All Comments on 'How (Not) to Dirty Talk in German'

by Munachi

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  • 41 Comments
RedHairedandFriendlyRedHairedandFriendlyalmost 18 years ago
Fun

I enjoyed your How (not) to. It was a delightful read. Thanks, good luck in the contest. ~ Red

evelyn_carrollevelyn_carrollalmost 18 years ago
Wundershoen

Best thing this alt fotze has read for ages. Brilliant, creative, amusing and (er) educational.

sophia janesophia janealmost 18 years ago
~

Interesting read- loved your sense of humor. :)

drksideofthemoondrksideofthemoonalmost 18 years ago
Delightful

Well done!! A real delight to read!

Selena_KittSelena_Kittalmost 18 years ago
Delightful

I love this line: "I am not even sure I remembered my name at that moment, let alone German grammar." Ohhh, I've been there... but, I don't know any German. :) Great job, good luck!

Aurora BlackAurora Blackalmost 18 years ago
Cute

Great stuff, Munachi. An erotic example of how much grammar counts. Can't stop smiling. Good luck to you in the contest.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 18 years ago
Ausgezeichnet

What a great story, which struck a loud chord with me.

My first actual sex was with a delightful girl who spoke only Schwyzerdüütsch. She decided I was too stupid, shy, and/or English-speaking and literally took me in hand and showed me the..er..ropes. Because of that and my job there was a time when I had a more practical vocabulary for sex and turbosuperchargers in Swiss German than in English.

Bless that girl for her sex-drive, generosity, patience and language lessons.

Aurelian

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 18 years ago
Great story!

A great story, and telling of the two of my greatest passions, language learning and sex! Witty, sexy and wonderful! Been there, done that, and maybe it is for the best my current partner with whom we communicate in English, is not so much into dirty talk :)

Little BirdLittle Birdalmost 18 years ago
Hehe, know it...

I don't if everyone thinks that way of his native language, but talking about sexuality in german IS hard! Either it sounds clinical or outright silly. I think german is a very nice language for romantical talking but not for erotical.

But "Vernaschen" is probably one of the most beautiful. It's like you're exited like a little kid jumping around in joy in expectation of sweets. To use the word again, i think it's just sweet. ;)

But another really wonderfull german word is "Po". It's maybe even one of the most wonderfull words ever. It means butt, bum, bottom, tush, ... but the best thing is, it's of totaly universal use. You can say it allways. If an old lady asks you where you got bitten by a mosquito you can say it. You can say it when a physician asks you the same or to tell where a pair of new trousers are to tight. You can even say it to your childrens, you can say it to your friends no matter what age you are and you can even use it sexually. You can use it when talking romantical and when it should sound kinky.

It just never sounds silly. I really love this word. ^^

warrenbmewarrenbmealmost 18 years ago
A like it a lot

I liked this article a lot. Having spent only 6 days in Germany, learning a little German before I left (some friends from Germany were in Australia at the time), it was difficult to converse about sex and everything related to it, in German. English was so much easier. Thankfully my girlfriend over there was from Australia too, her speaking German reasonably well, covering for my lack of fluency.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 18 years ago
I Empathize

I have been with several lovers, under the banners of many countries. I have often said that German is the UNsexiest language there is (followed by Dutch and Polish). Arabic can be beautiful, but I have now strayed into Italian waters and may never return - Bella.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 18 years ago
Fun to Read!

While I doubt I'll ever have the need to speak dirty in German...although, who knows?...this was great fun to read! I particularly love the piece of advice at the very end!!!Great job; and good luck in the contest!

oggbashanoggbashanalmost 18 years ago
Grammar mistakes?

I'm not sure that I could remember to speak grammatical English if I was intimately involved with someone and close to a climax. I wouldn't have a hope of remembering German grammar.

The advice is good - shut up and get on with the sex and nothing else matters. If I have the opportunity to have sex with someone whose native language is not English I'd probably be distracted by remembering Munachi's advice at the critical moment...

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 18 years ago
vernaschen = to seduce

nothing more to say

Isabella2706Isabella2706almost 18 years ago
Still smiling!

Funny and witty, this piece made me laugh aloud several times...but you haven't increased my desire to have sex with a German!

angelicminxangelicminxalmost 18 years ago
~

I've pondered what to say, and I've come up with nothing worth a tinker's damn. Eine zwei drei is all that comes to mind, over and over again. Drei gives me a chuckle, though. :) Good luck in the contest. ~Minx

Boxlicker101Boxlicker101almost 18 years ago
A funny and

interesting piece. I don't speak any foreign languages, except that my wife taught me some of the words for body parts and functions in Tagalog.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 18 years ago
More of an essay than a how-to,

but well-written and thoughtful.

My Erotic TrailMy Erotic Trailalmost 18 years ago
witty humor

I enjoyed this essay (~_~) thanks for the read and good luck

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 18 years ago
Too funny!

I can relate to your "mood killer" moment, as I am an obsessive spelling perfectionist. Good luck!

damppantiesdamppantiesalmost 18 years ago
Pleasantly Surprised!

This was quite a funny little How To, and as I've read only serious stuff from you before this, it was really quite refreshing. Good one!

SlickTonySlickTonyalmost 18 years ago
Amusing

Very amusing read. Takes me back a little to my foreign-men days, almost 30 years ago.

One lover I had, a Pakistani guy, compared my face with my long brown hair drifting around it to the moon with dark clouds passing over it. If this was a cliche, [i]I don't want to know.[/i]

SlickTonySlickTonyalmost 18 years ago
Amusing

Very amusing read. Takes me back a little to my foreign-men days, almost 30 years ago.

One lover I had, a Pakistani guy, compared my face with my long brown hair drifting around it to the moon with dark clouds passing over it. If this was a cliche, [i]I don't want to know.[/i]

lindianalindianaalmost 18 years ago
Giggles

This reminds me of my trip to England with my high school marching band when I was a Freshman. We were on a train from Harrogate back to London with other participants of this International Youth Festival. On the train was a group of Hungarian dancers, most older than us. Somehow, the five other freshman girls and I in our cabin ended up pairing up with five of the older Hungarian men while trying to play 'Telephone'.

Apparently, "Let's make out" needs no translation. And no, I did NOT go all the way!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 18 years ago
*grin*

This made me think of a recent experience with a German boy in Romania who was fascinated with dirty talk... and the silliness that resulted because of communication gaps. Thanks for making me smile, and good luck in the contest.

hugo_samhugo_samalmost 18 years ago
~

Interesting thoughts on native language. Good luck in the contest.

Hugo

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 18 years ago
Hilarious!

I am also from a german background but all my sexual experience has been in english. So i can whole-heartedly relate to to this! And yes, vernaschen is very a very tasty verb :P

fieryjenfieryjenabout 17 years ago
Hilarious!

I enjoyed this a lot, and I completely agree with your observations about German dirty talk. The one and only time my boyfriend insisted on trying to talk dirty in my language instead of his, I was literally pressing my hands over my ears, screeching "I can't hear you!"

I think I might have to suggest he read this as soon as possible.

AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
allerdings!

This was so amusingly German I really enjoyed it, in spite of the story's sometimes lacking in rhythm or cursivity. I guess being able to relate to some of the depicted events and characters contributed to the positive impression.

One more remark for the author: Ich auch finde Deutsch ziemlich eigenartig, bezüglich seiner verwendung in sexbezogenen Situationen. Obwohl Englisch für mich ebenfalls keiner Muttersprache entspricht, halte ich es auf komischer Weise auch für beste Sprachwahl, falls man lust auf ein bisschen "Dirty-talk" haben soll. Französisch kann auch völlig gut klingen, besonders wenn es von einer scharmanten sie ins Ohr geflüstert wird.

Jedenfalls, danke der entspannenden Lektüre und, wer weiß, solltest du irgendwann erneute Lust, Rumänisch auszuprobieren haben, so stehe ich eindeutig zur Verfügung. Aufgrund reiner linguistischen Argumenten, versteht sich!

KOLKOREKOLKOREover 16 years ago
It was just too funny - more please!

Your hilarious piece reminds me of an X rated version of the recent, also very funny book (on the violators of the English language): "Eat, Shoots and lives" If I just had such a 'grammar teacher' in my school years! You must read this book (you probably have).It is right down your alley. I have no doubt that with your ear for languages and your eye for humor you could write much more about any mis -haps including in English (I mean about mis haps in the English language...)

Aramis20Aramis20about 16 years ago
WOOT!

As someone who speaks conversational German, but is still far from fluency, I found this article fantastic, especially the raw honest humour of it. So thanks, this was brilliant.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 16 years ago
fantastisch!

This was very amusing. I live in Austria but I'm not a native German speaker. I speak conversational German but not fluently, and Österreichishe Deutsch at that. Very interesting too; I only know erotic or f- words in my native language, or in English. So, danke schön für die information. And, as they say here, Tschüs bapa! =)

curiousk75curiousk75almost 16 years ago
Lüstig!

Have only discovered you today but I will definitely be reading more of you. I am an Aussie student and am studying German (at an introductory level) so will be challenging myself to read some of your German submissions (I figure it will be a good incentive for me to practice - lol). Danke!

CarmelittaCarmelittaalmost 16 years ago
Lost in translation

I loved ur story - what a fine read! :) It reminds me of a funny experience I once had...

Originally I am from Germany, too. Just like the author dirty talking has always been easier for me in other languages like French, Italian or preferably English. I never really liked to do it in German. But then, one day I met a guy who thought that German was the sexiest language in the world. From that day whenever we were having sex he forced me into talking in German. I could not NOT talk German cause I didnt want to disappoint him. The problem was it turned me off so much. So I just started using imaginary words instead that sounded German or things that didn't make sense. Once in a while he'd ask me what it meant. I would I give him the "translation". It worked quite well for me. Then, one day while I was sitting on top of him he started using those "German" words on me in order to turn me on!!! It was so hilarious! I couldn't do it much longer. I had to tell him! He took it with humor but the German days were over!

I am so glad I have a Canadian now!!!!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
Second this completely *g*

You just made my day! I'm German and it keeps me stunned how easily I would be able to do dirty talk in English or would be able to tell my partner what I exactly want from him fitting each level of arousal, but how hard I'm struggeling to do so in my mother tongue German... Perhaps I should tell my partner that from now on only English is allowed in bed - English as the language of sex :-)

SmartyBluPantsSmartyBluPantsalmost 15 years ago
Ich stimme Ihnen zu!

You made me giggle , chuckle and right out lol! I am a minor in the German language so I consider myself a pretty good speaker though the most naughty words I can say is a few curses lol. Sehr Komisch!

AnonymousAnonymousover 14 years ago
Interesting

So finding dirty talk in german stupid and silly is not just my peculiarity. I simply can´t stand most german Porn simply because the dialogue is so annoying and cheesy.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 14 years ago
Talking Dirty Tips

Another way to learn how to talk dirty is to think about the things you want to say and practice them alone. One of the best ways in learning how to talk dirty is to say your dirty phrases while you are alone in the car or bathroom in front of the mirror. This gets you use to hearing your own voice and will make you much more at ease when you want surprise your partner with a little dirty talk!

Talking Dirty Tips --- http://bit.ly/Guide-to-talk-dirty

xzibirxzibirover 9 years ago
So true

German being my native tongue as well, I can only vigorously nod in agreement, German is a terrible language when it comes to sex. Dirty talk and even casual talk about sex must be either of very limited vocabulary or very silly. Genitalia for example: I don't know a single german word for pussy that isn't ridiculous or vulgar in a not-sexy way: "Muschi" (which is the direct translation of pussy I guess) makes me think of lonely old ladies talking to their cats, "Fotze" (even worse Votze) is so harsh and insulting, makes me think of an Ugly German spitting out the word for "down there". "Möse" is okay I guess but still sounds kinda silly.

A lot of the really stupid wannabe-dirty phrases in German seem to come directly from the shitty (as in aweful, not as in Scheisse) porn movies available in Germany. Not only the porn flicks from Germany but even foreign movies are re-dubbed by silly actors that exchange moaning and bizarre statements of the obvious ("Ja, steck mir deinen Schwanz tief in die Fotze. Deine Fickstange fühlt sich so geil an." -- "Yes, stick your dick deep into my cunt. Your fuck stick makes me so horny" see how much better, though still very silly, that sounds in English?).

Anyway, thanks for sharing, made my day.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
German yay

German dirty talk really turns me on. Even the language itself does. I like how Germans pronounce the 'e' at the end of words like Liebe, Stufe, Küsse... I also love the sound of words like mir and dir. German is a beautiful language. Vernaschen is awesome

tiscondenttiscondentover 8 years ago
I like the ending

It made me smile :)

Anonymous
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