All Comments on 'Bee Mine'

I liked the way you showed the uncertainty of the first time. Well written. Good luck in the contest.

I liked how it was written as an expression of what she was feeling, not like as it was happening. Of course I've always been a sucker for Dear Diary stories. Like you're reading something you weren't meant to see. Nice. MJL

I enjoyed the txt spk gag at the beginning - I feel exactly like that when people txt spk me. But when you got to the love making... wow! That sizzles, ma'am!

Most excellent.

Very tender and delicate, executed with great skill and profound psychological insight. A story to savour. Good luck in the contest.

I enjoyed your frankness in writing about your embarrassment. Why haven’t I read this in a story yet? I felt your description of this feeling of embarrassment over how you would look to an outsider to be refreshing and natural in comparison to the oh so many, “I am so hot” descriptions of lovemaking normally used.

Good Luck

Sometimes getting dumped by a guy named Tony can be a good thing. This story only gets hotter from that point on. Terrific Read!

of a f/f first time. Emotional and tender. Good luck in the contest.

Yes darling and now you know your one too!

Why did she leave while her new lover slept? Sequel please!

I enjoyed it - well written. Good luck with the contest.

Real, moving, sweet, sexy... and mmmmmmmm... so hot! *sigh* Are you perfect? :)

I enjoyed this story but I would have liked more dialogue between the two.

Perhaps that will come on the next encounter? There has to be another encounter, doesn't there?

jeanne_d_artois aka Og

hm, i thought i had voted and commented already, but can't find a comment by me, so maybe i didn't - so again, just to make sure you get a vote from me.

But this one is superb. Beautifully written, beautifully expressed, marvelously takes us into the newness of her new love. Bravo, girl.

mismused

I agree, the focus is on her feelings and I think the category choice works because of it.

A very intense and well-written scene, with an aura of honesty and extremely erotic. Like some others, I'd be interested in seeing what you did with a sequel...but I think I'd like to see it from a more action perspective...maybe even third person omni.

It purports to be a diary entry, and doesn't read like that at all, reads more like what it is - a story for an erotic site. Would she really start off a diary entry with several pars about the dumping when her main focus is on the sexual experience? I would expect more something like "Dear Diary, That git Tony dumped me today - by TEXT, the louse! But who cares, because something wonderful happened" and then launch straight into the experience.

Also I'd expect more discussion of her emotions about the act rather than a blow by blow description of the act.

So, nice story, but not a diary entry.

A lovely story - a hetero guy here.