All Comments on 'Not So Innocent Anymore'

not to bad but all a little to fast. i cant see a sister ever being that easy to have. or to act like that, before any sex.

It was great in the begining, and I really think you could have carried on the uncertainty and made it into more like a love story before they actually had sex...

I loved this story! The only thing I would have done is make a little bit longer. But all in all, it was awesome! GOOD JOB!

Yummee !!!!

Oh that this would have happened to me.

The story leaves you hanging. There is something also missing in the first part...things are too fast....and at the end, there should have been a continuation of some sort.

not too long, half of them take ages before the characters actually fuck, loved it

if you ever fuck a virgin you would know your mouth would

be full of blood, and she would be to sore to want to be fuck again so soon after you break her hymen

you guys are retarded. although the story is short and doesn't give you too much detail of the history of the brother and sister, [which i don't mind], if you're a girl, and happen to be a virgin, and a teenager, then his sister is acting the right way. all girls in their teenage years dream of nothing more than wanting to be fucked as hard as possible. even though this story had incest it was pretty fucken hot. i loved it.

You people are too critical. If you want to read a love story, then buy a Danielle Steel book. If you want to read about sex, then this is a good story. None of you are published authors, so you need to shut up about the author's style and blah blah blah.

i loved it thats how i experienced it and the only thing is that i agree with the person at the top you know you would have blood in your mouth after taking a girls virginity.

He was gratuitously rough with her. Any dude with common sense isn't gonna fuck his virgin sis so roughly and risk turning her off to the whole thing. If she wants him rough, she'll tell him in due course. But having a regular fuck who lives under the same roof, and parents who go away for weekends, is a dream. Why not be sweet and tender with her -- always?

The story line was good, I wish he would have taken his time writing this, he could have expanded a lot on the lust in their hearts. He could have drawn it out a lot more and made this into several parts.

I liked the way u gave history of their fantasies. good one

You are very good at this, Hawk. Let's have more. Maybe not the same characters, since that can get old--unless the brother brings a few friends over to entertain his sister...or they go to a sex party, or...?

It was only fiction fools, dont get caught up on practicalitites too much!!!

plus it isn't meant to be a love story so dont judge it like one! good work dark

he was so rough it seemed unrealistic, cause she still wanted more. she's not gonna start cryin then beg 4 more

WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT HOW CORRECT THIS STORY IS ITS FUCKIN HOT

Dark, that was a good story. The character development was there, although I think a little more development of the sister was in order. Since your point of view is not inclusive of the interior thoughts of Lis, just a little more experience with her or perhaps a reminiscence of another experience, perhaps some dialogue before the movie or on a separate day.

The movie scene was great, although the build to the blow job was a little sudden. The jump from I have never seen one before to suck me sis seems a little too fast. Draw it out a little more and savour the build up of energy. Same thing with the first sexual encounter. It feels a little rushing to the goal. At the same time, it is a second encounter so that can catalyze the whole plot. Not every dance is a slow dance, but seeing one can be worth it when done well.

Finally, there is little denouement. This left me feeling hanging like the sex is over so there is nothing more to the story. I am not suggesting a snuggle, commitment, or declaration of life long love. Consider that there is a rich transition in point of view here after having sex with a person for the first time. Not just in incest writing, even a wham bam one night stand - after the event there is the release of desire, perhaps the person even no longer seems attractive, or one feels used.

You cursorily addressed this in the sisters questions did not give them enough credence in the interior monologue of the brother, if I can hear his thoughts give some richness. You can consider: How do they feel? , will they do it again? , etc... And leave your reader hanging, that's great. Just be careful not to leave your reader in the lurch. This cutoff was a touch to quick and thusly ... but a little polish and this could be one of the finest stories I have read here in quite a while. Your work does show good mastery creating the scene and setting the stage. I would love to see this rewritten and extended... but above all keep writing!

"Dude, it would be so hot if you bring the parents into the picture. Say, just after brother and sister enjoyed the aftermath of their first great fuck, the parents walk in on them and have a holy fit. Then when the kids think they are going to be grounded, the parents say what the hell and join in. Make mother totally rape her son and father do the same to his daughter till everybody is having a screaming orgasm. That would be a hot family orgy."

it was a great story. whoever said that because she was a virgin you'd have blood in your mouth, thats not true. she could have easily torn her hymen before. lots of girls do it.. i didnt bleed the first time, but it still hurt. anyway. loved it

I think this story would have been better if they were step siblings instead of full blooded siblings. Step sibling are not blood related and therefore not considered incest. This is the first that I heard of an actual brother getting it on with his sister.

I have 3 sisters of my own, of course they are all as of age. I have a sister who is swimsuit/lingerie model who is hot, but I manage to control my hormones and desires. So I did it with one of her friends instead.

this is a good read it has just enough innocents and yet is public.

I would give anything to be fucked by my brother

well now she's pregnant

Fantastic story :]

[And as for the 'Now shes pregnant' comment... LMFAO]

dude im not a fan of incest and all but this shit was epic bro keep it up..

lmfao :D

this was an awesome story...

almost made me orgasm myself... O.O

That was a very hot story! Wish i had a hot sister that wanted me to fuck her like that.

Good work, Comrade!

Nicely done- I don't have a brother but now I want one.

Fuck tht was so hot

Just what I needed

I liked the story, but was disturbed & wished that it wasn't a real brother & sister the whole time reading it. ( step siblings?, or best friends little sister ? ) couldn't get past the level of "wrong". Other then that, I found it very steamy & interesting.

no guy that had the problems he did with their sister would ever fuck her for any reason. it would be more likely that he would have ignored and avoided her for life. keep it out of the twilight zone.

I was disappointed at the end in the way the character was so rough with his loving sister. He should have been gentler, slower and started with his mouth. This was almost a rape, not the way to introduce a young woman to sex. The 1st time influences how a woman feels about sex, often for her whole life.

Poor grammar, missing quotes, other mechanics all a mess and it reads like it was written by a middle schooler. It’s amazing the author can read much less write. Awful tripe.

And notice the absurd tags... like threw towel is going to be the phrase that people search for!

For once a description of a tall slender raven. Appreciated. So sick of the busty big-assed blondes

You started our with such potential, then at about the half way point you seemed to decide to end the story quickly. You put in the requisite intercourse and called it good. Based on the beginning I know you can do better.

1) This was not a massage story, despite the subtitle.

2) "Take me now. I want to feel you inside me." Totally cliche dialogue, and not likely to be said by a virgin.

3) There was very little build-up, no foreplay, just things being plunged in. The actual sex was very rushed through.

This story does not deserve to be on the "top read" leaderboard.

This story is a massage story. Its straight up a story about taking your sister's virginity. You started out with anticipation, but then went flat. So next time stick to your theme before you get into the crime.