All Comments on 'A Beginner's Guide to Spanking Her'

As one interested in exploring being spanked, and dominated to a certain degree, it had some very good comments/suggestions for how to get started. Trust is of the utmost importance, as is having a safe word.....and NO should always mean NO

Safe, Sane, and Consensual. I do understand that those words dont mean the same to all, and each puts their own interpretation on them, but if the dom/sub are in agreement with what they mean to them it is consensual. The comments on brutality are very important. Some doms arent really doms at all, just overgrown children that fail to take care of their toys and wind up damaging or destroying them. A rational person does not damage or destroy their own property. As a dom for a period of time you "own" a sub, the sub is your property, to damage or destroy that property shows you are not rational and not a dom at all. There is a lot of space between punishment, sadism, and damage. We always walk the line. What is more difficult for the some doms is the realization, concept, that it is not your pleasure or needs that are being met in a bdsm relationship but those of the sub who need to be met and satisfied. The sub is submissive to you, for you to provide what the sub needs to be met or pleasure received, if you do anything else you are failing as a dom, and have failed your sub completely. The concept topped from the bottom may occur to some of you, and that is partially true. But their is also the other side of the question, one that is stated what if you gave a party and no one came. How can one be if dom if no sub is there to dominate. Myself I am one of the lucky ones I live 24/7 with a submissive that is a pleassure slave. It is what she wants to be not what I want her to be. It is who she is, as the dominate master, I am the one she has bestowed this submission to for life. Interesting concept the sub selecting their own dom. And even more interesting when the sub submits to a dom who wants that sub. So much fun when a girls bottom is all pink and rosy or even in some cases red, especially with a hand imprint when going out. You I enjoy hand spankings, not canes, paddles, or whips. And yes it is possible to use those items and not brutilize your sub, yes I have done that, I just prefer the hand on a bare bottom.

I wish to apologize to everyone who had to trudge through reading this essay. I write all my essays in Microsoft Word with the paragraph spacing built in. I typically go back and add the carriage returns to ensure that the proper spacing is applied when it publishes. This time it completely escaped me and thus when it published it had no spacing which makes it a very difficult read.

If you send me an e-mail I will send you a pdf version of this post with the proper spacing. To err is human; to do it twice would be a sign of stupidity. I hope that this will be the only time I do something like this.

I've long wished to be 'taken in hand'. I'm in the beginning of a relationship that will (hopefully) lead to successful scenes and I appreciate the guidance.

from most of the BDSM stories on this site. The Dom(Domme)/Sub relationship is an agreement of trust not what you would call the Master/Slave little different that actual slavery practiced today in the Middle East and Africa or the slavery of a hundred and fifty years or more in the past.

A sane sane relationship would leave some authors having to write rather than elements not seen in a normal society.

As A trained Dom but preferred sub, i thoroughly enjoyed and appreciated this.

I'm currently with a master who is discovering himself, and recently i had to shed my 'know-it-all' attitude and realise he was teaching me about myself as well.

His experience is limited, but he does understand the trilogy of safe, sane and consensual. Most of our play revolves around non-consensual and my misbehaviour (can't help it, i keep getting into trouble) and he gives me a great deal of leeway until it gets overbearing (probably 5 minutes after i start heh heh) and then administers a suitable punishment, from no talking, to no touching, to spanking, to having multiple orgasms until the point of exhaustion, he is for lack of a better word a 'brutal' yet caring master... this will assist him even more. Thank you so much... Kitty

My boyfriend and I are starting to experiment with this. The only differnece is, my boyfriend is the one who wants to be dominated. I don't have a problem with this, I am even excited by it. I have a few problems though. I have always been a shy person. I have a hard time expressing myself verbally and often don't know where or how to start my dominaion. Do you have any advice.

Great stuff., My lady does not want to be spanked but I do. Love to find a how to for the ladies that have a guy that wants to feel the sting

That was lovely. As a submissive, all I can say is the entire thing was spot on, and captured, at least in my own case, what I've felt before, during and after a spanking.

The woman who goes over your knee is lucky indeed.

Isn't there a danger however that the dom tries transferring their domination in everyday life? (Not a very good idea ...) Does it happen often - I just read about a girl whose boyfriend - after them both getting into those BSDM games - tried to behave dominantly in their everyday life ...

I am a writer just beginning to write erotica. I have already referred to light BDSM but did not get too much involved because I did not understand it. Your article has cleared up many fields that could be misinterpreted. Your article has made me more confident writing a true BDSM Story.

Thank you for another enlightening article. Again well thought out and beautifully presented.

The fact that there is no double spaces between paragraphs makes it dififcult, if not impossible for me to read and enjoy.

A Dom who said he had been with 70 women (If he's telling the truth I think I missed getting a really awful STD, but it would certainly mean that he likes spanking) told me that when he holds women across his lap or even when they are bent over furniture during spanking that they are at first humiliated and then as they try to avoid getting spanked that they masturbate themselves. He also talked about the fact that as the spanking goes on they at first may be silent, then they start to say things like "no, please", then they cry (and he said, hopefully have an orgasm while crying) and finally they surrender to the spanking even unconsciously raising their bottom to be spanked while softly crying and choking out "please spank me".

Is this accurate, or is this guy just a total wacko?

Thanks for your time.

I'm very fond of receiving a good sensual spanking. Nina Hartley has an excellent DVD on the subject, very much along the lines of what you present here.

I am very new to this. I was married for 27 years, we had a healthy sex life, but very normal run-of-the-mill sex. However, my girlfriend (about a year now) and I have just naturally fallen into a light Dom/Submissive sex life. I love and care about her very much and she feels the same about me. We have experimented with handcuffs (the easy to open kind), tying her up (loosley) with neck ties and light spanking. It started with role play, teacher and bad girl, doctor and naughty nurse. We are just now entering into more intense play/roles. This feels like a transition to me, we are moving from play into more defined roles. I am looking for advice from experienced Doms for recommendations during this transition period like, pitfalls to avoid and things that are "Must Haves" in this type of relationship. All advice is apperciated!!!

I loved this article.....as someone who is on the receiving end of many spankings from my husband, this is advice I could have written myself! "Trouble" spankings are another story though!!!!!

It's called assault and battery you bonehead. I hope she'll press charges.

As the dom, should I have sex with her as part of the, "need to slowly bring her back down" part of the scene?

Very detailed and helpful for the beginners. Invaluable. But I wonder if you might feel like taking us further - to the next stage.

For instance: What about using the cane? Unless a sub starts very much into it, the first thing to consider is rendering her helpless. She may well be excited by this idea. So why not see what she thinks of it in practice?

A simple device would be a broad flat base of wood, which can be easily lifted onto the bed. Metal eyes are screwed into the base, to which are attached wrist, ankle, and neck straps and buckles - the first four placed widely, so that she will be properly spreadeagled. The neck strap should be loose enough to allow her to look in the mirrors in front of her, and see what is going on. I find this very effective.

She should be completely naked.

Place a gag and a blindfold up by her head, where she can see them and ponder.

Try out a series of rattans, swishing them through the air.

Decide, and lay the chosen one tenderly on her buttock cheeks. Tapping slowly.

Make sure she remembers the safe word.

Tell her the number that you are going to start with. Six, is the classic. But it might equally be twelve.....or even eighteen. Order her to count - silently.

Begin. The first stroke will establish the parameters. If she cries out, then you need to go gently. If breath hisses through her teeth, there is promise of sincere effort to bear the pain. And so forth.

I just started with my babygirl with the spanking and I am feeling guilty for leaving bruises but I read that it is normal the first time. I want to thank you for showing me how to set the whole scene up and getting her ready for the second time. I am really wanting to be a good Dom to her and she is very willing to be my sub. I have to work past my feelings of guilt over this....I don't want to hurt her, but she wants to be spanked. We have an understanding and I stick to it.

If there are any suggestions that you could give me, I'd appreciate it.

Thanks!

Beat someone like this and go to jail where you belong. Even for fiction this as dumb.

From many articles like this (this being one of the better ones), I think I've gotten the idea of how get started. As a Dom, how and when do iI end the scene? Obviously I'll stop if I see signs of distress, but before that, what is a good time to bring the scene to a close?

This article was good until I read this sentence "Let your manliness come out, peel away the years of political correctness"... Its sad that you need to beat a woman to show that you are a man.

Interesting, yet it presupposes the spankee wants to be spanked by the spanker. I was hoping for something that would explain how to make it feel good so the spankee will find it desirable. I understand that some people like it, but honestly every time someone has smacked my bottom, it’s been a huge turnoff to the point of being a total mood-killer— get my clothes back on and I’m done! Where’s the attraction? I just don’t get it, yet I’d like to. It sounds so hot in the stories, however, in the back of my mind a small voice is cringing, “ewww, yuck, not spanking again!”

I think all Dom who want to spank and all submissives should read this together. A good job of taking into consideration all the sub is thinking and feeling, Wonderful thank you.