by plethora68
You are at the same level as a writer as I am. That means that you need work. The story is a continuous I did this and she said that.
What I try to do is once I have written my story and it full of "I" and "he" I read it again and try to remove them.
Finally I liked the first half of the story, that is the build up to the actual meeting and not so much the descriptions of the sexual acts themselves.
I hope my comments help and keep writing!