by afunluvinscot
Man that was one of the hottest stories I have read on this website! Keep them cumming!
Your story had plenty of potential, but there were too many inconsistencies for a thorough entertaining ready. The sister in law was Holly for part of the story and Linda for the rest, and there were a few poorly spelt words. Other than that, the story was good but could've used more detail in imagery and more of a seduction. Keep writing as this could be excellent with a few minor changes.
Had potential, but you are a terrible writer. Try harder or try something else.
Story had a good premise, but it is confusing when the same person had 2 names. Also proofread better for grammer or get someone to help you.
I liked the premise, but never got to know the characters. The fact that you kept bouncing from name to name caused great confusion and detracted from the experience. You seriously need someone to proofread your submissions. This website is not just about "push, push, 'O, God, I'm cummmmmming!'" The premise is that the erotica is also literate. Your need work, and a proofer or editor could be a big help.
Try to enlist an editor, and use spellcheck....cool subject, do it again....
I had to cut-paste-edit this story to get the Holly / Linda thing straight. Could be really good if you cleaned it up.
liked the story, but come on, edit it. it reads like you were jerking off while typing.
who is it Holly or Linda? Why do you keep switching the characters name?
That story made me so horney I will go fuck my wife like never before
not a bad story, but find a decent editor to run through it. Is her name Linda or Holly? Lots of simple grammatical errors that completely take your reader out of the moment. Fix 'em, and you'll be better off...
There's no way a woman will suck a cock that just came out of her ass, and I wouldn't blame her one bit. The same applies for vaginal sex since she could end up with some nasty STD.
All you have to do is watch your grammar and decide if his sister-in-law's name is Linda or Holly, that is if they are twins and the husband keeps mixing them up or that is her first and middle or home name. All this aside, if you do decide to come back, I wouldn't mind reading a sequel where the threesome happens.
Get the name of sister in law right first holly then Linda then holly then linda