by oregon_gal
Those first five lines are quite good. This could be a wonderful poem if you watched the cliches. On my browser, it's double spaced, which makes it seem too long. How about breaking it into strophes?
I really liked this poem a lot. Beautiful imagery and a wonderfully intimate sensuality. It is the kind of poem that makes the reader wish it had been written for him. I also like the strong presence of nature in the poem — I can really feel it pressing in on all sides with its great quietness. In short I loved it. Why not record it and add it to the recordings thread?
On my browser it also double spaced, making the poem longer than need be. Also making me bored. Short, sweet and to the point is better.