All Comments on 'The Widowmaker Ch. 02'

You really do need to give us more per chapter.

This was way too short.

There is no sin involved in writing a complete story and posting it all at once either.

That way you are not tempted to change the story to suit anyone but yourself.

You are going down hill fast. There is not enough here to maintain any interest. You need to complete the story and post it or at least do much more in a chapter. This way you are wasting everybody's time.

I do wish this was going faster, but I understand about the page limiting factor. But soon please

I would like to take a moment to explain myself. This is most definitely a learning experience for me. Being new to this site, I have a lot to learn about submitting. I did not realize how long it could take before a submission was approved. I have the story basically finished, but now I am going through it to merge it into a means to an end. I realize that from now on, I will have the entire story ready to go all at one shot. I am not posting a chapter and waiting for feedback to change things, I just needed to find out how all of this works. If you will hang in there with me, I do beleive it will be worth the wait. I would also like to take the time to submit an apology to those of you who need one, about my opening statements in Chapter 1. I have read enough of the public feedback to know how ridiculous some of the anonymous entities can be. Also some of the private feedback I have received so far will make you wonder about the state of the world we are living in <BG> I have one thing going for me though, I have Thick Skin and I am serious about what I am doing. Thanks to all of you for the suggestions that I have received, and the guidance about the site also .....

Your Humble Servant ....

Scipionyx

...exciting to you, but it's very boring up to this point. I agree with most everyone else ... it's not worth the time to read it at this point.

I can understand --in a way-- the restrictions you say are placed when submitting a story to the site, but this very small chapter only gave us backstory and we're bored. You have to keep the reader interested to come back and read the rest. Too much backstory can kill a story, unless you balance with some action and emotion.

There is one thing, though. Greg and LT joke about being hardly ever home thanks to demands of their job, so now I'm feeling "some" sympathy for Darla who in reality doesn't have a husband. No wonder the woman is unfaithful. And how is Greg going to justify his violent actions in retaliation if he doesn't time have to a wife? His job is his mistress. If he didn't have time for a wife or can't set his priorities to give her some attention (which clearly she needed) he shouldn't have ever married because he's married to his job.

True, we know that the best choice for a couple that doesn't have the time for each other is divorce. She could have divorced him before being unfaithful. We don't know the reasons she chose to remain married. We only know that she consoled herself with affairs. But as it is with the backstory the author has furnished, he's as guilty as her. He should have divorced her when he found out of her affairs because he KNOWS he never had time for her. He's as selfish as her."Yeah baby, stay with me, waiting home patiently and faithfully for when I have a second for you. Maybe in the summer or 2007. Take up knitting."

Hell, I would have been unfaithful too. The bastard deserved it.

I must admit, this is piquing my interest. I know this is a learning experience for you and I would encourage you to survive the bumps along the way. You have the talent to keep your readers interested and you will learn as you go. One bit of advice; don't slant your stories based upon the comments you get. Be your own master, write where your imagination takes you. Good luck.

.......like you didn't see THAT one coming (^_^)

I really don't feel all that great giving out as much feed back as I have so far.

Other than the few things I pointed out the first time you have a good style. And that is something not most authors here have. Only a few really and honestly do. So that's a plus for you. Just take your time to see how it goes and get into it (^_^)

But I have to say, you're building up a pretty big story here. The only thing that will disappoint a lot of folks is if she either gets away with all this cheating, if the husband takes it all in stride and decides to let her get this out of her system because he loves her so much, or if the husband (after you took great pains to build him up as a pretty high person of authority amoung his peers) breaks down, cries, and decides that since he can't live without her he'll take her back, but with a stern too talking thrown in about how sensitive he is to what she's done, how it hurt him, and how she can't ever do it again. All with her doing the old "now that you know and I see how much it hurts you I'll never do it again".

Good work so far, and I hate to post a score without the final piece, but it is intresting enough to at least say something. >=)

-Risq

to the poster SIGH ...

You post is that of a true MORON...

First it is way too early to make those comments about lack of attention from the hubby. Its only chapter 2

yes It may be that the hubby is neglectful... to the extreme. Even so a wife should still make an extra effort to tell him before stepping out... and the same standard applies to wives who are always shutting down their hubbys...

and the " BASTARD" comment ..."he deserves it"... show You to be a douche bag...

tell me IF a guy / Husband is say a Fireman or a cop... is cheating OK in your warped stupid views? I mean if a wife has an itch that need to be scratched at 10PM and hubby is out fighting a fire is it Ok for her to FUCK some other guy?

I mean he isnt their the BASTARD!!!!

OR suppose Hubby is over in Iraq or Afghanistan.... for a year ... cheating is OK in your view?

God what a scumbag you seem to be

Or if my wife turns me down b/c she has the flu I guess I can go across the street and screw her best friend... right?

keep going .... for 1st effort it seems like a good story developing

SIGH has hit the nail on the head. IRL, that is exactly what happens most of the time. Most women who finally cheat have told their husbands many times of the husbands' neglect of their emotional needs. The husbands don't get it.

Obviously, that doesn't mean the wives have to cheat. Divorce would be a more ethical choice and, as 7 out of 10 divorces are initiated by women, my guess is that most divorce rather than cheat.

My opinion is that those wives need to lower their expectations. Plainly, there are many men away from home for long periods of time who who have wives that don't cheat or divorce them. While the wives probably don't enjoy it, they've managed to balance expectations and reality.

The story is interesting but I, for one, would rather see a full story at one reading. Another thing that happens to some of the more "famous" authors here is that, in breaking the story up into chapters, they lose track of some of the details and then the commentors wind up debating these details. Some of the details actually would change the story completely so the reader is left wondering what the author really meant. Ya know, did she or didn't she? What was she thinking? Kinda important stuff like that.

Thanks for what seems like a good story.

Phil

nothing great about the wife being a whore on the side,just another cheating whore story.the diferent could be hubby killing her lovers.

I’m just a bit astonished about the feedback as your added comment in the Public Comment section explained it all to me. Like RISQ said there is not much to comment on yet so I’ll wait and see where you go with the entire story, as you have a lot of material to fit together.

Your writing is very good.

With expectations

to "know" what's "happening." of course, the author could be "playing with" the audience and the set up (wife has an itch and it must be scratched right away tonight, even after having spoken lovingly to the hubby: what he won't know won't hurt him, blah, blha)

this has NOTHING to do with traveling, work, long distance separation, or "lack of love", etc. it is A PURELY calculated risk the woman is taking: THERE IS AN ITCH BETWEEN HER LEGS, SHE SAID, AND IT NEEDS TO BE SCRATCHED. And she also concluded that he must NEVER know these itch-scratching activities of hers; and if he don't know than it don't hurt.

what the author decides to say more about their "real" situation at home --- beyond what seems to be this alsmot perfect facade --- it incidental to the CALCULATED decision of a person to cheat while away from their spouse; and to coldly stated that the spouse must never know and if they don't know, it won't hurt them. again, this kind of cold, calculated decision-making is done by people INDEPENDENT of others' feelings, emotions, or sense of trust and honor in the person making such a decision:

the "logic" she goes by is: "I won't let him know about this itch-scratching activity; I love him to death, but this is a physical skin-rubbing act I can not and will not refrain from doing, whether with him or with another man/woman I want who also want me at the same time,,,"

it needs no "rocket scientists" (who are pretty obtuse on average anyway) to figure it out what may or may not happen and how or why,,,

Your work looks promising and we hope for real people some of whom we can respect. In words of succinctness - we don't need no more wimps, but we do need many more writers who are credible and well meaning. And entertaining!

We look forward to your next chapter with hopeful expectations. Thanks - With high Regard

you were on target...that was pretty short and i am a fan of the much longer ones but understand about the editing...i do look forward to reading what is next, i feel this thing heating up and you've laid great leg work for the charchters and storylines...keep up the great work and hang in there, not everyones going to like everything so enjoy the good ones and learn to take hate messages as just that either a learning expeirence or as blow it off...you've got talent girl hang in there*smile*

You have my interest and now I am looking forward to the rest of your story. I am looking forward to the explanations as to how Greg knows about her cheating and exactly how he reacts to it. I see a mirad of possibilities for your story and can't wait to see how you work it all out.

Don't worry about the comments good or bad. Enjoy the good ones and use the critical ones to grow in your writing.

Thanks for your efforts.

Charleybear

Good story line. exciting, a little to short though. You have got me excited. Need More.

I know you have to have background to add a context, a texture to the story. I applaud you for doing so, but that context should take up ONE chapter. You have stretched this out at the expense of the main story.

Furthermore, from what you have provided me to date, all I know is that this couple is supposedly hugely successful working as a semi-clandestine government contractor. While telling me all of this, you have not given me a reason to LIKE either one of them, and if I cannot identify with a character I have little reason to finish reading a story.

On one hand, I'm sticking with you as you finish the story even though, like others, I was a bit put off with so little story development in chapter 2. As for content, Darla's "transformation" comes across as a little too abrupt and "magical". The mere influence of Gregg in one brief meeting and his directions to Darla somehow give her the backbone to snub her boss for the first time. While it moves the story along, it doesn't ring true.

On the other hand, I'm very interested and a little wary of where you are taking this story in terms of relative morality. It certainly seems like Gregg is killing off Darla's sexual partners (although this could be a red herring), and some conflict is coming as a result of this. Presuming I'm on the right track, I'll be interested to see how your story balances the relative morality of committing serial adultery vs. serial murder.

You've established Gregg as quite a guy; almost heroic in stature. If this guy is really going around murdering men to assuage his wounded pride, will he remain a heroic figure, or will he become the villain of the piece? I mean one killing in a jealous rage is understandable on some level, but allowing his wife the freedom of action to continue her recreational sex, only to murder her partners is a bit psychotic. I'm sure there are those who will feel the men deserved to be killed.

Now, having establishd Gregg as a capable and powerful figure, who might be inclinded to feel comfortable exterminating "lesser" men, you have interesting opportunities to explore megalomania, but I suspect that's not where you are going with this one.

I don't see much chance of a happy ending for this one....

Good luck with the rest of the story.

MrHands

i noticed a few remarks critical of the husbands continual absense and place blame at his feet for this. please recall that the absense issue is shared. the following is from early in the first chapter:

"They were hardly together for any length of time it seemed because their schedules were always so busy. But when they were it was magic.

She could be gone weeks at a time when she went out on these excursions, but that is just the way it was. Both of them knew this when they had decided to tie the knot. Either one of them could be called at a moment's notice to leave out for God knows where with no return time that was evident from the start. "

6/06/07 Like to see you write

Hope this finds you recoverd.

I would like to see the rest of your story. I think you have the makings of a very good auther.

Wishing you well. Loren Bacon

now it needs to be Finished.

It seems Greg might be Jealous enough to take out her Lovers.

When are you going to complete this story

Would you consider letting someone else finish this if you're not going to? Such a waste...

Either post the rest of the story or complete it and post it. Looks to be a thriller. If you are unable to finish the story yourself, I'm sure someone--other than FTDS--would be willing to complete the story.

... After a short investigation, it appears that our boy, Scipionyx, has disappeared into the ether, along with his story. Whether he actually was submitting a completed story in chapters or making it up as he went along, we'll probably never know. Even though his own comments suggest the former, I lean toward the latter. The comments written in '06 were certainly not particularly bad enough to deter someone with the "thick skin" that he professed to have. In reality, both the story, even though it had potential, and the author were pretty lame and best forgotten.

He SAID that he was interested, but he had a lot of projects in the fire at the time. Finishing this story WILL be a monumental effort because it can go in so many different directions. I always liked this set up, and I know I wasn't the only one frustrated by it being left incomplete. I have long ago compiled a list of ideas related to this tale; ideas of where I think it can go. However, I know my own writing talent wouldn't be enough to do this justice. I KNOW FTDS has the talent, but does he have the time??? I will keep waiting patiently for him (OR SOMEBODY) to take up this story and run with it. This has the potential to be a borderline novel, but with its many layers of murder, deceit, betrayal, espionage, black-ops, high-powered control freaks, and of course- true love (!)......it is JUST the kind of project that Loving Wives needs right now.

How about it FTDS? Hasn't it been long enough?

He contacted the writer to ask permission to finish the story and was denied. The writer has no plans to finish the story either.

bill........can't make a horse drink...

And the 2 endings I've read in other places were worse than these messes.

Lt Commanders are addressed as Commander, not LT or Lieutenant. I noticed this is the last submission by this author.

This hasn't been added to since 2006? Looks to be an unfinished series. So far this is nothing special. Cheating wife... clandestine husband... her past lovers dying off. Pretty easy to see where this is going, but... NEEDS TO BE FINISHED. Until then it doesn't deserve more than a 1*.

What's with the writers? Can't seem to be able to finish a story to save their lives.

I had never started reading this. Had I known it was unfinished, I would not have started. A major disappointment.

Author just quit. It could have been good.

I'm like the other reader, Why do you write something with NO ending !! ???? I'm really let down !!

We're still all waiting patiently......

When ar you going to write a story. This flunked 10 th grade english. A story has a beginning, a middle, and an ENDING. Two outof three does not count.

Where is the rest of the story?????

I am sure I am going to read to the very end BUT I just do not like the sort of woman she is and I am sure the boss has to know all about her transgressions and has taken care of all of the men in the past and in the future Hurry up man and keep writing (jaybee186)

Come on man write chapters 3 and 4 forget what i said before Sorry (jaybee186)

Good story Looking FWD to the next chapter

Well this story might be over this last one was done in 2006.

sorry where's the rest of the story?