by SweetPrettyAss
You definitely have a raw talent for erotica, but I think you need to bang out a few more stories to really sharpen your craft. No doubt, you are a very arousing, titilating writer.
My two biggest complaints: Don't make the entire text italicized; I suspect you actually didn't mean that. Second, the term "fun hole" was just too distracting for me.
I really enjoyed this! Well told, and super erotic!
Great job!
As he is a critic.
I really don't recall his work though
This should not have appeared in italics. I didn't write it that way and I didn't mean to post it that way.
Is as arousing as watching her in the flesh. I liked how you included the sensuousness of the coarse hay and soft cotton of the quilt. However, "fun hole" was a bit abrasive, but it didn't matter because I'm such a tactile freak so this was an extremely hot read. Good job, keep writing!
Good story. Believable and very arousing. Why do I get the feeling Naomi's gonna be in another story and get caught in the barn? Well, at least I can hope.
I thought this was really hot. I liked her innocence. I also thought the term "fun hole" was a turn-on. I would love to fuck her fun hole.
I also thought that it was great that she made it a point to get completely naked, as that is something I do as well.
It got me hard; can't ask for more than that. I too pinch (for lack of a better word) my wife's clit. It's assuring to find out some girls fantasize about it. Only bad part was "fun hole".
I loved the story; it made me think of my earliest experiments with masturbation and they were pretty innocent, too. I thought funhole a word that an innocent country girl might come up with for her pussy.
I think that some instruction in the form of a nasty older man (maybe Daddy?) would be extremely hot to add to future stories.
Great work!
very sweet. New member here and I am enjoying very much. I like the the push and pull of the innocence of your character. She is both sweet and dirty at the same time
Other commenters complained about your use of 'fun hole.' But what else is it? For a farm girl with no carnal knowledge, 'fun hole' is as likely as any other term.
I thought it was a great story.
That was one hot story! I sure would have liked to have been a fly on the wall. Or, rather the guy she will finally meet, and marry. WOW!!!!!