All Comments on 'Pussy Pleasures'

The story itself was fun and well-written, but the dialog was painfully artificial. For example, can you really imagine a 19-year old girl saying, "I'm sorry I caught hold of your penis, but that's what my hand touched first." or "...you are rubbing my vagina and clitoris so exquisitely that I could stay here forever." When writing dialog, try to imagine yourself (or someone you know) saying the things that you're writing under the circumstances.

Could have been better, A LOT better! There was simply no call for her giving her first blow job, as normally girls are giving blow jobs before they are fucking. And as both were nude in the hot tub it would only seem natural that they would be fucking in the warm water. This story had the means to be erotic, but it looked like the porn police were watching you write it up.

A 19-y.o. girl that gives a blow job? Do you realize that a lot of 19-y.o. girls are Mommies 2 and sometimes 3 different times?

I got the impression that English isn't your first language, or that this story was translated from another language. I agree with the other comments, the dialogue was stilted and although the premise was interesting, the execution was choppy. A little more descriptive character development would've gone a long way too.

It maybe needed a little more introduction and a little more buildup... but the story was hot and made me wet and juicy so thats good, right.

good story...enjoyed it .....

OK BUT WIERD...SO FORMAL, SO MATTER OF FACT, POTENTIAL FOR GOOD STORY BUT, NO FLOW, NO HEART.

I agree with the first comment. It is an awesome fantasy, but it felt like it was being written by a computer, or Steve Martin and Dan Akroyd doing their "Wild and Crazy Guys" routine on SNL (...so that we can fondle your big American breasts...do you enjoy our bulges in our tight pants?...). Anyway, not to criticize too much, but relax a little in your writing! Good descriptions though, I could picture every moment! And was hard just a few paragraphs into it!

Stiff, unnatural dialogue needs work. Give us some suspense, I knew the entire plot in one paragraph.

I would love to hear about the rest of the weekend

Gery Love

Great story--hope you can "keep it up."