All Comments on 'An Act of Love'

by lionshell

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AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
hmm...

Sure women like to make love. But if we haven't found the "one..." we have sex because we like it and not because we are looking for intimacy or a connection with somebody else. We get horny, we have intercourse and we DO want that orgasm! We do love the penetration, darling, that's why we masturbate if we don't have "one" readily available - and I promise you, we do NOT cuddle with the vibrator after we finish...

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
Thank you for your thoughtful and loving obser-

vations. As a man, of a 'certain age' I would hasten to add that while genitals function as 'triggers' it is the mind that rules . . . but would add that the heart and soul play a role as well. C. Jung remarked about gender differences 'blurring' at a certain age; he was talking physical differences. I am there and while I remain quintessentially responsive to Women--seeing the Goddess--in all of them regardless of race, creed, whatever. I do now see that my near life-long homophobia is gone . . . crushed beneath our merely human need to be acknowledged, touched, held and loved. In the end we all stand before G(g)od as persons exclusive of our differences.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
Response to 'hmm...'

Speak for yourself before you speak for other women. There's casual sex and then there's intimate sex. What you're talking about is casual sex, but I think humans have the capacity to really love more than just one person. The idea of "the one" is something that comes to us out of fairy tales and fiction like Jane Austen, it's not true to real life.

fifty5fifty5almost 17 years ago
"Making love" versus "having sex"

That's a thought provoking article, Lion - and on the offchance that you'd be interested in the thoughts it provokes, here are mine...

You use at least three different phrases: "making love", "having sex" and "intercourse", but - at least for me - they aren't quite synonymous.

First, "intercourse" - well, there's sexual intercourse and social intercourse. It's usually obvious from the context which of those is intended in a specific case, but the potential for ambiguity is self evident.

Next, "making love" - a century ago, that usually meant simply talking, and I think, as one end of the spectrum, that's still valid. My own take is that this phrase covers virtually every intimate interaction that leads towards (whether it actually gets to that point or not) having kids (or the equivalent in a congruent relationship that precludes actual procreation: IMHO, gay men, lesbians, the infertile and the impotent can all still make love).

Finally, "having sex" - to me that implies going for an orgasm, though bad sex may not be successful in that aim (and even if it doesn't get there, it might still still be counted as good sex by those involved). The precise bodily organs aren't a criterion: to me, oral sex, finger-fucking or a hand job, along with penitration, (or if she cums from having her niples sucked) all count as having sex - the aim (whether successful or not) is to make someone cum. Even masturbation is sex: with oneself. IMHO, if the aim isn't one or more orgasms, that's just heavy petting, fooling around, or, of course (see above), making love.

Bob Clinton - or you - may disagree, but that's my take on the subject.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
Reality Check

I've been dating the girl I'm currently with for almost 8 months now and I love her to death, but what you're describing is just fairy tale sex. Yes, there are those nights of romantic sex where the mood is perfect, the two of you are having fun, loving each other, whatever, but that's the only time your article applies. The majority of sex two people in a relationship have is "casual sex." The point of casual sex is orgasm and pleasure, regardless of whether or not you want to admit that. Otherwise why take out genitals at all to not really finish what you started?

And where do all these rumors come from about women never being able to achieve orgasm through intercourse? I myself don't have a vagina, but I've never had a problem making a girl orgasm with my penis. I've been told that, when a woman orgasms, it feels nice for the vagina to have something "to wrap around," so to speak. Regardless, it's an interesting essay, just horribly out of touch with reality. It's just another fantasy of a woman who wishes her life were a constant romance movie.

ProfWriterProfWriteralmost 17 years ago
Well thought out and real

Love and intimacy are as important as just plain old sex. As we get older (I am older) the love and intimacy and cuddling play an even more important role. If sex were just an act of penetration and orgasm than we would be wasting our time on clothes, perfume, and all of the other accoutrements of our relationships. Remember, dogs have sex, we can make love if we want. PW

elfin_odalisqueelfin_odalisquealmost 17 years ago
Etymologically speaking...

'Having sex' is a vague euphemism for coitus, as are 'going to bed with', 'making love to/with', 'taking a lover' or biblically, 'knowing' or 'lying with'. Shakespeare called it 'country matters' (pun) and even 'intercourse' is a euphemism.

It started life meaning vaginal penetration by a penis but now seems to have morphed into any act of penetrative sex - oral, anal or tribadism.

There are lots of words that cover activities like kissing, cuddling, snuggling, petting - even 'making out' - but this is not 'having sex'. Originally, and correctly, only women could have orgasms whilst men climaxed. With the passage of time the two words have become synonyms.

Other than saying you don't like certain words and an act of love can be many things, I can't see your point really.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
Casual Sex after 8 months?

I think casual sex is generally understood to be sex with someone who you don't love, but only feel affection for or attraction to. I would find it confussing to hear someone say they loved me to death and be with them for 8 months and call it casual sex. If you mean routine perfunctory sex just to get off sometimes, that's a given in LTR, but I wouldn't use the term casual sex. That's confussing.

The essay was ok. I sometimes read an article or something and try to think of "my number" and counting is tricky when petting gets very heavy without actual "mating".

AnonymousAnonymousover 14 years ago
Thought-provoking

This is an excellent discussion of a very intricate concept, which is clearly discernible from the comments you have received. Personally I think that most kissing <i>is</i> sex, unless it's the kind of kiss you give your aunt, or the chic air-kiss that makes no contact. I totally agree with your discussion of the word, "foreplay" which presumes that 90 percent of sexual contact is simply a prelude to penetration. I think you've done a great job of this, but isn't it interesting how many differing opinions have already been expressed!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 13 years ago
again, beautiful.

another beautiful essay! and i agree - whatever sex you have, if it's with a partner that you love, then it is always meaningful: whether it is soft and romantic, faster and more frantic or even in a way 'casual'.. it should always be special and for me it is definitely always more than just 'intercourse' and it is not about the orgasm. and for me understanding that has made every sexual encounter between me and my girlfriend perfect. because like you say in another essay - it's about communication and it's about love! And that starts from my girlfriend looking me in the eyes and kissing me, hugging me when i open the front door, stroking my cheek, holding my hand, running her fingers along my neck,.. right through to lying naked in bed holding each other close. and while i don't believe that love can be quite the movie fairytale - because life is just more unpredictabl and more complicated - yes, love and sex can be perfect. when you feel utterly and completely appreciated and cared for and relaxed, regardless of what exactly happens. and if that's your attitude and you're in it with your heart - then you don't even have to ask about definitions of sex.

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