by anaffairtoremember
Watch your grammar, spelling, punctuation, all detract from reading pleasure.
I, you, he, she....pick a person and go with it!! It's very distracting to read a story when the tense and person jumps all around.
...learn from it and get an editor to help you. Behind the grammatical problems lies a fervently erotic mind.
Then get a better storyline that has something clever, original or interesting in it. Because this was just bad.