by My Erotic Trail
I really liked the poem untill the last stanza. Something went wrong there between the Zen the reality and the enlightenment from the previous stanza. Perhaps new tutor or better glasses?
The first and last stanza are okay, but the two middle ones really outshine them.
Where you been hiding Art? Fine little piece; just a couple tiny little tweaks I'd suggest for your consideration.<br>
<br>
Drop the hyphen/dash in the first stanza and set the third line on its own, like so:<br>
<br>
<i>the journey of a thousand miles<br>
begins with a single step<br>
<br>
and car keys</i><br>
<br>
Also, drop that hyphen/dash after morning in the second stanza; it works just fine without it.<br>
<br>
Finally, I think you might do better to drop "is" from the final line of the third stanza so it reads:<br>
<br>
<i>enlightenment so bright</i><br>
<br>
What, no typos? Give an extra hug {at least} to your editor. All in all, a most fine piece for your return.
your ZEN writes, tis my fav lines.
"as laid back as
a long blade of grass".
Good to see your words again, have missed
you and your Erotic Tail, oops, I meant Trail,<grins>.
sGp
I never go searching for enlightenment without my cheap sunglasses, its just not done. Very good Art.