All Comments on 'Babysitting'

by TheDarkCloud

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  • 18 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
Loved it .

Excellent , quite realistic and definitely not overdone . I think they should fuck each others brains out , they were made for each other .

oldwayneoldwayneover 16 years ago
Let's Have the Sequel.

It was a good start, but you need to get them into some heavy screwing. And, I don't mean to nitpick an otherwise good tale, but was his sister named Julie or Kelly?

leaf26leaf26over 16 years ago
Good Story

Good story that deserves another 2nd chapter. I think the brother and sister should get together. After the brother finds out that he loves his sister and she feels the same about him, he should leave his girlfriend who by the sounds of it is a real witch and move on with the real love of his life, his SISTER.

AlhazredAlhazredover 16 years ago
Couldn't finish

The spelling errors and the fact that a third of the story consisted of the guy flipping through channels trying to find something to masturbate to, and talking about what celebrities he found hot just killed the entire story for me. I'm sorry, I couldn't even make it to where the sister got home and caught him (I can only assume that's where the story was headed - it was pretty predictable by that point). Get a few people to read it before posting, get an editor, or at the VERY least, PLEASE run spell check before sending the story up. If a reader has to pause and figure out what you mean by a grossly misspelled word, it kills the flow and takes the reader completely out of the story.

Others seem to like it, however, and that's fantastic. They are able to look beyond the technical flaws, and good for them for it. Not every story is for everyone, so best of luck with future stories.

KOLKOREKOLKOREover 16 years ago
More stars please

I liked the part of his fantacy encounters with the stars.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 16 years ago
Couldn't get through the first paragraph

Learn some grammar.

sfaigonsfaigonover 15 years ago
Hmm... Pretty darn good... but...

The plot was semi-undeveloped. The Graphical scene was too short. It should have been a wild sex session that woke up all of the neighbors and kids.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 13 years ago
Very nice

This was amazing I had a hard-on all the way through

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 13 years ago
nice

Nice situation and story overall. In one of the paras you've written Julie instead of Kelly ;)

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago

At one stage you called Kelly Julie.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
Crap

Crap and more crap

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
Silly comments

Seems a lot of silly criticism. If it's not for you, leave it alone. Writing is an emotive thing, when you realise a name is wrong you HAVE to change it. Of course you need to do a good job of that, it is disruptive to the flow of the thing, if you mess it up. But hey, this isn't Tolkein or Donaldson et al, this is free mucky stories and the basic premise was sexy, I'd like to see it develop further, if not, it leaves material for the imagination of the reader.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
Cheers....

Good read, love themes with older siblings, thanks!

leathercatsuitgirlleathercatsuitgirlalmost 11 years ago
Beautiful

Thank you for a beautiful story - made me quite wet !!

Needs a second part please

Sarah Leather

leathercatsuitgirl@hotmail.co.uk

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Great read

Who cares about the grammar, I was able to visualize your intent and was happy with the scene as it played out. Great story, bump the naysayers.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 3 years ago

Made me want to spend some time with your sister.

DocWordsDocWordsover 2 years ago

Good story. Thanks

OseekerOseeker13 days ago

Julie.....or Kelly?

3 stars...

I'm being generous...

Anonymous
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