All Comments on 'Mind Control + Pervert'

Completely unreadable!

you can't write for shit, this entire piece was unreadable. don't practice, don't look at other styles, just stop.

"Lifting her head rubbing cock...." So she has a rock that rubs heads. I wish I had one of those.

It's pretty obvious that you were writing this as a quick story, not one to enjoy. I'm guessing you wrote this for the graphics, trying to write something you could get of to, and not to amaze us with excellent grammar and phrasing. I agree with my fellow commenters. Please don't ever, EVER try again. I honestly think a five year old could write better than this.

-Anon

you can't even keep straight whether its him, his or her head in the first half dozen paragraphs...i couldn't read more than that, lost all interest

Couldn't even get past the first few paragraphs... your writing style and grammar are so horrific that's it's impossible to enjoy this. Please read other stories that are highly rated and get some ideas how to introduce characters, and form engaging sentences. I'd also suggest either taking a class on writing or else not submitting anymore writing to prevent others from wasting their precious time.

Um nice story I think but need to proof read grammar is really off

We’re u drunk when u wrote this? The grammar is horrible.