spell check...... proofread??????
Ever hear of any of these?????
Yes, the spellcheck, and do some proofreading, maybe find an editor. Develop some sort of story; frankly I couldn't care less if any of those people got off. Finally, and this is most important, while you have some potential, keep your straight-boy lesbian fantasies in your computer, and post some actual stories.
this story really doesn't belong in this section, given the pool boy's entrance.
i thought the ending was rather hasty, and it was rather bizarre that their tryst ended with them being ticketed by the police.
there wasn't enough development of the characters for me to really get into it. better luck next time.
Liked it but I would have preferred if the girls would have been caught by the cops while kissing, rubbing and squirming in the shower. And maybe it would have been more realistic if they felt embarrassed at being caught; not because they are lesbians but because of the expectations of society. My ending would have been the non-Cali girl feeling shame as her parents told her off but sneaking out to continue the relationship.
There is potential, but a good story involves work and knowledge.
I can never understand when a magical dildo justs pops up in a story with straight females who are just having sex for the first time at a public place. That is extremely improbable. I thought this was the girl-on-girl section of the the site. What's up with the pool boy? The ending was rushed and nonsensical. Back to the drawing board, please!
proofreading is needed. make a story not just a quick fix for the desperate. also dont add characters that are not needed like the pool boy and the police. completly ruined the already average story.
Listen if you're in the mood enough to be looking for stories to read, its clear on the intention in the end. And spell check?? Come on, I was so busy focusing on myself to even notice them. AWESOME JOB AUTHOR!!
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