore some critics

In this case it sparked an idea for a good story and that's a good thing. But I've seen the same "nothing new" or "it's been done to death" commits over and over again coming from what I believe is the same anonymous critic.

He never gives any ideas of his own about how he'd handle a husband catching a cheating wife, But he almost never misses a chance to post his "done to death :)" response to a loving wife story.

Hell I think the post with the title "Sorry" is his.

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by FireFox5904/25/06

Done To Death

Don't worry about the complainers!!!! If you writers did that we'd NEVER have a new story. Like the old saying...There's only so many ways to skin a cat. Same goes for cheating wife stories but I still enjoy them. Throw in some twists occasionally and most of us are happy:)! Hope there's a Chapter 2 to this one.

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by Anonymous04/25/06

Great

Loved the ending,think how full the court room will be if they all testify at the divorce hearing.Two unresolved questions,where did she get the money from,and if the hotel thought the women were soliciting why didn't they throw them out?

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by Chagrined04/25/06

Yes, this just scratched the surface.

Hans,

Very well done. A couple of English errors but nothing major! You gave a very good alternative to the way a person can discover a cheating spouse. In fact, i wish I had thought of it! But this definitely needs and ending.

Hans, you just got us to the good part and left us hangin', dude!

Finish this up. How will he react? How will he confront her. I suggest he get a copy of the tape if possible because her nasty, lying ass will deny everything! :-)

Goor Job
Best Regards,
C

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by jaggers005304/25/06

good story

good story,and as usual with a good story a call for more.
you did state your goals in the preamble and you accomplished it. what happened after he caught her? simple he got a divorce.anything else would be contrary to their discussion in the story.

challenge extended,challenge accepted,challenge met! goood job.

don

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by Anonymous04/25/06

But just the beginning

I would like to hear her try to defend herself or cry her way out of this one. He needs to pick his chin up, take her to court and kick the shit out of her rotten lying ass.

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by Anonymous04/25/06

concurred with Charleybear

you are the creator of the story, and you can end it as you please, even in mid sentence; but this story does beg to be ended with more intelligent dialogues.

stories, remember, are not all about sex, sex, and more erotic sex, where the wife or husband just suck and swallow big/handsome/romantic strangers and/or friends, behind their spouse's back,,,

stories are, first and foremost, about dialogues, events, emotions, thoughts, families, rights and wrongs, decisions, tails of obsessions, defeat, triumphs, etc.

you need to, as the creator of the story, tell us, in small details --- by creating believable and creative dialogues for your characters --- what we may already know broadly (that is, the marriage has ended): you need to tell us why the characters carry themselves the way they do, why they lie straight-faced to their partners and loved ones, etc.

in your mind --- in your creator world for those characters --- have them explore those things among themselves: why, for example, they are willing to destroy their family unit for extra sex, especially when their spouse are hard working, decent, loving, and faithful, etc.

but, gain, good job on the preable (this story should really be a short preamble to a larger, bigger, more substantial confrontation between two seemingly adults, two parents, who promised, in explict terms, to love and honor one another: you need to, again, give the opportunity to the strayed person explain or "justify" their transgression,,,)

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by Anonymous04/26/06

It Wasn't Sameness - Yet Sameness Is Desired?

Author - very nice work to make it different and display your abilities. However, many want a neat little package to file away. Such is the nature of the beasts er readers.

Closure doesn't always fit well as many writers here can testify to. However, when a good book or short story is being enjoyed no one wants to see it end and that is what often begs more.

Short story closure is the final act and is a strong challenge to all writers. This is especially true in this theme of marital consequence where not only is justice sought but penalty of some shape is desired to balance the books. It should be no surprise that those feelings result from the emotions you stired so well.

So as mentioned in another comment, the buck stops with you the instigator - the author who can do what you wish and should - to imprint your style and character upon your work.

Don't second guess your intentions as it is not only part of the growing, it can be an avoidance of the sameness expected.

Author - Absolutes can be expected but grow cold with consistancy. Callousness never won a faint heart but a degree of independancy isn't totally bad either. Listen to the well meaning but realise only one name goes on your effort unless the wailing has the same tone.

Thanks Author - you are appreciated - With High Regard

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by txrosenaynay04/26/06

Yes.....

very different indeed...and i liked it along with the others and agree...theres another story if not quite a few chapters that can be written out of this one...LOL..love to be fly on the wall for this one. respectfully fan in Texas naynay

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by Kanga4004/26/06

Two thoughts...

Firstly - news crew showing the wife is not at all original.
And, leaving a story in mid sentence is, unfortunatley, being done to death on Literotica.

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by jthserra04/26/06

Very stilted, weak dialogue

they weren't talking to each other, it was like they were reading from a very bad movie script.

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by Anonymous04/27/06

Nice Story - good ending

I liked your story and your ending. I encourage you to write more stories. Some people always complain. Some are looking for cuckolds and whimps (not me). More is possible with this story it seems to me but do things your way. Many who complain can not write a "lick".

Thank you for your efforts.

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by Anonymous04/27/06

Incomplete Story!

Please don't write an epilogue if it is not in you. This is your story so don't let those who haven't written a story dictate your work. I agree that you did a good job crafting an original ending to this story.

In your story, "Superstitious Me? Of Course," I got that the focus was the role of superstition in everyday life decisions. The fact is that many people are superstitious but most of the actions due to superstition (e.g., not crossing a black cat's path) have little importance. You were clever to build it into a martial situation. My comments centered on the lack of crediblity in the second part of the story.

In this story you set the stage for the confrontation and leave us hanging. The wife is such an outstanding liar it would not surprise me to find that she has a good one for being in a strange man's room. She could claim that she inadvertently mix cold medicine and drinks, she could not drive, and one of the gentlemen in the hotel offered to let her sleep it off in a spare room (one of his fellow salemen did not show). In any case, the husband should have followed up on his initial idea to get the proof of her infidelity.

SleeplessinMD

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by Anonymous04/29/06

????

Personally I don't see what all the fuss is about. There's limited ways a wife (or husband) can get onto trouble, limited ways she (he) can be caught out, and limited ways the offended spouse can deal with it. The total number of possible permutations is probably not much more than a few hundred or so, each of which has possibly been published on Lit at least 3 or 4 times. So what?
I like to read different takes by different authors on a similar theme - 10/10 to each of them for trying.
I liked "Superstitious" and I liked this one. Keep it u

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by Anonymous05/04/06

My apologies

As the writer of the story, I would like to apologise to my editor and to my readers. By a shear misfortune I loaded the wrong file when submitting my story. The story should have been submitted with the corrections done by Angela Love, and I will try to substitute with the correct edited version. This may take some time, since I have forgotten my password, and not at home.I value Angela Loves advice and help tremendously. Again, I am sorry and hopefully forgiven.

Hansbwl

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by louguy3507/04/06

Wife not the only cheater!

I just re-read this story. After two months reflection, I still have the same opinion as when I read it the first time. You are a bigger cheat than the wife in the story.

As is the case with an increasingly large number of Lit.com writers, you get to the point in the story where an ending should be developed, and then drop it...unfinished. It is not...repeat NOT...cute. (If that is what you are trying to be) This approach to writing fiction is really very juvenile or primitive. It is also dishonest in a way. You cheat your reader; you shortchange the story; and you cheat yourself, because you will never learn the craft of storytelling as long as you cannot make yourself follow the discipline of writing a good story.

It does not matter how well written or interesting the beginning and middle of a story are, if you cannot write an ending it is all lost. Does trying to write an ending tire you out? Does it freighten you? Are you not creative enough? Why can't you write an ending? Do you not care for your reders? Are you just not interested? If that part of the craft evades you, perhaps you should seek another type of writing. Certainly not fiction!

I wish you luck in the future!

Cheers!

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by Anonymous01/20/07

why do writers write,for the readers

with that said,where is the rest of the story.writer don't have the right to write anything and say take it or leave it.if that not right why are you writing stories on this site.for people to read and comment on your stories.writer your head do get big sometime.

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by Anonymous01/20/07

A closet full of dressy clothes you never

wear with me, including the lingerie. New styles of making love and new techniques, how stupid did you want to paint this husband. Why no I get the clothes cheaper just to wear dancing with men at a hotel! Guy needs to get home throw her ass out and then wonder why he is living.

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by Bazzz02/07/07

A little condescending

While I agree it was very lazy to just walk into a house and find your wife laying in bed with another guy and then listen to her explain everything right then and there this convesation might have been even worse. If you wanted to make it up to the readers you should have actually done it without the condescending tone in that conversation. It was actually dripping from your pen when you wrote it.

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by Bazzz02/09/07

Sorry about that Hansbwl

Sorry about the way that previous comment was written. It's silly to write a critical comment on a story and then leave a comment that's written so poorly. I hope my email to you was more readable.

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by zed011/22/07

Good beginning...

... now finish it!

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by Anonymous11/25/07

challenge accepted

I liked the story but it is incomplete. It needs an ending of some sort. This ending is sort of nebuleous.
Me personnally, I like happy endings where couples can work through things after large struggles. just a thought.

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by KOLKORE05/08/08

No need for pirotechnichs to make a good story

I kind of liked the dialogue, it felt like tongue in cheek. I could not understand the big controversy about originality. Every thing has already been written; it's all in the details of each story. This brings me to where I felt the story went flat. So what if he saw her at eight in the morning in the hotel? She can still come with 1001 stories about special circumstances etc. And did he catch her sleeping with someone? on the other hand he could have simply attached a PI to really catch her, that would not have made the story less original. Again, it's in the details. You could have made an equally humorous confrontation with the evidence (without her knowing that the husband has any) to make for a perfectly satisfying story. Just my two cents.

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by bruce2205/14/08

One more vote for Liberty to the Author

Oh come on gang, at 8 AM in the morning she saved from a sixth floor apartment in the hotel??? It seems like an open and closed case to me!
It felt to me like a very good place to stop. All points had been made. In fact the final decision was clear after his conversation with the Dance School and the Hotel Management.
The wife suffered from an excess in creativity!

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by Anonymous01/20/09

So now he knows his wife is a whore and she

leaves the children to go out whoring. Divorce, give her no custody, and since she has employment no support. Yeah team.

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by jackiedaniels02/12/09

It needs an Ending

I feel as some of the other commenter's it needs an ending, We heard all of her reasons as to why he was wrong to think she was cheating now lets hear her explain her way out of this mess,It sounds as though she was making a little money on the side, with the out of town conventioner's, I,d love to be in on him confronting her when he get's home,as she seemed to have all the pantent answer's before,I,m pretty sure one of her arguments against him divorcing her will be it was only a one night fling and she told him she could proably forgive him for that as it wasn,t an affair as she was pretty evasive when asked ,

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by jackiedaniels02/12/09

After reading the comments

I,m sorry but I,m confused, I,m wondering if my pc has lost part of this story or has a commenter ,made a comment on the wrong story, he says he comes home finds his wife in bed with the guy and then questions her, and later another comment is she leaves her kids and goes out dancing, now the story I read starts out , with her husband asking her if she has cheated on him, no mention of being in bed with anyone, ever, and my story has no mention of kids being left while she goes out, HHHHHHHHMMMMMMMM,just a little confused is all,

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by Anonymous04/18/09

Good, but needs ending

This story needs an ending!With who she let the children when she´s out fucking the guy?What the hubby is going to do whith her???

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by glk1905/17/09

happens way to often

and the reality is that she will get the kids, house, alimony, half of all monies and child support. The courts dont give a damn about men

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by RonRWood08/09/09

Good Story

I loved it. She was warned in advance with the conversation they had. His reasons for his suspicions were discussed, and too, the results to their marriage if either one was caught. That she dared him to verify his suspicion and continued her cheating indicated the marriage was over, just as he suspected. I would have initiated the conversation much the same way if I had the same evidence. She made it easy for him. Even without the fire! No respect for him at all...

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by Anonymous11/10/09

Divorce

Well written...except, why bother with the fire? He had friends following her! Throw her out, too bad she is gorgeous and he is plain. Is he a cuckold, I don't think so!
She is a devious slut, he needs to move on, heal and find a good woman who appreciates him for the character he has. Divorce the bitch!!!
I speak from experience when I tell you that for three years of my life, I met, fell in love with and was about to marry an extremely attractive, educated and seductive creature rhat men drool over; unfortunately, some of them were enjoying her. Did it hurt to walk away from a deep love (we both did love eachother) a beautiful sexual creature...Hell Yes, I still love her, miss her and don't want anything to do with her...He needs to get on with his life, without her. Write the next chapter!

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by Anonymous12/02/09

nicely done

its those pesky little quirks that happen when least expected.

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by Anonymous12/31/09

oh?

oh? and? .............

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by oldwayne05/16/10

I think I missed something.

I know English isn't your first language, but I find the story to be kind of perplexing. After reading the comments, I don't think I'm the only one who sort of has a disconnect with this story. I think you should either do it over or finish it.

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