All Comments on 'Lucille'

He lightly touched a woman in a bar, something both of them had done at parties. He walked her to his room and let her in. They never kissed, touched, fondled, or consumated. He led the woman to think he would be she was a slut for what she did to her man and didnt really matter one way or the other what she felt or thought. From what the wife was saying, she probably had sex with her guy in one form or another. So exactly what is the husband guilty of thinking of playing with a slut toy? I am sure at parties both of them had already had those thoughts. You might want to rewrite this one.

To the previous anonymous poster - did we read the same story??? It seems you need to read the story slowly because you didn't understand it one bit. No, he was not unfaithful with the woman he picked up at the bar, but he was tempted. That's the reason why he took her to his room. He didn't treat her like a slut, she did that all by herself. She told him she wanted to have a good time, and though she had just met him, she readily agree to go with him to his room. Pushing her out of the room was a sign of self-preservation. Also nowhere in the story does it hint or say that his wife had been unfaithful with the neighbor, so I was baffled by that comment. Again, did we read the same story???

I liked this story. The writing was easy to read - it flowed beautifully. That being said, I'm not sure that any wife who feels old and exhausted of taking care of 4 kids, feeding them, cleaning the house, more chores, more chores etc. would stop just because her husband told her "you took a fine time to leave me with 4 hungry children and a crop in the field (so the timing was wrong?? Could she go out and party lets say Labor weekend? And did he just want the housekeeper and caretaker?). I must admit that I am not a Kenny Rogers' fan, so I don't know this song. But any man that wants to tell his wife to please come home - to not leave him, and to stop what she was about to do, he better not tell her "the children are hungry and there's a crop in the field..." But I guess that's not the point of the story.

sadness for the other. Very nicely done. Thanks for writing so well. Phil

Very original, and somewhat lighthearted. Just what I needed this morning. By all means finish the story about Ruby.

and why was she angry at you for catching her.see here where the problem for me comes in.hubby a little to wimpy and trying so hard to keep his marriage,is their a marriage.what cause the kissing or just one time or many times.hubby just to wimpy.

It's funny how songs will bring some face to face with passions. I've always thought about some of the songs sung by Kenny Rogers and others. Always there seems to be some truth behind what your hearing in the lyrics to those songs.

I think that your efforts JakeRivers, are well done and very well thought out. Not too mushy, yet enough passion showed up to see the way two marriages could go.

I liked this story.

Jake, on a sad song. At least your take on it brought a little happiness to one couple. Wonder whatever happened to Lucille? Thank You. Ronnie W.

I could not tell how long it took you to write this one, but it felt rushed to me; here is why: <P>

1. As one commenter pointed out it is briefly mentioned in passing that the couple was escalating their fighting for a week after she got caught allowing a neighbor free access to her breasts and heavy kissing. On what standing did she feel she could have any grounds to be upset or argue? How did she move from that mode to full remorse? What led in their lives to the first stage, then to the second (her remorse)? We know nothing about this couple. Just from the very little you did provide, it looks like she went to great length to provoke him and perhaps get caught, namely a lot of crap was not coming out in this relationship other wise and needed a good crisis to force it out What crap? Not a hint. <P>

2. The husband’s character just seemed to be too kind and nice and conscientious at all times (maybe that’s what drove his wife nuts!) to be believable for the role you assigned him to. I would have thrown the wife out just for her gull to stand up and argue (mauling breasts isn’t sexual relations now?) rather then going down on her knees and begging forgiveness from moment one. So from the get go I would not be too worried (If I were the wife) that hubbby is any harm. After a week of incredible counter arguing (for the merit of cheating perhaps???) she probably figured that the target (said hubby) is softened enough to bring on the water works and the ‘sorry façade’ (those stages come and go arbitrarily, with no explaining).<P>

So I could not buy that THIS husband could have actually done what he thinks he would have done (see his behavior throughout the preceding week), nor could I see any equivalency, as the wife very briefly mumbled - he would never have even dared to talk alone with another woman (Oh my god!) had she (the wife) had not got down and dirty with Mr. foreigner. And bottom line - left for his device - he, unlike his wife, DID NOTHING WRONG. SO ALMOST –DOES NOT COUNT Even though he could have argued to be wishing to equalize the balance. Was that Mr. “Cricket”- the husband of the failed seductress with his lyrics of the song which stopped him? or else his conscience would have ticked him some other way, we’d never know. I vote for the latter. Mind you, in real life people are usually judged for their actions not for what they might have done. But if we insist on doing the “ALMOST” game we can’t stop it with the husband, can’t we? Had the husband not interfered, how far do we think would the wife gone? How about all the way? Without the mental set up of the husband which pre disposed him to gear towards loyalty –she was essentially the opposite.

3. The lyrics –as another commenter pointed out seemed as if they were sawn to the husband. I imagined a text bubble (like in the cartoons), when he was supposedly making his plea. In my opinion, you should not have felt obliged to stick to the lyrical nature of the poem. Conveying the spirit of it in prose would have sent the same message -only more credibly per the prose medium. <P>

Sorry about this one; I have no doubt that if you took back this story and re worked the couples characters so that they seem less skeletal and more real the rest would have fallen to place.

But all details of any story are not known to anyone.. The highlights, yes.. Here you get more cuz he is a participant but even he doesn't know everything.. Good story and very definitely goes in line with the song.. A good narration.. Odd, as soon as I saw the name, I thought of the song.. With my poor hearing I had the words wrong, though.. You're correct, it's a sad song, very sad.

I drew my comments from within the information the story have provided. When, IMO, plot developments (such as the husband’s presumably potential bad behavior) were inconsistent with prior information (like the husband’s week long fighting with a defiant wife) I pointed it out. Same goes with the language of poem implanted into a prose. With more information unexplained inconsistencies could have been settled. But this is not a case where I was just asking for extra information where it was not called for. If there were no apparent inconsistencies I would have been happy with a story of any length or brevity. <P>

A non sequester. My comments on this story aside, I think this author knows how I feel about his talents as an author and will easily tolerate the sincere comments of one reader.

Some readers get it some don't. We are all and I do mean all of us are flawed people. We all make mistakes, some worse than others. Sometimes if we can get around or through those mistakes we can continue on with our loved ones. Other times the mistakes are more than we or our spouses can handle, in which case our relationship ends.

Life is never the same after mistakes have been made, but it's the couples who are the ones who have to deal with it. I guarantee everyone won't deal with it the same.

Now, saying that, It's a story. A very good and well written one. This author deserves a five for his effors and giving us quality writing. For those who think a 2 or 3 is fair should try writing and let the rest of us vote on your story.

I'm posting anonymous. I get enough bad reviews on my own stories. Jake, I think you know who I am. Great Job Friend.

Good story Jake Rivers

What in the name of common sense good judgment or any knowledge based driven assessment could be the merit of this self serving comment?

How on earth could a comment which does NOT take any time or effort to prove any point (none in particular is actually being made) be somehow MORE respectful of the author than one which DOES all the above?

The argument, get this: I am giving the author a 100 for his effort; how demeaning can you be! For an effort you can give 25 and if there was less that’s what I would choose. If you give 100 for an effort –what do you give for a story that you moderately like, or better yet one that you are crazy about? Are author’s such fragile feeble minded creatures as they seem to be according to the treatment you recommend to give them, so that they can not handle truthful and respectful opinions? <P>

As it happens, I like this author’s writing very much. By investing time and thought and by writing in details I am doing my part –unlike you. Plus I leave a contact option so there is an open line of communication, which occasionally is being put to use. If this author were a rooky I would have reacted to this story in a very different way. But this one is a seasoned capable one should readers talk to him as if he just entered K-1? <P>

How shallow can you be if you blame your bad reviews on the readers? How about an honest look at yourself. And how shallow can you be if you dismiss any merit of a content not by examining it but by alluding to irrelevant facts such as the reviewers own story writing experience. What are you hiding from my pal? How and where did I not understand the story? How was your understanding of the story: A. different B. ‘better’ than mine? Respond to substance or stop throwing sand into the eyes of readers. They are not as dumb as you seem to think that every one is. <P>

IMO, All reviews should always be respectful AND specific, but most importantly they should be honest. Your preposterous suggestion would all but obliterate the voting system. To have it your way all that will remain is a format a - la Soviet System of voting. OPTION ONE: ‘I love this story’; or: ‘I am for this story’ OPTION TWO: ‘I am against this story’; or: ‘I prefer not to vote’. Good luck with your private time machine traveling back to the USSR; I am afraid you’ll be alone there.

Interesting to try to write in around these ballads... cudos.

We all are flawed, as another poster wrote. I also agree with you the intent to cheat is the same as being able to follow through. However, by intent I mean the intent to follow thrugh but to be only stopped by outside circumstances. IN the end, to me, your main character did not intend to cheat, not really, though he came close no cigar. I do not believe the wife did either, though both came so very close to the edge. You did a fine job of showing our weaknesses and, in the end, a courage to forgive and move on. Well done.

They BOTH cheated on their spouses and, frankly, didn't leave us with any firm indication they wouldn't go that far in the future.

I am of the age to have loved this song and the other, "Ruby, don't take your love to town." In this story, it's quite apparent that the wife was cheating as she hid from her husband and the other people by going to the upper and dim-lit pool. Only her husband managed to stop her.

Her husband meant to cheat as well and only stopped because he remembered the Mountain of a man being humuliated by his wife. He couldn't go through with it but had full intentions of doing so when he took her to his room.

As to whether or not they got it out of their systems for good, that is pure speculation on the reader's part. It would seem that almost getting to it but not actually completing the act is "Not" cheating to a lot of readers. I personally disagree because giving of yourself to someone other than your spouse does not pass the husband or wife test. Otherwise why hide from your spouse's sight! Maybe because one knows that it is a betrayal and would cause hurt?

That it is normal and natural to want something greener on the other side of the fence? That is all too human and is prevalent in all relationships at times. Yes, I think people can learn and benefit from such mistakes. Of course it will change their relationship, but the fact that neither went all the way makes it easier to reconcile and stay together for their family.

But we all seem to think differently about such things at different ages in our life and realize that my opinion is after all just an opinion. I don't think we need anymore on this, as the original song covered it well if you had heard it.

but what if he's not there to stop her the next time?

FINALLY, a story where the spouse actually performs coitus interruptis before the cheating gets too far along. Him seeing her top off and doing something about it there and then instead of walking off sulking and later gathering video or audio evidence for a divorce that might have been nipped in the bud is a refreshing approach.

Yep they both cheated - no argument - they betrayed the trust of the their spouse - excuses and explanations be damned - it is what it is.

BUT - if we accept your story as it is they both knew they were wrong and they both learned what was needed to avoid it happening again - they were careless and negligent - she maybe worse because she discounted her mates feelings and opinions just like the Lucille character. But he is not an innocent and came far to close to finishing what he started.

We are far too human to never make a mistake and they both had reason to understand the other persons failure - good luck to them.

Five stars. Very poignant.

So why did she do what she did in the pool? That was not flirting. He was sucking on her tits and I am sure if not caught she would be giving him a blow job.

What she did goes way beyond what he did. They should not get back together again until they work this out with a professional. Maybe no divorce right away but they need to get help.

Every single story I read from this dude just makes me laugh at how weak he is. Either that or this is a classic gender fake like that February Sucks author. Yeah George is definitely a woman. It's been proven by others. Oh and her BFF doesn't live on an island. There are a lot of liars here.

Cute story

Carl was sucking on the bitch's breast....so was there no further consequence of his actions?

Stupid CUCK MC should get the slut wife to sign a post-nuptial

What a bitch you are Lucille.

Lucille had mental problems. Jeff and Mary need counseling. I assume liquor was involved for her to do something so stupid as if Jed would not go looking for her. She and the asshole were well on top of second base. Maybe not divorce worthy on is own but would be one hell of an argument maybe a short separation, and thr fighting should be mostly one sided. But wow Jed. After seeing her husband break down, you still took Lucille to your room? You have serious issues. Mary is in denial. It isn't just b ecsuse of what happened in the pool with the asshole, their marriage has deeper issues. Get counseling. Get help. Don't paper over this. Talk it out. Communicate. Share. Apologize.