All Comments on 'Rising from the Tarmac'

buried within this poem. I think you will enhance it immensely if you ended it with "...separating tarmack peals away"

Other than that there were a few phrases that seemed either uncomfortable or irrevelent here... on line 4 I think it would read better if you deleted "woman" "woman scent" feels archaic, almost brutish.

On line 9 I think it would read better if you dropped "buried", up until now your metaphor is soaring and electric, to suddenly find something buried is not relevant to any other part of the poem.

on line 10 the word "ignited" simply screamed cliche' Fiery igniting lust is overused and if you read your poem, it's simply not needed.

And that's it, I think those few changes and your driving metaphor is enhanced, the feeling of overwhelming sexual energy predominates and it simply seems to flow a bit more. Take a look at the suggestions and see what you think.

jim : )

thank you, jim....i agree with your assesment and i will edit the words down...i appreciate your candor and suggestions, which is the whole reason i come here...carol